Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

Because the OP has told you that you're wrong?

Some people like to have a few drinks.

I think it’s a really unfair thing for you both and my sympathy.

I do however think their marriage is weak to not be able to keep plans and socialise. I think a house not up to guests is something to break plans over - you can’t invite people over with a messy house.

Either their marriage or one of them is not coping to not be able to clean a house.

Otherwise fight something else. Either way they’re struggling and need some grace.

Its annoying but drink the wine yourselves and enjoy looking nice together, go out for dinner together. It’s not a big deal unless you stew. Hope you get an apology - I would be expecting a good one and an explanation in the days to come. It’s how they respond that would matter to me.

Please tell me you’re not still married to such a prick? Is he incapable of ironing his own shirts?

Yeah I know, so do I. That is why I was saying I’m impressed by people not prefering to go home. 😅

@ByQuaintAzureWasp this is your ex you’re talking about?

i bet a tiny bit of you was relieved op

no driving 45 mins in freezing and slippy roads
no staying over with a couple you’re not close with
no waking up next day and having to drive back in freezing cold

you went out locally, much cheaper, no need to drive and was with your partner and then back to your own bed (and cats).

I DID read all of OP’s posts before I posted. She did go out but she did mind about it.
Nowhere does it say she phoned the restaurant.

Eh? 😆😆 Why?!

I agree that it's good that they were honest about the reason but I do think it's a shitty way to treat friends.

They must have had a proper screamer of a row if they couldn't get over it in time, though.

All a bit juvenile, really. Some people can't get over these things and act like everything's OK, I guess.

As an aside, it's truly ridiculous that some people are focusing on you getting ready. Like, WTF?!

Flaky twats. I wouldn't rely on them to host again.

.....if your friendships are that fragile, I'd suggest that's not the fault of the friends.

it is a post covid phenomenon…. relief at cancelled plans!

@Iwishicouldflyhigh

you would honestly end a friendship over this?

But if the OP had wanted a close to home night out with just her partner where they went home to their own bed, couldn’t she have, you know… organised one? It’s very odd to deliberately organise something you don’t want to attend.

I really don’t understand why people are jumping through hoops to make out that this couple have somehow done the OP a favour by cancelling.

Its annoying but I would agree it is probably more serious than a messy house. You don't really want to stay over someones house in the middle of a major domestic arguement either so I suppose cancelling was the best thing.

I remember some friends spontaneously ringing and saying they'd be in the area, could they come over? XH said 'yes, of course, and stay over!' despite the house being absolutely trashed (five kids, all under 7, toys everywhere, you get the picture). I knew I'd have to sort out the spare room so I said to him 'you tidy downstairs, and I'll do upstairs and the bathrooms.'

Came down an hour and a half later having scrubbed both bathrooms, sorted the spare room, tidied the kids rooms, made up the beds etc etc...and downstairs was still a tip and XH was outside 'tidying the shed.' Apparently this was important as 'they might look in there.' I totally lost it and I can't imagine that the atmosphere was particularly pleasant for our visitors when they did arrive, although they did confess to not being at all surprised when XH and I separated some months later.

i gather you haven’t read the many many mumsnet threads about relief when a plan is cancelled or indeed the fairly extensive coverage in the media about this phenomenon! 😆

the friends were also pretty 🤔

We were once in a similar situation but no-one cancelled, we endured what my OH described as root canal work with no anaesthetic, an excrutiating, expensive evening, akin to dinner on the Somme! I wish they'd had the good grace to cancel then!

But people in that situation don’t typically start a thread about how pissed off they are over the cancellation!

@Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm If I want to swear I will swear thank you very much! How dare you tell me what I can & can’t do?! First you're bossing OP around and now me! Ffs

what can i say… mumsnet is an intriguing place sometimes 😆

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat your friends knew you had 5 children under 7 (!!)

and thought it was appropriate to call, with thirty mins notice, to ask if they could pop around and then accepted an invite to stay the night!!!