To think that the golden child is just the one that's not a pain in the bum?

[crinklegiraffe]

I have a sister one year younger than me and she refers to herself as the black sheep and me the golden child.
In reality she was a defiant little brat growing up who did nothing she was told and was always in trouble I think the polite word was spirited and I wasn't like that.
I got fed up with always having to tidy our room because she refused and tidying up after myself while she refused point blank to do anything.

I wasn't overly good, I just wasn't deliberately rude and disrespectful and as a result have a close relationship with my parents while my sister who has a chip on her shoulder has cut me and our parents off believing they were toxic and I was their favourite.
I think I was probably just easier rather than favourite where she was hard work but equally loved.

"Golden child" is one of those terms like narcissist and gaslight that has entered popular vocabulary and is now used as interchangeable with "favourite" or a replacement for the "you always got away with stuff" argument between siblings.

Unless you were in a genuinely dysfunctional family unit, there was no golden child. You may have witnessed what you perceived as favouritism, but the golden child/scapegoat dynamic (and the other types of children) are specific to dysfunctional families and determined by the parents; nothing to do with the child's behaviour.

My brother was the scapegoat and cut everyone off, and I don't blame him at all. My sister was the golden child and fully acknowledges this and maintains a good relationship with both parents because they treat her well, but I know the pressure of being the golden child can't be easy and my brother has far more freedom now than she does. I was the "hero child", another category, and deconstructing that is a very painful and slow ongoing process.

I think most families I know certainly from the past have a significant element of dysfunction.

Groups in general we know can develop out very toxically with “group think” but families compound this in that the members are bonded/attached to meet survival needs and so will tolerate a hell of a lot more shit than other groups types.

The denial of the emotional aspects of being human in previous generations has done enormous damage. Emotions are warning signals about the environment often conveying messages of what is perceived to be wrong, emotional suppression to stay “in” the group meant that issues couldn’t be discussed in any meaningful way in most of the families I ever encountered.

My younger sister is the Golden child , but has caused endless stress and worry for my parents with her life choices and relationships.

She is disliked outside the family unit and has caused trouble wherever she goes and is always in conflict with someone, but my parents are very very defensive and protective and won't have it that my sister is wrong or to blame .

Yes I do feel jealous and resentful but mainly perplexed as to why my parents favour her when she brings so much misery and stress into their lives , always has done and always will .

No, in my dh's family the golden child is also a total pain in the arse. I think you set your role as a child, before you even know you're doing it. The golden child could do exactly the same as the non-golden children, and still the non-golden children would be criticised, whilst the golden child would be defended or praised!