Aibu about Teens new year party disaster

[NiftyWasp94]

Recently my son had a new year's party with all his friends (he's 16) they used the house whilst I was away visiting my parents, I trusted him with the house as he is a mature kid. However when I got home the next day I found that the house had been absolutely trashed, cups and dishes everywhere and the dog had been dyed yellow and pink! I've cleaned the house as much as I can but there are things like holes in the walls and the dining tables leg has been broken. I've since grounded my son taking all his devices away, and I won't be letting him have/go to any more parties especially not in my house. The damages to the wall and things are going to cost upwards of £2500 he is going to be getting a job and paying for all of it.
Is this a reasonable response?

It was more likely the fault of the people were there than his

@Hungry123666

Then to be fair the situation with your son can't be compared to a 16 year old having a party.

I'm autistic too. I'm not having a go.

I think you've been reasonable now, OP. The one good thing to come out of it is that he (or any siblings, if he has them) will be well and truly put off having parties at yours in future, too.

It's hard at 16 - you may be mature but you'll definitely have friends who aren't, and whom you can't control. Well done for contacting their parents - I would be mortified if one of mine had been so disrespectful in someone else's home.

As for the parent of the autistic child - this doesn't give them carte blanche to be allowed to distress ainmals, I'm afraid.

You shouldn’t have allowed this while you were away. You should have been in and nipped any issues in the bud. Your son sounds extremely irresponsible and his friends sound feral. I’d be so so angry. If the party was getting out of control he should have phoned you immediately and you could have called the police.

You were naive to leave the house for the party but it's good that your son is being made to pay back for the damage.
I wouldn't host a party again but I wouldnt ban him from attending other parties, just remind him to respect others' property.
The dog being dyed, however, is absolutely wonderful and high jinx that should 100% be encouraged.

Why on earth did you think a 16 year old would have the skills to control the behaviour of others?!

There's a world of difference between being a 'sensible' 16 year old and a responsible person able to manage a load of partying teenagers .

This is on you.

I think everyone got off pretty lightly tbh to say that there was no adult supervision!! I remember going to two parties at 16 that were supervised. At both parties girls were sexually assaulted (one was me). Hosting house parties for teenagers is never going to end well.

Good. I would hope that the parents of those teens would be embarrassed enough to give a substantial financial contribution. They have raised real disrespectful little shits and I hope they feel ashamed. Especially the ones whose child terrorised the dog.

Just me that wants to see the pink/yellow dog?

This will be a lesson learnt for both you and him. Parties can and do escalate very quickly. You will laugh about it in years to come.

You were the irresponsible one OP. I'm not sure what you were expecting. Fine dining and in bed by 9pm??? 16 year olds are not mature enough to be left alone in an empty house having a party. Just tell him that's the last one...punishment enough.

Have you never watched TV or films? I'd go as far as saying this is the inevitable outcome of leaving a 16 year old in charge of a party. I don't think you should blame him to much - next time supervise the party.

personally I think this is all on you - expecting a 16 year old to manage a house of unsupervised excited 16 year olds on NYE was setting him up to fail.

I think it's very unreasonable to make him pay £800 unless he deliberately caused the damage. These parties get out of hand. You should have been there ir paid an older young person ( ie early twenties) to supervise/be a bouncer.
Your poor son.

Or thanking her lucky stats that nothing serious occurred. The OP wasn't just absent during the party she was staying away. Irresponsible madness.

This is totally on you. How is a 16 year old supposed to police a party, make sure others aren't drunk, stop others causing damage, expel gatecrashers etc? It needs adult supervision. If you had said you can have three or four mates round, and he invited his whole year group, then you perhaps have a point. But if you told him he could have a party and left him to it, then of course it could get out of hand, and there's very little he could have done about it. Do you not remember teenage parties?! There's always a chance of it getting out of hand, even if he's had parties before that have been ok

It's worth noting that some human hair dyes are toxic for dogs, especially as they tend to lick their own fur. This is actually the occurrence that would worry me the most as that treatment of a dog might have been very frightening for it.

Yes. And it sounds like you've given him this responsibility before, when he was even younger. That was stunningly naive of you and I'm surprised that you and her got away with it on those occasions.

Again, he might be sensible, other 16 year old are not.
It's clear on this board that even grown women can't police their friends behaviour on occasions. Expecting a 16 year old boy to do so is madness.

i remember talking to a parent of older children - she said that she wanted to be the person the kids called if an adult was needed - promised to stay sober when her kids were out, always offered to pick kids up and drive them home, promised that she might be mad, she might want to know all of the details and she might say they were stupid, but in the moment, she would always help, whether it was drink, drugs, violence, anything.. I have the same conversation with my kids... I am here - call me!! I can't fix everything, but I will show up.

I'm more worried about poor Ddog, there might have been harmful ingredients in the dye and he/she could easily have licked it.

He's had parties before..at 15/14..and now going away at new year, leaving him at home to have a party. So, all underage (I know many kids drink before 18 but you don't arrange things so it can happen unsupervised with lots of mates and probably people who aren't his mates). He cleans up - move on and you stay home.
Yes, you surely must have a picture of the dog!

@CombatBarbie

Just me that wants to see the pink/yellow dog?

Why would you want to see that?
Poor dog.

My late husband told me that his son had said that he'd never hold a house party - he knew of too many where the house had been wrecked. That was 30 yrs ago.

Have your neighbours said anything about these parties?

I don't think this is reasonable no. He probably didn't do any of the damage himself and if he had known about it he would probably have tried to stop it. So essentially the two of you are both equally culpable; you both agreed to a party and therefore both accepted the risk. He was obviously at fault for who he invited and crowd control. However, you were at fault for placing this level of responsibility on a 16 year old.

I think a more reasonable outcome would involve a division of culpability taking into account your respective abilities to pay. Him getting a job to pay some of it (ideally during the school holidays rather than upsetting his studies) absolutely makes sense but I think that a target of £500 to settle the debt would seem more reasonable for a 16 year old. You might recoup some more of the money more subtly, for example by saying you are still paying for the damage if he asks for something like new clothes etc for the next 6 months or so.

Absolutely this, what an insane move on the OP part. A 16 year old is not mature enough to deal with this himself and should never have been left. Massive over reaction on OP part and no, I wouldnt even make him pay it back, whilst it is unfortunate, it should never have been allowed in the first place!