The think that if you are a patient in hospital, that it is the height of rudeness and intrusiveness to attampt to chit chat with your roommates

[user1471516498]

I have a long standing medical condition that means I have to spend quite a bit of time in hospital. Privacy on NHS wards is pretty minimal, so I have always thought that it was polite to keep your curtains closed if possible, and if they have to be open, then you put headphones in, avoid eye contact and generally avoid inflicting yourself on others. And certainly you don't make small talk with complete strangers.
I am not being unfriendly here, I am just treating other people how I would want to be treated. The last thing I want when I am feeling ill is to have to talk to people who I have nothing in common with other than being in the same room.
In all of my many hospital stays, I have never been rude enough to intrude on others, but the two women in my bay are just being insufferable! Is it just me, or is this just downright rude?

DM was in hospital for nearly 2 weeks awaiting angioplasty about 15 years ago, with a group of four other women waiting for the same procedure in her bay. Visiting times were only a total of 3 hours per day. Those five women kept each other sane and calm and able to wait for their procedures by their regular chat, laughter and support of each other during that time. DM made a lifelong friend while she was there. They relished each other’s visitors as much as their own. Hospital can be a frightening and lonely place, especially if you are very ill, and having company can make all the difference. If you don’t want to participate, you can give clear signals to that effect, but not everyone feels the same way you do.

I remember watching the kids TV show in the 80s/90s called Children's Ward.
Essentially a children's soap opera set on a hospital children's ward.
Every time a new patient arrived the first question from the other kids was "what's your name and what ya in for".
It's natural to want to chat but it's also natural to want privacy.
Just say "I don't want to talk about thanks" when it comes to personal/medical questions.

I am just treating other people how I would want to be treated.

Those who do make chit chat are just treating others how they would like to be treated.

People are different.

I’ve had loads of ops and short term hospital admissions related to my Crohn’s and building a bit of camaraderie with room mates actually can be of benefit.

For example, being able to help each other when possible (pick up something dropped, sharing magazines, taking the older lady for a spin in her wheelchair to give her a change of scenery) to calling the nurses on behalf of another in difficulty. I’ve both given and been on the receiving end of people’s kindness.

Knowing when to back off and give others space because they’re tired or in pain is important, and the same courtesy has been given to me.

Better than the lady in the bed opposite my mum who’s in hospital at the moment, who instructed the nurse to shut her curtains because ‘they keep staring at me’. Nobody in the room is looking at her! In fact it’s an ill, quiet ward so nobody is intruding, everyone is being respectful.

This is normal behaviour on hospital wards....

I think it’s fairly normal to have a bit of chat.

I work in a hospital and visit wards and have had a couple of admissions, it seems fairly standard for curtains open for visibility for nursing staff and for some to chat a bit.

Not rude either way really, it’s just different people wanting different things.

Ive had a 7 week stay on maternity award and 6 day stay where i shared with 3 older ladies, lots of chatting went on both times nearly 30 years apart.

It's you that is rude.

I've been in hospital a few times. Chatting to neighbours is something of a relief, you bond in a unique way.

My biggest bugbear is other people's visitors. Best thing ever was when I was in with covid and no visitors allowed.

I was in hospital today waiting for an x-ray and witnessed a chavy family abusing other patients for being foreign.

They only stopped when a man also sat waiting interjected and told them they should be ashamed of themselves, at which point a few more piled in to tell them to shut up or they'd get security.

Funnily enough, they made no racist comments when the person who came to treat them was from overseas, racism of convenience. Twats.

If you don't want to chat, I suggest that you do the following:

1. Read your book/magazine.
2. Put earphones on.
3. Stare fixedly into the middle distance.

If the above fail, I suppose you could try giggling to yourself and twitching.

I thought that the thinking around curtains was not about privacy in relation to socialability (or not), but about medical privacy/discretion? So curtains closed for any examination, ablutions, personal care etc, but curtains open so that nursing staff can observe you easily on the ward? I have only been on a maternity ward over night and curtains were pulled round if you wanted to sleep, but all drawn back in the morning for rounds and food etc.

I don't think chatting or not is rude. It can be intrusive, if persistent and unwanted, but it's also a shared experience at a difficult time and understandable that some want to talk, make contact, alieviate the worry and the boredom as others have said. No of course it isn't the height of rudeness, it's just different preferences.

You are rude. You should be helping others not ignoring them.

You're quite extreme in your attitude here. You aren't obligated to speak to the people in your bay and it's fine to keep your curtains shut but thinking it's rude for others in there to speak to each other feels quite sad.

Whenever I’ve been in hospital ( a lot of gynae issues over the past 20 years) I’ve chatted with the people in the other beds.
Ive only ever closed the curtain for examinations, having other PE to chat with makes the horrible situation bearable.

My husband was in hospital a few years ago. He made new friends.The five patients, all very different, on the ward shared everything: fruit, goodies, visitors. They got told off for laughing too much late at night. They all looked out for each other and I'm sure it helped their recovery.
On another occasion a young man (appendicectomy) was on his ward. After his operation, the young man got about eight young visitors. Amazingly when a nurse came in the youngsters were all spread out chatting away with the older patients.
A lot of people do not want to be isolated and alone when feeling ill.

If you feel like this don’t ever go to hospital in Glasgow. Or even get on a bus.

Seriously if you want to be undisturbed, then by all means say this, and draw your curtains. Others can do as they wish, and most will talk to each other.

Oh give over OP. It's not at all normal to be in a small room in a hospital room and NOT talk to them. If you don't want to talk, just say "sorry, I'm just going to rest for a bit, not feeling up to chit chat today" and leave it at that. If they persist then they WOULD be rude. But it's completely weird and not at all polite/superior/whatever else you're making out to pretend they're not even there!

I was in hospital with my poorly daughter for 3 weeks last year. I was in the corner of the ward and it was policy to keep your curtains open during the day. An entitled bitch next to me refused to open her curtains (not that I wanted to chat) but it meant that I felt trapped and isolated staring at dark blue curtains all day 😭

So you get your emotional and communication needs fulfilled by 'talking' online to randoms you just happen to use the same website as, whereas they do it in the original manner.

It's not a competition, it's just a desire for human connection exacerbated by being unwell.

But the OP isn't wondering if she's rude for wanting to keep herself to herself by not chatting, but she's saying she thinks others are rude because they do want to talk.

How can it be rude that people are being friendly and trying to be amiable?

Sorry I usually try to see others point of view but not in this case. Hospitals are cold and u friendly and people being people like being able to talk to others, my mam was in hospital for almost a year and she honestly wouldn't have coped if it wasn't for the fact she was able to chat to people in her ward. If you don't want to engage just put your earphones in and leave the others to get o with it.

I think the norm is to chat with your ward mates unless they're truly dreadful isn't it?
I recall being amazed when my dad had to spend a week or so in hospital and seeing these 6 men of vastly differing ages and no doubt home lives too get on so brilliantly together, so kind and supportive of each other - it was wonderful to watch.

YABU. How can you accuse someone you’re essentially sharing a bedroom with as being ‘rude’ for trying to make polite chit chat? I’m glad people with ideas like this only seem to exist on Mumsnet.

My mum was in hospital for months and took a lot of comfort in chatting to others in her ward,especially as hospital care wasn't the best and they all supported each other. One of her ward friends went to her funeral.

So no, I definitely don't agree op!

I was in hospital for over a month earlier this year. I am an introvert and felt bad for not chatting more, but I certainly wouldn’t begrudge others chatting.