Aibu about Teens new year party disaster

[NiftyWasp94]

Recently my son had a new year's party with all his friends (he's 16) they used the house whilst I was away visiting my parents, I trusted him with the house as he is a mature kid. However when I got home the next day I found that the house had been absolutely trashed, cups and dishes everywhere and the dog had been dyed yellow and pink! I've cleaned the house as much as I can but there are things like holes in the walls and the dining tables leg has been broken. I've since grounded my son taking all his devices away, and I won't be letting him have/go to any more parties especially not in my house. The damages to the wall and things are going to cost upwards of £2500 he is going to be getting a job and paying for all of it.
Is this a reasonable response?

I think it's easy for us all to say we had them back in the day and it was fine-in this era of social media things spread like wildfire.

It is very unreasonable of you to allow a totally unsupervised party for a 16yo-especially if ppl knew you were away and not just at the pub.

No matter how trustworthy-alll it takes is too much drunk/a couple of troublemakers etc for things to spiral far out of control of a 16yo.

What if someone got injured/passed out/needed hospitalisation?

Obviously hindsight is a wonderful thing...

I do sympathise somewhat with your son to some extent, my daughter has had 2 house parties and I have been present for both. The other kids continually ignored her requests to keep it down and kept turning the speakers up to full blast after they were turned down.

I think asking him to pay a portion of the damage is reasonable. If you know the parents of friends, it probably isn't unreasonable to let them know the cost and they can (hopefully) choose to have their children contribute too. I'd also tell mine that as a consequence of having to pay for the damage, I now didnt have the money for x,y,z (ie holiday, day out whatever). Sometimes I think mine don't realise that my money is real and finite!

I think this is on you for allowing him to have an unsupervised party on NYE. Poor parental choice.

Your poor dog being manhandled by drunk idiots. I can't believe you left your child to get pissed and trash your house and abuse your pet. Do better.

Yep as others have said- the fault is yours OP. I still remember the New Year’s party I attended at 16. Similar result- a tonne of chaos and damage. some one sprayed “fuck you” in huge letters up the wall of the house. It wasn’t the fault of my lovely friend (the host). How was she supposed to control a group of drunk and wild teenagers?

I agree with pp’s saying that allowing the party was a big mistake and I think this is your fault. If he had done it without your knowledge, then he would deserve to be punished, but you are punishing him for your naivety. One 16 year old can’t police a whole house during a party. Absolute madness to let a bunch of teenagers loose in your home without supervision. My 16yo is very sensible (most of the time) but a couple of his friends are absolute rockets and, as much as I like them, I wouldn’t leave them unsupervised in my home. And they know that!!

….countdown to this (and added content from posters) appearing in The Mail

Yes you are, but I remember that ad too, so you’re not alone😅😅

No. You trusted him and he is mature (for his age, presumably) but he could not have been expected to control his friends. I don’t think you should punish him, unless I missed an update in which he admitted to being the instigator of the crimes against your house and dog.

You should either not have allowed a party in the first place or appointed an adult friend or neighbour to check up regularly on what was going on.

@CombatBarbie

Ah ok sorry.

Bigger boys came

I'd be interested to know whether the party details did get leaked and people turned up who weren't invited.

If so I'd want to know how.

or whether it was the sons close friends taking the piss. Which would anger me more.

Not sure the op will be back to answer?

Yeah that's why no matter how much you trust your teen or think they are mature, having a large group of teens who are drinking and peer pressure etc is never a good mix, her son could have tried to control things but was unable to if they weren't listening or if he was also drunk.

This happened to a neighbour who was on holiday while her teenage DD stayed with her GPs. She lied about staying with a friend overnight and instead held a party at her fancy house. There was over £70k worth of damage and she could not claim a penny on insurance because it was deliberate damage done by people invited into the house. I think you have actually got away quite lightly OP.

I have read all your replies.

YOU allowed him to have ( another ) party

YOU left the dog at home with him !!!

what has the dog been dyed with ?!!!
has the dog needed veterinary treatment as a result ?

I am glad you sorted it out with him OP. Really, if you didn't anticipate trouble at the party- how could you expect him to?

You are still the parent here. You have more experience than he does and more authority over his peers than he would.

Supervision was required and you weren't there.

(If it worked out for him in the past - he was lucky. No doubt you will both be much more careful in the future!)

Sadly, this is on you. Whoever thinks, even if their child is perfect, that allowing a house party for teens, is a good idea?
I doubt he had much say in the behaviour of others, particularly if it was gatecrashed.
Let him comtribute, but not the whole amount. Surely you have insurance?

This is exactly what I think. As soon as you said he wasn't telling you what happened it concerned me that there is more that he wants to tell you but can't. For the reasons @MinnieBalloon has outlined.

Wow, this is purely on you. How on earth did you expect him at 16 to manage a party with booze and no supervision and now you are punishing him over something the poor kid could not take control of. The fact he is afraid to tell you what happened speaks volumes. I feel awfully sorry for him.

Yep.

Your decision making was at fault. No way should this have been allowed. It's on you as the parent! Very unfair to assume he could handle a situation of lots of other drunk teenagers on NYE!

£70K ?!

Fucking hell. Now that's a nightmare!

Having been to many a free house when I was young I would never have used my house 😳😳 my mother would have killed me 😂😂 I think your son's getting off lightly. I would have had to dig my own grave 🤢😂

You are NOT being unreasonable in expecting him to pay for the damage, but I have to agree with the others who said that he should never have been allowed to have an unsupervised party.

Absolutely NOT reasonable. At 16, his friends would have brought alcohol and drugs. He wouldn't have had the maturity/ strength to stop them.

It's not about not trusting him, just the reality of 16 year olds. It's totally your fault, so you should foot the bill.

You should also apologise to him for putting him in that position

"You can’t lay the blame with a 16 year old."

I'm not sure I agree with that. If 16 year olds are deemed mature enough to join the army and fight for their country, I fail to see why they are not mature enough to take responsibility for their actions and learn that actions => consequences.