People who think mat leave is a holiday

[makingdecisionsforme]

I went to a work dinner just before Christmas even though I'm on mat leave. A long time colleague was leaving and invited me along. Was great to catch up and see people.

One senior man (without kids) walked up to me at the bar and said 'are you living the dream right now?' Which I thought was an odd comment. Motherhood is beautiful but with 2 children, one being a 3 month old at the time at home, I'm not sure I'd describe it as 'living the dream'. Beautiful chaos perhaps?! :)

When it came to go home I said 'oh my it's getting late' and the same man said across someone 'well you don't have to work tomorrow'. That person who overheard said 'she has 2 kids'. I also said 'my working day starts in 2 hours'. Not that I need to justify myself but my 3 month old was going through the 4 month sleep regression, hadn't slept for longer than 3 hour stings over night for 2 weeks and was up all the night before and that night, with my 3 year old waking at 5.30am as usual.

I'm not living the dream or not working. I'm lucky to be a mum and be paid on maternity leave as many other countries don't afford this but AIBU to still be annoyed about it several weeks later?

I hope one day he has a reflux baby like mine and realises how hard it is. You try to solve it with infant gaviscon and that leads to constipation, try to counteract it with lactulose but forever worry you're getting the dose wrong, try omperazole only to be told it will decimate your LO gut health and make them more ill down the line, the mental load of it on no sleep is plenty of work!

Not the same as being in the office for 8.30, showered, dressed and contributing all day to a workshop which he had but I am not living the dream on a beach somewhere either!

Let's hope it lasts. And I'm not meaning that in a bitchy way, just that mine increased their budget feeds around this time.

My eldest would go from about 11-6 from 6w-4m most of the time, but then they came back at 4m and stayed until 15m.

Even my insomniac managed some 4 and 5 hour stretches from 2-4m, slept better and spaced out feeds. Then it went down to 2 hourly, and then from 6-18 months, hourly feeds.

The same thing happened to many of my friends, and I'd your baby is starting to wake up now, maybe they are hungry?

I don't think you can assume the night feeds are over just because they currently are. Just enjoy the present.

Formula feeding and having a babysitter is not make or break for having an easy time. Sounds quite judgey that you think so.

It's difficult when something so commonplace and ordinary like having children isn't possible, isn't it? I think the ability to move past it and live a happy life shows remarkable courage @KimberleyClark. I hope you find happiness elsewhere.

I'm have 3 now and when I book time off people say "have a nice holiday" or "oh lucky you being off next week" as part of a conversation. They don't know that my time off is actually going to be more stressful than work because it's summer holidays and 3 kids is A LOT! I took parental leave for 2 weeks and the same was said by colleagues. I was taking it due to my child's mental health, but I did not take their comments as a dig in anyway!

I think it's meant like that when it's said - just enjoy your holiday from work.

When I came back from my first mat leave, those who had children would make comments like 'have you come back to get a break' and those who didn't have children said 'how was your break'. People are not to know and to be honest before I had my own, I was envious of people going on leave. It's still such a nice thing to do! I wouldn't be at the company still if I hadn't have had my year of mat leave and planning another child. So that says it all I guess.

Crikey, my three month old is sleeping for three hours at a stretch at best, not at worst! Sounds like you have it pretty easy to me!

@SleepingQn how have you worked that one out? My 4 month old woke every hour from midnight until 6.30am.

Oof, that sounds tough!

When you said your ‘3 month old hadn't slept for longer than 3 hour stints overnight for 2 weeks,’ I read that as you thinking that three hours was a short stint! Must have mis-read it!

Honestly, have you tried feeding? It might give you some longer stretches?

Hourly wakes aren't unusual, but it's unusual (IMO) for them not to want food if they wake at the age, and sorry it's very unusual for a 4m old to not have any milk at night.

It might be worth a try? It could be the he's repeatedly waking because he's hungry.

MAT leave was the hardest year of my life. I love being a mum but there are days where it can be so tough & you have no choice but to soldier on despite hardly any sleep. I found it quite lonely too.
Going back to work part time is like a holiday for me.

@Babyboomtastic he isn't hungry at 7am for his bottle, leaves it unless we don't give him food in the night.

AFAIK plenty of babies sleep 7-7 at 4 months without a feed

Tbh I loved mat leave both times round - even when I had 2 under 2. It was still easier than my job. I was in control of how my days went and mostly just hung out with friends. Yes I wasn’t getting loads of sleep but it’s a very different pace of life from going out to work every day.

He made a stupid comment. It’s the kind of flippant thing people say to women on mat leave. It’s mildly irritating but YABU to still be fixating on it weeks later.

Is your DP doing enough to help you OP? The DC aren’t solely your responsibility 24/7; neither is the domestic load.

Good luck with your baby getting the message of no night feeds any more! Took 15m with my first (bottles) and 2.5 with my second (boobs).
The 4m/8kg thing is just the age where their body is physically capable of waiting without it damaging them, but what they will want to or are likely to do.
I think if that's your expectation, then you're setting yourself up for a lot of frustration as for most babies it's very unrealistic.

None of my three DC ever woke for a feed after three months, lots of babies don’t wake every hour or two.

Reflux babies are a whole different ball game. Like actual torture. Work colleague was a clueless twat. You really can't explain to anyone who hasn't been through it so don't even try. Their opinions are not in any way important.

Depends on your baby.

Is this your first? Generally the second isn't like the first.

He never used to wake. After we stopped the night feed he slept from 7pm (bar the dream feed) until 5am once or twice, outside of that just woke once around 3am for the dummy a few times too. I think we are going through sleep regression and/or he is upset due to meds for reflux. Too much gaviscon = continuation. Too much lactulose = cramps? Not enough gaviscon he has reflux. Omperazole gave him gas. Also he might be cold? It's a real cold snap and the heating comes on at various points in the night but his room might get chilly. Who knows. It's not hunger though. My DC1 slept 7-7 at 3.5 months without a night feed. Plenty of babies who have night feeds, especially past weaning stage of 6 months are doing it out of habit.

*constipation.

Lolll me too.

Yes and everything to cure it has a cost elsewhere, with DC1 bringing home one virus after another we really need DC2 to have the best possible gut health to fight them off. After a C-section and a round of antibiotics he had early on in his life, I don't want to obliterate his gut health again with omperazole.

Fair enough if you don't think it's worth a try.

The vast majority of babies don't sleep 7-7 without a feed at night though!(90%+) so it's one of the most obvious reasons why the wakes may have increased.

You don’t sound very nice. Woman finds it easier to look put together pre dc shocker. Btw I’m a mother 24/7 and go out to work too. Being a SAHP is less of a juggle in many ways (I’ve done both).

Exactly what I was thinking. She is glamourous, you sound jealous. She is nice, but you feel "a vibe". Then you are positively happy if there's any indication she might be overwhelmed.

I’m on mat leave now with a 4 month old and my 2 and a half year old and it’s brilliant. It’s absolutely mental and exhausting and I don’t get a minute- but honestly give me this any day over work 🤷‍♀️ dreading going back!!

If it helps, I'm childless and look like someone has scrapped me out the bin.