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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about Teens new year party disaster

183 replies

NiftyWasp94 · 09/01/2025 11:13

Recently my son had a new year's party with all his friends (he's 16) they used the house whilst I was away visiting my parents, I trusted him with the house as he is a mature kid. However when I got home the next day I found that the house had been absolutely trashed, cups and dishes everywhere and the dog had been dyed yellow and pink! I've cleaned the house as much as I can but there are things like holes in the walls and the dining tables leg has been broken. I've since grounded my son taking all his devices away, and I won't be letting him have/go to any more parties especially not in my house. The damages to the wall and things are going to cost upwards of £2500 he is going to be getting a job and paying for all of it.
Is this a reasonable response?

OP posts:
Motnight · 09/01/2025 12:28

MinnieBalloon · 09/01/2025 12:24

Of course he’s not telling you what happened.

You’ve already gone nuclear and punished him because you realise you shouldn’t have allowed this in the first place and are angry that you did, so it makes you feel better to react like this.

So why on Earth would he open up to you? You’ve proven you’re not approachable when shit hits the fan, so he’s pulled away from you, and this is going to negatively affect not only your relationship with him but how he reacts in future.

Show quote history

Or maybe Op's son will realise that it was his responsibility to ensure that the party didn't get out of hand (whether or not it should have been is another matter) and it went wrong and he needs to own that.

Op I think that your response has been appropriate. I wouldn't ask your son about what's happened any more - it's not going to help the situation.

TheignT · 09/01/2025 12:28

I can't understand why you did it. You allowed him to have the party, I don't think you can expect a 16 year old to control a crowd of other teenagers. I think he should help to clear up, I think he should help to pay for it but I don't think it is all on him. You made a decision and I think you need to take responsibility for that and I'm glad you have moderated your punishments.

This is a difficult age, on the one hand you are giving him a level of trust to recognise he is responsible like an adult. On the other hand you are treating him like a young child, taking his "toys" away and grounding him.

I hope the other parents are supportive.

LardoBurrows · 09/01/2025 12:28

I initially voted YANBU because I assumed that you did not know your son was going to throw a NYE party and he had done so without your knowledge or permission. Now I know you allowed this to go ahead while you were away I have changed my vote as you were incredibly unreasonable to allow a 16 year old to manage a party without any adult supervision.

I'm glad you have reduced the amount he will have to pay for damages, but why don't you claim on your contents insurance?

hagchic · 09/01/2025 12:29

Is he okay? I would want to check in with him.

It's fairly horrible when things go badly wrong and you know you're meant to do something but no-one will listen to you.

He might be angry or pissed off with the people that did this to his home.

We had a teen party at our house and I mostly stayed out of the way, but there were times when I had to go and intervene (after discussion with my teen) because no one was listening to them and one particular individual was causing damage to my home. They were given the option to pack it in or go home. They were usually a hard working sensible human but just went a bit stupid after alcohol.

16 year olds need adult back up.

Tumbler2121 · 09/01/2025 12:30

I'd say this is totally on you, you misjudged leaving him alone and having a party. Had you left specific instructions that any bother they phone you/next door/the police? If so, he was out of order.

Or do you think it was him that actually did most of the damage?

No parties again, what's the use of punishing him further?

jimmyateworld · 09/01/2025 12:30

They dyed the dog really ? I thought that shit only happened in films!!
Also kids will be kids, I used to always have my mates round at that age when my mum was out on the weekend ! Tbf though we never trashed the house as we knew we wouldn't have a free house every weekend if we did !!

Overtheatlantic · 09/01/2025 12:32

I wouldn’t care as much about the “stuff” but dyeing the dog would bring hell down on those reprobates.

BigSilly · 09/01/2025 12:32

It's more your fault than his. I very much doubt he 'allowed' the party goers to trash the house! He was not old enough to realise what would happen at an supervised party of 16 year olds, you should have been!

CombatBarbie · 09/01/2025 12:34

Oreyt · 09/01/2025 11:57

@CombatBarbie

Just me that wants to see the pink/yellow dog?

Why would you want to see that?
Poor dog.

Precisely, I wanted proof it actually happened.

decembermorn · 09/01/2025 12:35

I'm wondering how you dye a dog....food colourings? I'm hoping it's all washed off but maybe a trip to the vets to be sure there's no harm done? Vet bill to perpetrator or their parents, of course.

Getinther · 09/01/2025 12:36

NiftyWasp94 · 09/01/2025 11:33

After reading these replies I have talked with my son and made an agreement with him. He is still going to be paying for the damages but significantly less, around £800 and he will be allowed his phone between certain times of the day and he has told me which of the other kids did damage to the house and which ones had dyed the dog pink and yellow and parents are being contacted. Thanks for everyone's responses.

This sounds like a good compromise.

I attended parties of 16 year olds with no parents presents when I was younger and yeah some were more chaotic than others. I did enjoy them though! Don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to allow them but there must be some consequences if things get out of hand.

Sedgwick · 09/01/2025 12:36

I agree with those saying the mistake was yours. I feel sorry for your son. Very likely he tried to stop it going out of control but was unable.

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 09/01/2025 12:38

You are at least 50 50 responsible in my book 😂

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 09/01/2025 12:39

Learn your lesson and move on. I would be more pissed off and disappointed in myself for not foreseeing this obvious outcome.

The responsibility and cost of the damages is on the adult who made the insane decision to leave 16 years olds unsupervised with alcohol for a new years party.

No 16 year old is mature enough to manage numerous other 16 years old under the influence and egging each other on. You should not have allowed them to be put in this position.

Don't contact the other parents either. They did not have the option to supervise this underage drinking party - that decision was on you.

It will be raw just now but in years to come you will laugh at how naive you were to trust a load of 16 years olds with an empty!

ohtowinthelottery · 09/01/2025 12:41

Having seen very similar happen with a neighbour's son (although his parents had no idea he was having a party), I'd say that you are complicit in this happening as you agreed to it. In our neighbour's case, the party got advertised of Facebook outside of his immediate friendship group and the world and his dog turned up. It got out of control and the Police were called (by another neighbour).

nfkl · 09/01/2025 12:43

Split it in 2: he repays you half, and you the other because you are also part of this, you gave your permission and made a mistake by trusting him (on this one).
That would be fair.

ForeverPombear · 09/01/2025 12:43

CombatBarbie · 09/01/2025 12:34

Precisely, I wanted proof it actually happened.

Edited
Show quote history

The OP doesn't owe you any proof.

Wendolino · 09/01/2025 12:43

Yes he should pay for at least part of it, but you must be absolutely mad to allow a 16 year old to have a house party while you were away. He may be mature and trustworthy but a houseful of teens plus alcohol equals disaster.

PonyPatter44 · 09/01/2025 12:44

ohtowinthelottery · 09/01/2025 12:41

Having seen very similar happen with a neighbour's son (although his parents had no idea he was having a party), I'd say that you are complicit in this happening as you agreed to it. In our neighbour's case, the party got advertised of Facebook outside of his immediate friendship group and the world and his dog turned up. It got out of control and the Police were called (by another neighbour).

What colour did THAT dog end up?

RedHillLady · 09/01/2025 12:44

Allowing a 16 year old to have an unsupervised party while you are away overnight is a disaster waiting to happen! Things can ge out of hand all too fast and it's way too much responsibility to expect a 16 year old to be able to police his peers.

I think your punishment is too harsh as you have to take some responsibility too.

PromiseNotToCall · 09/01/2025 12:45

You shouldn't have allowed him to host a New Year's party unsupervised. That's just asking for trouble.

Allow him to pay for what needs to be repaired. I would be selling the electronic devices to cover the damage fees.

CluelessAboutBiology · 09/01/2025 12:48

FrenchandSaunders · 09/01/2025 11:31

Insane to allow a 16 year old to host a party with no adults present, particularly NYE!

Bet there was shagging in your bed and all sorts 😳

🤮
Clearly they’ve never seen the Yellow Pages advert for French Polishers! (Am I showing my age?)

Getinther · 09/01/2025 12:48

That’s the danger nowadays! Randoms who see it on social media can turn up and that’s where things can get out of control completely.

I remember a friend of mine from college who had like 6 siblings and they all had their own room, so it was a very large house is the point I’m trying to make. I think it was detached.

She was 16 or 17 and her brother was a year younger.

Their parents went away with all the younger siblings and she and her brother were allowed to have a party. It was all perfectly civilised. There was drinking, there was kissing (and maybe a bit more) there was loud music but we were all friends with either her or her brother or a friend of a friend.

No-one was a complete stranger, and many of us knew her parents so nothing was trashed. If I remember correctly (it was 2 decades ago!) I was staying overnight and I offered to help clear up in the morning but she declined and was happy for her and her brother to get on with it since the guests hadn’t left it in such a bad state.

InSpainTheRain · 09/01/2025 12:49

I think you are to blame for allowing him to have the party - you should have foreseen that! Why aren't you claiming on house insurance?

Heyprawn · 09/01/2025 12:50

NiftyWasp94 · 09/01/2025 11:13

Recently my son had a new year's party with all his friends (he's 16) they used the house whilst I was away visiting my parents, I trusted him with the house as he is a mature kid. However when I got home the next day I found that the house had been absolutely trashed, cups and dishes everywhere and the dog had been dyed yellow and pink! I've cleaned the house as much as I can but there are things like holes in the walls and the dining tables leg has been broken. I've since grounded my son taking all his devices away, and I won't be letting him have/go to any more parties especially not in my house. The damages to the wall and things are going to cost upwards of £2500 he is going to be getting a job and paying for all of it.
Is this a reasonable response?

I think this post is BS. I don’t believe it for a second