The think that if you are a patient in hospital, that it is the height of rudeness and intrusiveness to attampt to chit chat with your roommates

[user1471516498]

I have a long standing medical condition that means I have to spend quite a bit of time in hospital. Privacy on NHS wards is pretty minimal, so I have always thought that it was polite to keep your curtains closed if possible, and if they have to be open, then you put headphones in, avoid eye contact and generally avoid inflicting yourself on others. And certainly you don't make small talk with complete strangers.
I am not being unfriendly here, I am just treating other people how I would want to be treated. The last thing I want when I am feeling ill is to have to talk to people who I have nothing in common with other than being in the same room.
In all of my many hospital stays, I have never been rude enough to intrude on others, but the two women in my bay are just being insufferable! Is it just me, or is this just downright rude?

How very odd you are.

I think you sound rude and unfriendly. In my experience, normal friendly chit chat is totally standard in hospital.
What I find intolerable is the noise from other patients' music, films etc. It's like they have never heard of earphones. I also found it distressing hearing elderly people with dementia crying, moaning and sometimes fighting off the staff. I know they couldn't help it, but it was heartbreaking to witness.

People are not being rude they are being polite/friendly. If you don't want to talk you have every right to say so/pull your curtain closed but I have to say it's not what I've experienced.
My dad has had multiple hospital admissions he's not very extroverted but usually by time I go for first visit he knows everyones name, occupation etc. Last time he had been in 1 night when I visited him and another patient had already swapped books

I was in hospital three times last week over a period of just over ten weeks, two longer stays of four weeks and a shorter stay of two weeks.

People talk to each other because there's little else to do. Some of our visitors talked to us and each other and, etc. Once you're on a ward you have to accept that there will be talking because it's part of the human condition. Yes, if you don't want to talk you close the curtains and/or put headphones on. I did that if I was having a particularly difficult time or needed a good cry. If there were people I didn't want to talk to I kept it to a minimum and because most people were in and out far more quickly than me I didn't get stuck with anyone too awful for too long. The only place I didn't talk to others was on ICU because I had a room of my own and mostly slept. I'm in a small WhatsApp group with three patients who I was on a ward with for about a week and we're all still a little bit in touch. One of the women was going to have the same surgery I'd had which she's since had and I was able to help her with how it would be, when she could get off her feeding tube, when she might eat more solid food, etc. I helped her and it helped me to be able to help. If we'd all sat around in silence that wouldn't have happened and we'd probably all have been miserable as sin.

Unless you can get yourself a private room I'm afraid that you have to accept that you're in the minority and just have to find a way to suck it up or just pull your curtains around you. You're not forced into interaction but you're being unreasonable if you expect it not to happen at all.

I've just read that the woman opposite was throwing questions at you after you said you were too sick to talk. Yeah, she's being inconsiderate and that's not fair on you.

I’ve really appreciated people chatting to me while in hospital tbh, if I’d had enough chat I’d prob just shut my eyes to rest x

Surely you can keep curtains closed? I've (touch wood) only been in once for a week (apart from having DCs) and in the first ward the woman next to me was clearly extremely unwell - coughing horrendously to the point of vomiting, all day long! I kept the curtain closed between us all the time!!

Turned out she had flu (no.....??) and the ward was closed down and none of us could have visitors or tests. I was later moved to another ward and put in an isolation room just in case I had caught flu - but luckily I hadn't. Thank goodness for curtains!!

But going back to OPs point - I agree that everyone is different. My DH is that weirdo who talks to people on trains.....😯!! If in hospital he would 100% chat all day long to anyone who would listen!

I'm a bit more selective - would be sociable if and when I felt like it - but other times would be reading or on my laptop and expect to be left alone. And if I was really actually unwell - talking would be the last thing I'd want.....

Horses for courses.

I recently had an outpatient procedure, and had to sit in the waiting room with several other ladies for about 3 hours.

We started off quiet, but eventually got chatting and had a real laugh. Was also nice to support each other, as lots of us were nervous about the procedure.

Yabu. Lighten up a bit and get chatting, you might even enjoy it.

OP your post made me laugh - you have every right not to engage but often the thing that gets people through a hospital visit is talking to other people on the Ward. I think you underestimate how lonely a large proportion of people are.

I work on a Medical Ward and during Covid we had lots of people on our Ward who did not want to go home, they loved the constant companionship of strangers c compared to the complete isolation at home- what a strange world we had created. People generally need people.

I'm an introvert who hates small talk but I think it'd be incredibly rude and quite weird to keep your eyes forward and not even acknowledge another person lying a few feet away.

Have you always lacked empathy? A lot of people in hospital are lonely, scared perhaps confused, home sick,.making chit chat and getting to know someone probably helps make them feel a little better.

This.
You don't get to decide everyone should think the same way as you.
Keep your curtains drawn .

This.

I was in a few times in a double room and sometimes my room mate and I talked away the time and both said what a good distraction it was. Have also been in a room where there is just a hello and never talk if the other person isn’t. I really agree it is reading the room.

Yes, but it's better than chit chatting to the person next to you on a long flight; you can at least draw the curtains.

Try putting on some earphones or eye shades or reading a book.
Don't be afraid of saying that you'd really like some quiet now. "It's nothing personal but I'm very tired."

I agree, I like not much chit chat in hospital and I never open myself up to much chit chat from their visitors. Otherwise, they feel that they are rude not to chat and they chat every visit.

Did you miss the post from a nurse about how not chatting doesn’t make you small etc.? As a someone who worked in healthcare myself I can tell you talking and listening to patients is all part and parcel of assessing them. Additionally, they are human beings whose whole job is based on interacting with their patients. If I was nursing someone who refused all food and drink I’d be extremely worried about them and would wonder what was going on. If nothing physical then I would question whether there was a mental health issue. This is where communicating with the patient might be useful in either reassuring me that nothing was amiss or highlighting there was a difficulty somewhere. Please don’t underestimate the importance of communicating with health care professionals. It might save your life sometime.

I'm with you op, during any stays I've ever had in hospital I try to keep my curtain closed and avoid eye contact/small talk, but there are always those that relish it and spoil the peace. I think it's rude and intrusive, I wouldn't walk up to someone in the street and ask about their medical issues, so why is it ok just because someone happens to be sharing a bay? It's not! I've been private a few times and it's lovely, private room with a closable door even the staff knock.

A lot of hospital wards only have one window. Studies show that not being able to see natural light is one of the causes of hospital induced delirium (an extreme and dangerous form of confusion) as it's hard to tell what time of day it is.
Keeping your curtains closed means the people further down the ward may not be able to see the window.
If you need them for privacy or a procedure that's different, but to keep them closed all the time is very unfair.
Of course you are entitled to keep yourself to yourself should you wish, but your choices should not cause others harm.

YABVU.
It is literally you who is being rude, not other people who are being friendly, and distracting one another, passing the time of day.

Of course, it is your prerogative to be rude if you want to. Normally folk who don't want to engage with anyone would pull their curtains round them, and / or put ear phones on to make it clear they were listening to something else.

I'm not one for small Talk but will participate if someone else starts. The two times I've spent night in hospital post-op the roommates chatted me. One a bit too much and the other an appropriate amount of time.

Not downright rude at all, I'd say it's to be expected. Surely chatting to people passes the time of day, which I would've thought would be even more essential in hospital? As others have said, it may help some take their mind off their illness.

You say: 'I am not being unfriendly here, I am just treating other people how I would want to be treated.'
Respectfully, what you're describing IS really unfriendly. Of course you're not obliged to be friendly - but if you're choosing not to be then at least own it.

OP here again. During all of my previous admissions, people have not spoken to each other at all. On one of my first admissions I did try speaking to other people, and was given short shift by other patients on the ward. As a result, I thought it was the done thing to give other people their privacy, much like on the London Underground. I guess I jumped to conclusions that this was normal.
This time I am on a different ward, and the atmosphere is different. I had presumed that all wards were the same, but obviously not. I don't think I have the right to be in a private room, I thought I was being considerate. If I am feeling less sick in the morning I will try chatting to people.
I am quite sure that the other patients aren't thinking I am rude,arrogant, narcissistic or anything else I have bern called. I am not self centred enough to think that they have given me a second thought. I am going to try and get some sleep now, before anypne accuses me of ignoring them or whatever.
I was wrong, I admit it, so I am probably not going to reply again.

Get well soon OP.
Hope you're feeling better tomorrow.🍀

I've only been in hospital after giving birth, 3 days with my eldest. The camaraderie and bonding with the other mums on the ward is something I remember fondly - we looked out for each other and comforted each other when one of us was weepy, kept an eye on each other's babies when we nipped to the loo or for a wash etc. It was nice!

My DH was in hospital for a few weeks recently, he was very ill and in a lot of pain and frankly quite scared. The other patients on his ward were two older ladies who chatted to him and showed him a lot of kindness, were reassuring and kept his spirits up. He was really grateful that they were there.

You sound like a miserable person, to be honest.

Perhaps you'd be happier if you talked to other people more?

I think you are being unreasonable. It’s up to the individual. If you don’t want to then fine but don’t begrudge others.
Sometimes there are people who may go to hospital and that it’s the first time in a long time they have actually spoken to anyone. There are people in this world who are very lonely and barely get out!

I guess you're like me. I use noise cancelling headphones and make it obvious. I pull the curtains too if I can. In ICU and HDU you can't but they aren't usually chatty on there.
I'm not rude, but Am introverted, quite private and really aren't interested in their next door neighbour's great niece's cat.
If you haven't experienced long frequent hospital stays you can't judge the OP. It's like being on a flight sitting next to an annoying neighbour on steroids. It's also normally the least ill who make the most noise.