The think that if you are a patient in hospital, that it is the height of rudeness and intrusiveness to attampt to chit chat with your roommates

[user1471516498]

I have a long standing medical condition that means I have to spend quite a bit of time in hospital. Privacy on NHS wards is pretty minimal, so I have always thought that it was polite to keep your curtains closed if possible, and if they have to be open, then you put headphones in, avoid eye contact and generally avoid inflicting yourself on others. And certainly you don't make small talk with complete strangers.
I am not being unfriendly here, I am just treating other people how I would want to be treated. The last thing I want when I am feeling ill is to have to talk to people who I have nothing in common with other than being in the same room.
In all of my many hospital stays, I have never been rude enough to intrude on others, but the two women in my bay are just being insufferable! Is it just me, or is this just downright rude?

Perhaps from their point of view they find it comforting to make small talk. Maybe it takes their mind off being ill?

Honestly I'm not a particularly extroverted person but I'd probably chat to the people in the same room ase tbh.
But I've only had 2 hospital stays in the past 10 years so maybe if it was a regular thing I'd feel differently?
I'm a Londoner as well so I totally get the "headphones in, avoid eye contact" thing because I do it daily on the tube!

I have never been an in-patient but coming from a nurses perspective a lot of people get very lonely in hospital or are scared and nervous which leads them to talk more than they usually would. Even if they get visitors in the evening some of the people perhaps get regular visitors during the day at home and aren’t used to people not talking to them. In my experience anyone who didn’t want to be communicated with just kept their curtains closed but if they have to be open they’ve just explained to their roommates that they’re not in the mood for a chat and keep earphones in/eye mask on.

You seem strangely lacking in empathy. Just because being incommunicado is your choice aren’t you able to conceive of the idea that other people are not of the same opinion? As a nurse I have seen many people greatly cheered and uplifted by a bit of ward bonding and chat and friendships are forged between some very unlikely people. Just crack on with giving out leave me alone vibes and eventually people will. But you are being unreasonable to think it’s appalling of them to try to chat, they may be scared and need a handheld or just friendly people, just politely shut them down.

Curtains closed = no chatting
headphones in = no chatting
open curtains looking around = chatting an option.

My mum was in hospital for near 3 months, of course she chatted to the people around her.

I don’t think it’s that unusual to make small talk with bed neighbours especially if visitors are only in the evening.

Equally wouldn’t think it was rude if someone didn’t want to talk. I’d hope I could read the room.

Yabu as you’ve made up those rules and are now thinking people are rude for not following them?
If your curtains are shut, fair enough. But if they’re open I would not think someone was rude to make small talk.
Some people take comfort from company and sharing concerns or even just small talk.

I've been in hospital a fair bit.

I like to chat to the other patients - quite apart from anything else hospital is boring as fuck so it gives you something to do other than music/read/doze.

They'll also help you out and you can help them. I had trouble getting to the toilet (can't walk well) and they helped me from my bed to get there. I got others cups of tea/coffee if they were off getting scans or whatever when the tea trolley came round.

I don't think you have to chat to them - many people in hospital are too ill to chat anyway - but it really isn't rude to do so.

I’ve been in hospital many times and usually make some ward friends. My favourite the mum of a celeb (she herself has featured alongside him too on TV) and it really did make the last week of my 3wk stay bearable. Many like to chat, I guess they have got the message that you don’t.

Hospitals can be lonely enough without being confined to silence.

I'm very introverted and quite shy. I feel super uncomfortable sleeping in a room with complete strangers I haven't spoken to and a bit of chat makes it less weird.

On a recent two week stay in hospital the 3 other women in my bay (not the same 3 for the whole 2 weeks) all chatted when appropriate. Eg, not too early or late in the day, not when people had medical stuff going on, not if curtains were closed or headphones on.

Good lord I absolutely agree OP.

I've never had to experience an NHS ward and been lucky enough to go private 3 times in the last few years.

But I barely even talk to the nurses and make myself into as small and convenient package of a patient as I can. I also decline all offers of food or tea/coffee, the idea of sitting in a bed and eating is grim. If someone tried to small talk to me I would make it VERY clear that I am not the person they are hoping for.

I don't give a hoot if that's rude or not. You won't get better if you are constantly worried about offending someone or feeling obliged to be social.

If I saw a patient in a bay with constantly closed curtains, ear phones in, not even a hello to others in the bay, I'd assume they had SEN, ND, didn't speak English or maybe MH issues.

There is a difference between saying hello and being friendly vs someone chatting all day and night! Some people have no visitors at all, so might benefit from a 'hello, how are you doing?' I'd hate constant, all day chat though!

It’s not the height of rudeness, but if you don’t want to chat that’s fine. Just politely say you’re not feeling well/ aren’t feeling like chatting, put your headphones in and ignore them.

I wouldn’t want to chat much either, but it’s not rude if others try as long as they stop when you tell them you don’t want to. Some people like to chat, others don’t.

depends on the person

Keeping the curtains closed is fine for the person in the end bed, but for the poor people in the middle of the ward it's horrible if all you can see is opposite you and not to the sides - especially if the windows are in the end of the ward.

So much nicer to have everything open unless the curtains are closed for a reason.

Chatting in neither here nor there, if you're don't want to put headphones in or head in a book.

I once comforted a lady who had been diagnosed with bowel cancer by the doctors on their morning rounds. They had called her DH but didn’t wait for him. She came over to me in a state of shock and told me, and I am sure she appreciated a hug and a friendly ear. Hospital ‘friends’ for many gets people through a tough time.

The last time I was in hospital I was 23, my mum had been dead ten days, I’d cared for her for a year prior, and a drunk driver wrote off my dad’s car the day before NYE, and nearly wrote me off too. I don’t know what I would have done without the two older women either side of me, and their lovely conversation. If you don’t want to chat, fine, but it’s certainly not downright rude. I’d say that keeping your curtains closed all day is rude, and I say that as an introvert.

I think it’s normal to chat to the other room occupants and quite odd to think it’s rude. In the olden days when we used to stay in hospital after a birth women sometimes made friends.

Curtains shut = leave me alone
Curtains open = a review of body language and openness to chat and yes some people may chat. Obviously if person has headphones in and is completely ignoring eye contact they don't want to chat. But others in the bay may be bored and loney and find comfort in chatting to each other.

Lonely not loney

You quite literally are being unfriendly, but it's your prerogative to conduct yourself as you see fit. 🤷🏼‍♀️

the problem is, there's no escape!
I know if it was me I'd end up listening to someone's life story/woes/ailments and having to sympathise with them, when it's the one time I have my own problems which I'd rather prioritise just for once in my life
and once you establish yourself as a person to talk to, that's it, you're fucked

I've been in hospital a lot. I'm very much an introvert.

Sometimes I don't speak to people at all, and neither does anyone else, sometimes it organically becomes a full on sleepover vibe! 😂

I've never been on a bay where we were allowed to keep curtains closed during the day though - they want to be able to see you're not dead on the floor in my experience.