People who think mat leave is a holiday

[makingdecisionsforme]

I went to a work dinner just before Christmas even though I'm on mat leave. A long time colleague was leaving and invited me along. Was great to catch up and see people.

One senior man (without kids) walked up to me at the bar and said 'are you living the dream right now?' Which I thought was an odd comment. Motherhood is beautiful but with 2 children, one being a 3 month old at the time at home, I'm not sure I'd describe it as 'living the dream'. Beautiful chaos perhaps?! :)

When it came to go home I said 'oh my it's getting late' and the same man said across someone 'well you don't have to work tomorrow'. That person who overheard said 'she has 2 kids'. I also said 'my working day starts in 2 hours'. Not that I need to justify myself but my 3 month old was going through the 4 month sleep regression, hadn't slept for longer than 3 hour stings over night for 2 weeks and was up all the night before and that night, with my 3 year old waking at 5.30am as usual.

I'm not living the dream or not working. I'm lucky to be a mum and be paid on maternity leave as many other countries don't afford this but AIBU to still be annoyed about it several weeks later?

I hope one day he has a reflux baby like mine and realises how hard it is. You try to solve it with infant gaviscon and that leads to constipation, try to counteract it with lactulose but forever worry you're getting the dose wrong, try omperazole only to be told it will decimate your LO gut health and make them more ill down the line, the mental load of it on no sleep is plenty of work!

Not the same as being in the office for 8.30, showered, dressed and contributing all day to a workshop which he had but I am not living the dream on a beach somewhere either!

Personally, mat leave was hell on earth for me. Important for my DC, but I was gagging to go back to work. I just felt like a machine with no autonomy functioning on no sleep with a constantly screaming baby. Now I'm back at work and she's enjoying her little life, I enjoy mine and we love our time together. Give me the work/childcare juggle over mat leave any day. I felt like I got my sense of self back. But j also do enjoy my job and have a flexible employer

I felt it was living the dream as it was so much less stressful than my job. I much preferred living with the chaos / tiredness than being in work - unfortunately I had to go back!

I can see why his comments stung, OP, but I think you’re best to try and let it go! No one really has an insight into anyone else’s circumstances. Unless he’s generally a horrible person, I’d presume he was being clueless and clumsy rather than malicious.

TBH, perhaps I’d find it easier to shake as I’m lucky to count myself in the camp who have found periods of mat leave to be a dream! It suits me well and I genuinely find it so much more easier and more fun than working, even though I love my job. Getting paid to hang about with a couple of tiny pals all day and do whatever we fancied!

Juggling children whilst being back at work is a whole different ballgame and I often feel some judgement from colleagues who don’t have children, but as time goes by I try and take it less personally. I know that they aren’t trying to hurt me, and I know that they probably have stuff going on in their lives that I can’t relate to!

Being a mum I still haven't had the luxury of most than a 4 hour stretch of sleep since that night. No annual leave or weekends.

Four hours? That's a luxury! My DS woke every 1-2 hours until he was 2.5 years old. I went back to full time work at 7 months old. I'd have given my left tit for a four hour stretch in the first four years of his life!

You need to stop referring to it as a job OP, you sound really resentful.

Being a mum I still haven't had the luxury of most than a 4 hour stretch of sleep since that night

Well yes... but when you're at home during the day that's much more doable.

Compared to when you're back at work; your baby isn't sleeping plus you have to function in the workplace. I couldn't afford the luxury of long maternity leaves (no maternity pay other than SMP) so had to go back to work while we were still in the depths of feeding through the night. It was not at all easy.

You seem to take something in context completely out of context. I said I've not had more than a 4 hour stretch since that night (mid December) but I've said it's pretty much every hour of every night I'm up normally. Said in context, I was referring to those without children working hard during the week but also having the luxury to sleep off Thursday nights hangover during the weekend. Parents don't get to catch up in that sense. That's all.

How has this turned into a competition on who has it the hardest? God forbid a woman is a having a hard time with sleep deprivation, some saint here woke up every hour AND went to work. OP should be grateful for an occasional 4 hour sleep. LOL. Sure.

YANBU OP but just shake it off. There's plenty more insensitive comments coming your way. It's hard, I never thought stuff like this would get to me too but they do. You gotta move on though, for your own sanity.