Page 6 | Estranged son asking for large amount of money

Fraaances · 09/01/2025 21:48

He’s not entitled to it. It’s that simple. He’s chosen to remove himself from your life. You are the executor. It’s up to you to put him in your will or not as well. You can exclude him or give him a nominal amount. He’s a CF.

PromiseNotToCall · 09/01/2025 21:48

I would not give him a penny. You are such a toxic person, yet he wants your money? Hilarious.

thinktwice36 · 09/01/2025 21:50

macap · 09/01/2025 20:54

Yeah don't hand over a lump sum of money to someone who ignores you in the street.

Absolutely. Your inheritance is not his inheritance. It’s yours to decide how it is best used.

LuluBlakey1 · 09/01/2025 21:50

Ponkeypink · 09/01/2025 21:40

I’m going to go against the grain here
and say I don’t think kids go NC with parents without very good reason.

There will be more to it than ‘we have different views’. (A lot more)

If I were you then I would give him some money. Show him something positive you will do for him.

I say this as the child of a parent with whom I have very little contact. My parent was toxic (is toxic) so I refuse to have much to do with them. They even try to manipulate and control me regarding wills. I’m in the will, now I’m not bla bla bla.

I won’t go in to my personal details but I wouldn’t listen to people saying don’t do it. I’d say do it if finances allow and hopefully that will start to recover your future relationship.

Not all adult 'children' are reasonable, kind people. This one sounds very unpleasant. Whatever his reasons are, having cut his mother dead for 7 years surely means he should not expect her to hand over thousands of pounds of her money that is security for her old age to enable him to buy a house.
He can stand on his own two feet.

Ger1atricMillennial · 09/01/2025 21:50

Best advice for this situation is "its not your money until its in your bank account".

It doesn't matter why you are estranged. You could have been completely awful human beign to him and it would STILL not be his money.

Wish him well with his life, and stop responding.

krustykittens · 09/01/2025 21:52

Do not give him a penny, OP. You need that for your old age. Even if you didn't, he's got a fuckign cheek asking for anything. You can't ignore someone but then demand you give them money.

claudiaswinklemen · 09/01/2025 21:52

You have a pretty unclear way of writing. You can’t be getting the best out of this thread.

Original poster

Friartruckster · 09/01/2025 21:53

Ponkeypink · 09/01/2025 21:40

I’m going to go against the grain here
and say I don’t think kids go NC with parents without very good reason.

There will be more to it than ‘we have different views’. (A lot more)

If I were you then I would give him some money. Show him something positive you will do for him.

I say this as the child of a parent with whom I have very little contact. My parent was toxic (is toxic) so I refuse to have much to do with them. They even try to manipulate and control me regarding wills. I’m in the will, now I’m not bla bla bla.

I won’t go in to my personal details but I wouldn’t listen to people saying don’t do it. I’d say do it if finances allow and hopefully that will start to recover your future relationship.

The decisions/plans I have been making over the last 7 years have consistently attempted to give DS a return point. I have apologised for those times when I made mistakes. DS has been given little money gifts when I have given to DD. DS emailed in October for help with an issue. I responded swiftly and he was able to resolve the problem. I thought this represented a thaw in relations. So I sent both a birthday and then a Christmas card with gift vouchers. I didn’t receive a Christmas card in return. I hoped I would as an easy, low key token of goodwill.

I’m not sure now why I doubt myself.

A pp suggested holding the money in the event helping to reduce his mortgage if a healthy relationship re-establishes itself. This would be good alternative. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Seeing the money can benefit DD to remain in the country she loves and reduce her draw back to the UK by having the money to visit, or look after myself properly in retirement.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2025 21:54

Ponkeypink · 09/01/2025 21:40

I’m going to go against the grain here
and say I don’t think kids go NC with parents without very good reason.

There will be more to it than ‘we have different views’. (A lot more)

If I were you then I would give him some money. Show him something positive you will do for him.

I say this as the child of a parent with whom I have very little contact. My parent was toxic (is toxic) so I refuse to have much to do with them. They even try to manipulate and control me regarding wills. I’m in the will, now I’m not bla bla bla.

I won’t go in to my personal details but I wouldn’t listen to people saying don’t do it. I’d say do it if finances allow and hopefully that will start to recover your future relationship.

Parental alienation is definitely a thing. Op may have done nothing wrong at all.

Ponkeypink · 09/01/2025 21:55

LuluBlakey1 · 09/01/2025 21:50

Not all adult 'children' are reasonable, kind people. This one sounds very unpleasant. Whatever his reasons are, having cut his mother dead for 7 years surely means he should not expect her to hand over thousands of pounds of her money that is security for her old age to enable him to buy a house.
He can stand on his own two feet.

Show quote history

Of course but to go NC with your mother won’t be done on a whim. No one in their right mind anyway. You don’t have to be best friends but to not speak for 7 years speaks volumes.

No one loves you more than your parents (generally) so to walk away from that would be insane, unless there is good reason.

A Mothered love is unconditional

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 09/01/2025 21:55

Friartruckster · 09/01/2025 20:52

Wants the money for a deposit for a house.

States is entitled to money I have inherited, set aside for him.

Hasn’t spoken to me in 7 years. Will walk past me in the street and blank me.

States I am toxic and hence no contact.

I am posting because it’s such a dilemma. I desperately want to help him get on the property ladder, but being estranged has had a massive effect on me. It’s a huge amount of money to handover. The fact we are estranged means I have no close family now. Things like adapting to Christmas alone. Feel that money represents my security as I near retirement.

."Feel that money represents my security as I near retirement"

This is key - irrespective of whether you're estranged or not and whatever the reasons

PorridgeEater · 09/01/2025 21:55

Doesn't sound as though money was actually left to him in the Will - so no need to give it to him.

Motheringlikeapelican · 09/01/2025 21:56

I think I would blank him, ignore the message.

Onthefence87 · 09/01/2025 21:57

How are you even considering this?? I know he is your son but you don't go no contact with someone then MAKE contact with them asking for a load of money?! :-/

He sounds like a nasty piece of work who sadly sounds like he knows he can take advantage of you.

Don't do it.

Ponkeypink · 09/01/2025 21:57

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2025 21:54

Parental alienation is definitely a thing. Op may have done nothing wrong at all.

Show quote history

People generally don’t do it for fun though.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/01/2025 21:57

Friartruckster · 09/01/2025 21:02

My Dad’s Will stated I was the beneficiary with no stipulation how the money should used. Dad was really honourable and was so upset at DS’s attitude to him as well.

So its your father's money and your father was equally upset by your son? After seven years NC DS is now in touch to demand your father's money? He is either NC or not - as per pp, he can't have it both ways. If in the future he wants to rebuild a relationship and you want the same then you can hope for that but there is no reason why your father's money should be handed as things stand.

If his father is so great, perhaps DS could look to his father for financing. In the mean time make a will, secure your own future and fund a trip to see your DD. A DS who wants to be NC is not going be any form of support if you need it when ageing so you will need the money to by in that support instead.

Wildwalksinjanuary · 09/01/2025 21:58

I am estranged from my father and low contact with my mother (abuse) and I would not ever be so presumptuous and entitled to ask them for money! It’s really striking how he manages to speak to you if he directly benefits but couldn’t even greet you on the street . Unthinkable. I’m sorry op. I would not respond to any requests. I am shocked on your behalf. Absolutely do not do this, keep yourself comfortable for older age.

hideawayforever · 09/01/2025 22:00

Friartruckster · 09/01/2025 21:53

The decisions/plans I have been making over the last 7 years have consistently attempted to give DS a return point. I have apologised for those times when I made mistakes. DS has been given little money gifts when I have given to DD. DS emailed in October for help with an issue. I responded swiftly and he was able to resolve the problem. I thought this represented a thaw in relations. So I sent both a birthday and then a Christmas card with gift vouchers. I didn’t receive a Christmas card in return. I hoped I would as an easy, low key token of goodwill.

I’m not sure now why I doubt myself.

A pp suggested holding the money in the event helping to reduce his mortgage if a healthy relationship re-establishes itself. This would be good alternative. Doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Seeing the money can benefit DD to remain in the country she loves and reduce her draw back to the UK by having the money to visit, or look after myself properly in retirement.

Show quote history

maybe him emailing you for help was an olive branch, once you'd give him the help, did you follow it up with an email asking how he is, or anything to continue the contact? how long after did you send cards? maybe if you only answered his email, he was expecting you to then reciprocate? I'm just trying to see things from his pov.

myplace · 09/01/2025 22:03

“I was thinking about it, but have realised I need to keep money available to cover my care needs as I get older.”

Original poster

Friartruckster · 09/01/2025 22:05

myplace · 09/01/2025 22:03

“I was thinking about it, but have realised I need to keep money available to cover my care needs as I get older.”

Simple and rational.

OP posts:

C8H10N4O2 · 09/01/2025 22:06

hideawayforever · 09/01/2025 22:00

maybe him emailing you for help was an olive branch, once you'd give him the help, did you follow it up with an email asking how he is, or anything to continue the contact? how long after did you send cards? maybe if you only answered his email, he was expecting you to then reciprocate? I'm just trying to see things from his pov.

Show quote history

From the post you are quoting:

DS emailed in October for help with an issue. I responded swiftly and he was able to resolve the problem. I thought this represented a thaw in relations. So I sent both a birthday and then a Christmas card with gift vouchers.

October to Christmas is less than two months with the birthday falling in between. So she replied to his request, solved his problem, followed up twice within two months with further contact and gifts for his birthday and Christmas. Once he had want he wanted it was back to NC. Its a very selective form of NC.

viques · 09/01/2025 22:06

If you want him to have the money leave it to him in your will. Then make him wait until you are 100 + .Why should you help him buy a house when he is so horrid to you.

Choccyscofffy · 09/01/2025 22:09

Friartruckster · 09/01/2025 21:35

Thank you all for your input. My thinking now:

I can imagine him saying ‘she’s always doing this shit. Says one thing and does another.’ With no comprehension that his behaviour might have some influence on my changing a decision.

I think by setting aside the money as an insurance for the future in the event I need additional support, it would mean the pressure is off DD. She can live her best life.

Especially as it’s unlikely DS will visit you.

Men who think they can piss off and still get money are so entitled.

ForeverPombear · 09/01/2025 22:10

He's using you for money whenever he wants it.

My DB did this to my Mum for a while and it infuriated me but she was so desperate for him to come back into her life she kept on giving him money. He never did.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 09/01/2025 22:10

He's a chancer OP.

Tell him your money is toxic too so would rather not burden him any further.