The think that if you are a patient in hospital, that it is the height of rudeness and intrusiveness to attampt to chit chat with your roommates

[user1471516498]

I have a long standing medical condition that means I have to spend quite a bit of time in hospital. Privacy on NHS wards is pretty minimal, so I have always thought that it was polite to keep your curtains closed if possible, and if they have to be open, then you put headphones in, avoid eye contact and generally avoid inflicting yourself on others. And certainly you don't make small talk with complete strangers.
I am not being unfriendly here, I am just treating other people how I would want to be treated. The last thing I want when I am feeling ill is to have to talk to people who I have nothing in common with other than being in the same room.
In all of my many hospital stays, I have never been rude enough to intrude on others, but the two women in my bay are just being insufferable! Is it just me, or is this just downright rude?

Just say "i prefer to listen to music" and shut them down kindly?

@healthybychristmas i grew up in the northwest, and now live down south.

I think spiritually I am a southerner and have lost my northern chatting roots!

@Zanatdy hahaha
I once went on a call with Rylan through work about his life, mental health, experiences etc. It was a video call and he was in his house and halfway through the call his mum let herself in and started chatting to us! She's such good fun, as is he!

I stayed in for two days in the summer and drank water and ate some nuts and fruit I took from home. I didn't eat anything provided by the hospital at all.

Surely the days are long and boring enough without being able to have a conversation with other patients. I understand that if someone is feeling really poorly then they might just want to lie down, sleep and not chat. But if you're sitting up in bed or a chair then I'd say that you're fair game for a conversation.
Presumably you come from a part of the country where you'd never strike up a conversation with a stranger at a bus stop or on a train? Where I live, it would be considered strange to not chat to someone you were in close confines with.

All that backwards pedalling will generate enough electricity to keep the hospital power running lololol

Yabu and Abit rude.

Where did you eat them?

I thought the polite thing was not to talk to someone if curtains are drawn but if they're open more than just a small gap it means they don't mind being social. People talking loudly on phones to all hours bugs me more.

Not necessarily.
The curtains can be open because nurses want them open or because the patient wants them open. It doesn’t automatically mean that person wants to talk to others

Standing up once I'd stopped being sick from the anaesthetic.
Didn't eat anything at all on the second day until I got home at dinner time.

I do appreciate this is a bit of a strange choice!

So ... Why couldn't you eat the provided food and drinks...?

You said the reason for refusing was because you didn't like the idea of eating in bed... But that can't be the reason, because you could have just stood up or sat in the provided chair?

So my mum is often in hospital with a terminal illness and absolutely chats her head off to anyone who will listen. She's made some great friends (they'll come over for dinner every so often), sings sometimes, makes me the personal shopper for the ward bringing newspapers/peanut butter not on sale in the hospital. It's... quirky 😂 I hate it, but it's what she needs to do to get through everything.

She's definitely made a few enemies though 👀

Strange you can state you have nothing in common with people who you refuse to speak to.

I've been in hospital loads.

My last stay, was a week for my hysterectomy and cancer diagnosis. I would have gone stir crazy if I had no communication all day. I chatted to staff, patients and visitors alike. I bought sandwiches for one patient and comforted another. A mutual chat/ interaction, appreciated by all.

I guess that makes me rude?

It's different if you have said I'm sorry I'm feeling ill and not in the mood to talk and they are still talking at you. You have my sympathies, I was once hospitalised for 9 days. For the first night I was on a large ward which included 3 dementia patients who called out for a nurse every minute or two 24/7. They were distressed and it was distressing to witness.

The kind staff moved me to a 2 person bay that was much quieter (not at my request, they just did). I had some lovely bay mates, and the one for the last 3 nights was pleasant enough but she didn't stop taking to me and anybody and everybody all day long including on the phone, and when I thought I'd get some peace and quiet at night she snored really loudly 😅🤣 I would have loved more peace and quiet.

Because I wouldn't want someone to see me eating and also the smells of the food were 🤢 imagine having the smell of food in your bedroom all day and night. Eugh. It was bad enough hearing the trays being delivered.

My nuts and banana didn't smell and no one saw me eat them. And the operation before that was throat surgery so I couldn't eat even if I'd wanted to!

@Zanatdy please tell me that if he came into see her he is as lovely as he seems

If you don’t want to chat to the staff or the other patients then that’s absolutely fine. Nobody should be forced into conversation that they don’t want to have.

But for you to say “someone tried to small talk to me I would make it VERY clear that I am not the person they are hoping for” comes across as you being plain rude and quite nasty. It implies you would be rude, snappy and overall unpleasant tbh.

All you need to do is politely explain “Sorry I’m not well at the moment and not up for chatting”.

And the bit about eating was in reference to all hospitals, they don't have a dining room for private patients 😁

Ok….? But to call it “Grim” is still incredibly derogatory and rude to the people who have no other choice but to eat in their beds, for a number of reasons. When I was admitted as an inpatient I had to eat in bed. I was too ill to hop out of bed to sit in a separate chair and even get myself to the toilet.

No, it's not downright rude at all. Maybe they are lonely, scared or just trying to be friendly and kind.

@fanaticalfairy im not judging others for eating BTW, this is my own particular issue!!

I’m approaching my 4th week on a trauma ward. Pretty high turnover of patients but most of the English speaking ones are chatty thank goodness.

What is annoying is folk without earphones listening or watching stuff on their phones. And having loud telephone conversations in the middle of the night on loudspeaker.

Agree . @Lobstercrisps your original post came across as extremely rude and disrespectful towards other patients and the hospital staff!

I definitely don't think it's rude to chat. At the same time I did sort of struggle with the chatting thing.

There were four of us on the ward and at first it was great. Everyone was chatty. The staff talked about how lovely our ward was and would come in as much as possible. I was quite frightened going in and initially it did really cheer me up.

The problem was that it soon started to feel really intense, and once we had established that level of constant chat, it was difficult to reign it back in and the ladies would just continue chatting at me undeterred, even if I was being a bit quieter. We even had a new person who arrived who was much quieter and the others were sort of rolling/widening their eyes at her as if she was being stuck up for not being as chatty.

One of the ladies leaned into the "mad old lady with no filter" stereotype and while she was fun at times she was also rude to some of the staff and gave me some unsolicited advice that was quite offensive. Another lady was initially lovely but seemed annoyed that my recovery was going better than hers (we were in for the same thing) and she seemed to direct that at me. She also said something quite racist and the other ladies in the ward agreed with her.

It's just this really intense forced closeness that's weird. There was no privacy when talking to the doctors and talking about your poo in front of everyone in the room was somehow more embarrassing when you'd got to know them a bit. When visitors came, the conversation would open up to the whole room and everyone would join in like the visitors had come to see everyone.

I felt I had to keep my social mask on the whole time and be polite. It was just a bit suffocating and I felt there was no space just to be really unwell.

There's not many people I think most of us could get on with well enough to spend all day every day with. It's the reason living with or going on holiday with friends often goes wrong. It's the reason that when you go to a party with extended family, you can appreciate that Auntie Barbara is a right laugh and does a good 'Dancing Queen' but she's also says some questionable things and at the end of the night you're ready to say goodbye. It's the reason that you don't mind the sweet old man on the bus talking to you for 20 minutes about his grandchild's pet lizard, but you'd not necessarily love the prospect of being stuck on the bus with him for a week.

So no I don't think it's rude for people to chat at all, but it was also one of the oddest experiences I've had and I don't envy people who have to do it frequently.

You really don't need to. It's useful if you can take on board that some people like human interaction, so they are not unreasonable trying to talk with you. You don't, and you aren't well, so that's fine too. Easiest to just explain "Thanks for being friendly, but I am introverted/ am neurodiverse / have PTSD / have difficulty speaking / whatever, so I don't enjoy chatting and prefer to sit quietly." Close curtains, earphones on, chill.