The think that if you are a patient in hospital, that it is the height of rudeness and intrusiveness to attampt to chit chat with your roommates

[user1471516498]

I have a long standing medical condition that means I have to spend quite a bit of time in hospital. Privacy on NHS wards is pretty minimal, so I have always thought that it was polite to keep your curtains closed if possible, and if they have to be open, then you put headphones in, avoid eye contact and generally avoid inflicting yourself on others. And certainly you don't make small talk with complete strangers.
I am not being unfriendly here, I am just treating other people how I would want to be treated. The last thing I want when I am feeling ill is to have to talk to people who I have nothing in common with other than being in the same room.
In all of my many hospital stays, I have never been rude enough to intrude on others, but the two women in my bay are just being insufferable! Is it just me, or is this just downright rude?

You might come across rude. For others small talk is polite.

They might also be lonely

You’re entirely entitled to want to talk to no one, obviously, but no, those who feel differently aren’t being ‘insufferable’, no. You’re used to hospital. Some people are absolutely terrified of it, and will deal with that in a variety of different ways. Some will go silent, some will get gabby. You can civilly let them know you don’t want to talk, but they’re not wrong to want to.

If you don't want to talk then I think that's fine...your choice. But no, they're not being rude.

Sitting in silence while everyone stares at their phones and pretends the person next to them doesn't exist is such a sad state of affairs.

Just think you're happy to talk to people on a mumsnet forum but don't even want to pass the time of day with the actual person you're in a room with...

I had a recent hospital stay and two of my ward mates and I had lovely conversations despite an age gap of, I'd say 30+ years. One was a bit too chatty but I thought she might be missing home and her family and she certainly was no harm so I obliged in small talk. There were only two of us left in the ward in the evening as everyone else was discharged as day cases and it was lovely to have the lady next to me to stay up late together and to just be a presence in the early hours when we both couldn't sleep.

I agree if your curtains are closed no chatting but if they’re open it may be taken as a cue to chat.

If you’re really not wanting to talk surely just pointing to your headphones is enough?

Im pretty unsociable and it’d probs get on my nerves too but I can certainly understand the reasons why people want to chat - I’d try to be polite and chat for a bit and then just read or pretend to sleep when I’d had enough.

I think your assessment of it being “the height of rudeness” is a bit much. Surely it’d be ruder for them to chat to one another and not include you?

I wonder if talking to others makes them feel less alone and less vulnerable. If you don't want to talk to anyone then keep your curtains shut and headphones on

My Dad had this too. He really loved the sociability of it. It was quite unexpected as he isn't terribly out going really, but all life was there. I'm not sure there are many circumstances where a group of random men are lumped together, a bit vulnerable, with out something to be doing, and left to chat.

I too have a few chronic illnesses and have spent more than my fare share of time in hospital.

I do like my privacy and try and catch up on tv etc as I'm a busy working mum and never get time to myself usually.

That said, more recently I've tried to speak to people a bit more. Purely because I'm usually on a ward with old people who don't always get visitors and I think it might be nice for them incase they don't get much companionship at home or in hospital.

I've been in hospital a lot in my life and we were never allowed to keep the curtains closed, you could only have them pulled around if you were being examined or bathed or using a comode etc
ETA : I always liked chatting to whoever was in the bay with me when I was in, it was very friendly, we'd swap books and magazines, talk about our friends and family, I must have been lucky to be with other friendly ladies like me

I've been in hospital twice in the past few months. Both times in a 4 bay ward with other women. Curtains round for ward rounds and rest, and open for Meals and general chat. I met some lovely people who were sometimes miles from home without regular visits (including me), scared, in pain, old and young. None of them encroached on people's privacy if they wanted it. I slept when I wanted to, chatted if I wanted to, chatted to them if they wanted to, or just watched screen and had headphones on. They were all helpful, friendly and supportive. There was only one patient and her family who were rude to staff, noisy and belligerent, but thankfully she wasn't there very long and I just closed my curtains when I wanted to ignore them.

I've spent years of my life in hospitals with one thing and another, other patients make it bearable.

As somebody who worked for 30 yrs as a nurse I’d say most people do want to have a chat and be sociable with other patients and indeed other peoples visitors . If you do not want to pull the curtains slightly and headphones on . Last time I was in hospital I was in a hospital that mainly has all private en suite rooms , barely saw any staff members all week , bells go unanswered etc . From my POV it was fine , I have relatives to visit and I was very ill so mainly asleep but many elderly people really find that being in private rooms is too isolating .

I think a lot of people find comfort in chatting to people going through similar/parallel.

My mum has chemo every 3 weeks and always chats to people. My mum has been through this before so she’s often comforting people and answering questions they perhaps haven’t had time to fully digest or think about with the medical staff. I’m very proud of her.

If you don’t want to chat, you can just say “I’m terribly sorry I’m just going to have some quiet time with my headphones, thank you”.

Life is hard enough without cutting off people. So no it’s not the height of rudeness.

I've spent about 6 weeks on the wards myself, and another few at my late partners bedside.

I always got chatting with the women around me during my stays. Sometimes someone would say something like "I'd like a nap now" and close their curtains and we'd make an effort to be quieter for a while. I can't imagine spending days with someone and fully ignoring their existence.

It was more quiet in the mens wards when I was with my partner but there was a few jokes and laughs and I made friends with a couple of other women who were visiting every day like me and we'd go to the cafe together when the ward closed for lunchtime.

I'm thankful to all the friendly faces who helped add some bright spots and laughs to some very scary and stressful parts of my life.

I was coming on to say that. Very claustrophobic and isolating being surrounded by closed curtains.

I would think you a little odd OP. Wards can be lovely, supportive places. Often patients encourage each other in their physio for example, or just chat to try and take away some loneliness or worry. Sometimes people are in hospital for months and have few, if any visitors.

As a side note nurses often want curtains open so they can keep an eye on your health easier.

Exactly this!!

It’s normal to talk to people and there’s nothing rude about it, unless the curtains are closed.

If you want privacy you'll have to go private.

You sound incredibly ignorant.

If you aren’t a friendly person then that’s fine, stick your noise cancelling headphones in and ignore everyone around you.

But it’s not for you to decide if people make conversation with each other. In fact it’s the height of rudeness and ignorance to judge people for daring to interact.

I also decline all offers of food or tea/coffee, the idea of sitting in a bed and eating is grim.

So clearly you haven't ever had to be in for a number of days, let alone weeks, if you don't eat or even drink while in hospital. A day with no company can be fine especially if you're inclined that way, but after a few days any social contact other than overworked nurses seeing you to do observations can be a blessing!

I can sit totally immersed in my Kindle as well as anyone, but just a cheery "good morning", or "how did your tests/scan go" reminds me I'm actually a real person & the world still exists outside the ward.

Some people are talkers. Last time I was in hospital, the first lot of people that were there were quiet and kept to themselves.

The 3rd lot had one woman who wouldn’t shut up. She kept trying to talk to me and I felt awkward sitting there in silence so felt like I had to reply. Luckily she was only in for a few hours as she was waiting for discharge

If you believe that it is the height of rudeness and intrusiveness
to chat to your fellow patients then I suggest you have been very lucky in your inpatient experiences.

Having had surgery several times for a brain tumour and having been an inpatient for over a month once, people attempting small talk is really low down on the list of possible intrusions.

I’m not a massive fan of chatting to my bedfellows but would always attempt some sort of friendly contact.

Some people want to chat. It’s not rude. Just make it clear you don’t. It’s like life in general.

Only if your curtains are closed, otherwise sorry op but have had some of the best pick me ups and in turn I hope I’ve picked up people’s days too with conversation. Sorry you spend a lot of time in hospital though

So what...you wouldn't eat or drink a single thing for 5 days if you were bed bound?

You are allowed to get up out of bed to eat your food ... there's always a chair by the bed. Also there's often a family room where you might be able to eat as well...

You can only have ever been a day patient or something... You refuse all food and drink is bizarre if you'd stayed more than 8 hours or whatever.

Yep that has been the case at our local hospital. All en-suite rooms sounds marvellous but not so great for elderly frightened , confused, distressed patients!
This was predicted when the planning proposal was made for the new hospital.
The clinical staff were so against the idea.
Increased workload,patient safety compromised and it’s a bloody long day for many being left in a room on their own .