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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that the golden child is just the one that's not a pain in the bum?

129 replies

crinklegiraffe · 10/01/2025 17:12

I have a sister one year younger than me and she refers to herself as the black sheep and me the golden child.
In reality she was a defiant little brat growing up who did nothing she was told and was always in trouble I think the polite word was spirited and I wasn't like that.
I got fed up with always having to tidy our room because she refused and tidying up after myself while she refused point blank to do anything.

I wasn't overly good, I just wasn't deliberately rude and disrespectful and as a result have a close relationship with my parents while my sister who has a chip on her shoulder has cut me and our parents off believing they were toxic and I was their favourite.
I think I was probably just easier rather than favourite where she was hard work but equally loved.

OP posts:
Feelinadequate23 · 10/01/2025 17:15

YES! DH is the "golden child" while his brother is the black sheep. Yeah, no sh1t - my DH actually cares about his parents, calls them weekly, helps them out where he can, involves them in DC's lives and I do the same. Meanwhile BIL is rude, lazy, married a true monster, causes PIL nothing but difficulty and pain and only really contacts them to ask for money. I wonder why PIL might prefer DH... 🤔

tailinthejam · 10/01/2025 17:15

She can refer to you as a golden child all she likes, but it doesn't make you one.

Parents are what make the golden child / scapegoat child dynamic, not the behaviour of the child.

Ginkypig · 10/01/2025 17:32

I think this can be one scenario and have seen that dynamic happen before but there are others.

I know of one golden child who is that despite being who you describe as the black sheep in your situation.

i know another who is classed as the black sheep because they chose not to cover their abuse up while the other sibling whitewashed history and kept their (surface) good and close relationship with their parents into adulthood.

I know another person who the parents babied because were the youngest and now as an adult behaves terribly towards their parents (and in general to be honest) but they are still the favourite (even when the mother is in literal tears of hurt at how this child has spoken to or treated her) despite several other siblings who no matter what they do can’t even get close to nice never mind that type of attention or affection from said parents.

i think it’s more grey than one is good and one is bad. There are lots of reasons why families consciously and unconsciously pick one child as their favourite over another and sometimes the one who is not picked has done everything right but just aren’t ever going to be the favourite or even in some families a liked child.

thats not to say though that your example is wrong either of course!

mnaab · 10/01/2025 17:37

Nope. My sibling is the golden child and they are the pain in the bum. Whilst I live independently they constantly want money from dm and treat her like shit at the same time. Yet they can do no wrong in her eyes

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/01/2025 17:40

I think this varies between families, that might be how it works in your family but in others the parents just play favourites

HaddyAbrams · 10/01/2025 17:40

My brother is the golden child. My mum will claim he wasn't any trouble growing up, but he was. She just excuses all his behaviour. Things he was allowed to do I wasn't. And if I did, then I got in trouble for them.

Randomusername37258 · 10/01/2025 17:42

Nah, in my husband's family it's the girls who are the golden children. They make more effort to see them and do more for them and then say they're closer.

It's obvious when you have a proper golden child and I've seen with one of my parents how damaging it is to not be that.

1554sunset · 10/01/2025 17:42

I’m not sure. My older sister was the black sheep and younger the favourite. Me and my older sister grew up with stressed parents with little time for us. My sister really struggled and pushed back where as I flew under the radar much because she took the heat bless her but very much became the black sheep. My younger sister came some time later with parents in a much better place. Talking to her you would think we had different parents and she is very much the golden child, she was treat so much better with engaged parenting and as such she behaved so much better.

Frowningprovidence · 10/01/2025 17:44

I dont think what you are describing is what the whole golden child /black sheep, scapegoat thing is really about.

That's where a dysfunctional parent would blame everything on one child and praise another for things they haven't really done.

I do think parents can get on better with an easier child. I also think children can pick up thier parent finds them challenging and not get why and relationships can get very strained.

aylis · 10/01/2025 17:46

My brother was an absolute terror and is the golden child. I was the well behaved eldest daughter and got nowhere near that exalted status.

Gowlett · 10/01/2025 17:46

My sister is the golden child. But she needs more “help” than me because she has a bigger house, a better job, nicer DH, top car, amazing son. So, obviously, maintaining all of this is much harder work! According to my parents… I’m the poor relation.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/01/2025 17:48

Gowlett · 10/01/2025 17:46

My sister is the golden child. But she needs more “help” than me because she has a bigger house, a better job, nicer DH, top car, amazing son. So, obviously, maintaining all of this is much harder work! According to my parents… I’m the poor relation.

Have your parents actually said all that?

MonsterasRock · 10/01/2025 17:49

Not in my experience. I have 2 nephews. The brat gets ALL the oxygen. I feel so sorry for the easy going, likes-to-please younger brother 😕

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 10/01/2025 17:51

In my family the Golden One was the one boy with 3 sisters.
To my mother, anyway.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2025 17:51

Yanbu at all!!! Every time I see it on here I have to bite my tongue and not respond on the thread. 'Have you considered that they might just be nicer that you are?'

QuickMember · 10/01/2025 17:53

People can use the term golden child but there can be a misuse of the term. It really is the sibling who can do no wrong and is put on a pedestal whilst whatever the actual black sheep does, whenever they help, it’s completely derided. So for people to misuse these terms is insulting but of course people will. It’s just that I wouldn’t take someone like this seriously.

Whatsitreallylike · 10/01/2025 17:56

Yes I’m sure it’s that way a lot of the time but not always in my experience. DH is neither golden nor black sheep, just one of 3 siblings. The ‘golden’ child is a bloody nuisance. Always in trouble, treats DM like shit but he’s clearly her favourite and she makes endless excuses for him.

stargirl1701 · 10/01/2025 17:58

My brother would say I was the Golden Child. I was an easy baby, easy toddler and easy child. I was a typical teen!

My brother probably has autism, ADHD and is diagnosed severely dyslexic. He was an incredibly challenging baby, toddler, child and teenager. My parents did not have the skills to parent him. He has never succeeded in life at any stage and remains in his childhood bedroom in my elderly father's house. He is 46 years old.

We do not really have a relationship. He was very violent and I went LC in my earlier 20s after he attacked me again because I said there was enough room for me to squeeze into the back of the car. He felt otherwise and slammed the car door into my rib cage causing significant bruising.

He feels like the black sheep. He was just born at the wrong time. Earlier, he would've coped with a manual job. Today, he would diagnosed and (hopefully) supported.

PinkHotelPlease · 10/01/2025 17:58

I doubt these things are that black and white. Maybe there are reasons your sister was so defiant that you aren't aware of. Or maybe there aren't. But sounds like theres two very different narratives so I would be surprised if the "truth" wasn't somewhere in between..

Woahtherehoney · 10/01/2025 17:59

Nope. Not at all. My brother was always the golden child - not so much with my mum but definitely with my Nan and definitely with my Dad. It’s mostly because he was the son my dad wanted (he’d never really wanted a daughter) and was my Nan’s only grandson.

I was always way more helpful, did more for everyone and was the first to be there and do stuff, I also held down jobs, learned to drive and studied. My brother didn’t do any of that but was still the favourite!

It’s one of the main reasons I’m no longer in contact with my dad - he made the favouritism very obvious.

OceanTurtle · 10/01/2025 18:00

Nope, my brother is the golden child and he certainly was not the better behaved child 🤣 he is just the oldest and she prefers boys (her own words)

Butchyrestingface · 10/01/2025 18:00

I don't think it's quite as simple as that, OP (and I'd be surprised if you really believed that either).

In the case of OP's sister, it could be a chicken and egg situation. You say she was not the golden child because she was rude and defiant. Possibly if questioned, your sister would say she was rude and defiant BECAUSE she sensed that her parents preferred you to her and thought, "fuck it, what's the point?"

ARealitycheck · 10/01/2025 18:02

The behaviour of the so called black sheep is often down to ADHD & seeking attention be it good or bad.

NorthernGirl1981 · 10/01/2025 18:06

I suppose it comes down to what the family values….

For example, me and my sister are only a school year apart and we were pretty much peas in a pod during our childhood in terms of our character and temperament. We were both really well behaved and didn’t cause any bother.

However, because I was more intelligent than my sister I was treated as the Golden Child. My parents value education and therefore I was “the favourite” and my sister was the “black sheep” and they didn’t even try to hide it.

As we grew up into our teen years and early 20’s I was by far the most troublesome and caused my parents lots of stress, whereas my sister was relatively quiet and kept herself to herself. However, because I was the one who went to Uni, (whereas she didn’t) I was still treated as the Golden Child despite the fact she was the much nicer person/daughter.

It was really shit for my sister and I hate the way our parents treated us differently.

Maddy70 · 10/01/2025 18:08

Nope. I was certainly the golden child. My brother was always lovely and good. )I was no end of trouble

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