To think your 30s are the most knackering decade?

[TheyNicknamedHerTheBolter]

I'm 37 so am very happy to be told I'm wrong and that actually it gets worse.

I've just been chatting to a colleague who is 22 and lives at home. She went abroad with her friend for Xmas and told me how desperate she had been to get away and that the break or sleeping in, eating and drinking all day and resting on the beach did her the world of good. Now; that's lovely and I'm genuinely glad she enjoyed it but it did make me smile when she suggested I did the same next year.
My break would include taking 3 DC (one with autism) and a DH. There wouldn't be much sleeping on the beach.

Now I'm thinking about the juggling act of this life phase, kids, houses to run, full time employment, the mental load etc etc etc. I'm KNACKERED all of the time.

I know as my kids grow up (currently 4, 9 and 14) it may get even harder, but I do hope as I get older I can work a little less and have a bit more me time, until the needs of caring for parents kicks in, at least?

So please tell me, wise mumsnetters, is this the hardest slog or does it get more exhausting? Which decade have you found the hardest?

I’m 45 and can honestly say that I’ve never been more exhausted

**young dependent kids

I'm doing much better in my 40s energy and sleep wise etc, because my 30s were child rearing. So it did reverse! But only because I was in the trenches then.

I loved this answer, it was so well written and all so true.

I've had a lot of very tough, quite relentless hard times over the past decade, mostly head injury related. I had a head injury, post concussion syndrome, mental breakdown, then was injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic prescribed for severe insomnia and anxiety. There were many times that I spent feeling extremely exhausted, depressed and angry at my body and life, including dealing with other issues like my DB passing away, an ectopic pregnancy surgery, and the start of perimenopause after my youngest daughter was born in 2020.

But all of these dreadful times were also interspersed with wonderful times too, including the birth of my two youngest and watching my eldest daughter flourish as she was becoming older. Life is very hard sometimes but it seems there is always something to be grateful for ❤️✨️

Now I'm thinking about the juggling act of this life phase, kids, houses to run, full time employment, the mental load etc etc etc. I'm KNACKERED all of the time.

Well, that's you in your 30s, but not every person in the world 😂. Some don't have kids, some have them earlier/later than you, some people get ill, others are hit by the menopause and all that comes with getting older. I don't think sweeping generalisations are very helpful and I think you might look back on your 30s quite differently at 66!

I don't think there's a definitive answer, because it will depend if/when you had kids, how many kids, your job and working hours, whether you have support, your own health, your kids sleep and health including mental health, whether you have parents, their health and how much involvement you have with them, and how much h time you have for self care, hobbies, relaxation etc etc

In my 30s I had 2 very young kids, PND and my mum died when I was 33. Despite having healthy NT kids, and working pt, a lot of it felt like survival mode.
My dad died when I was 41, so i havent had parents as support/childcare for much time, as a parent, but equally i havent been in the position of caring for them either.

I would say 40s working ft, with 2 tweens/ teens has (so far) been easier than 30s for me. I have friends in their 50s and their life doesn't seem awful, (several have lost a parent but ive already had that life-stage) so I'm hesitantly optimistic that it might not be all downhill from here! I've booked this years summer holiday and having a mini celebration that there is only 1 more summer holiday to do in school holidays! 😃

@BishyBarnyBee I do agree with youby the way- it's when you have multiple things all overlapping it can get overwhelming - my comment was more related to 'me'

I'm mid 40s, youngest dc is 10, have two older teens, and I have to say it actually feels harder. The dc's problems get bigger and harder to solve for them plus they get more expensive. Then elderly parents need caring for which is a massive burden. You work more because the dc are older and so you can, but then you're pulled in more directions and so very very drained. I'm looking forward to my 60s in the hope I have a bit of time to relax to myself, trouble with that is I'll not have much living left to actually do. I won't hold my breath though!

Not really - you asked (to another poster, a couple of years older than I am) "do you have teenage children?" and I have had - DS1 is 19, although DS2 is 10. So in my specific circumstances, I've found my 40s much more chilled and less tiring than my 30s, but people's experiences vary.

I just missed it - just - I turned 40 and DS1 turned 13 a couple of months later. DH is a year younger than I am, so he was 39 when DS1 was 13.

mid 40’s - menopause and teens has ruined me. I am constantly tired but can’t sleep - hence me posting here at nearly midnight.
sorry. It gets worse.

Haven't reason the replies but Jesus christ, Tey being 53 with semi young kids, a demanding job, menopause, weight gain, what I wouldn't do to be back I'm my 30s

Compared to childhood and your 20s then yea, your 30s are hard and tiring.

Compared to what comes later, absolutely not!

Well I've fd it up and didn't have babies till 44 and 45 so that is def my hardest bit. Both poor sleepers plus perimenopause and lost both parents so no help and support.

I don't think it's competitive though, in my 30s before I met DH I was exhausted too, did everything at home, high pressure long hours job and had to go out all the time to see people and try to meet a DH.

I'd love to post this post on a men's forum and see which decade they find easier.

20s easy, 30s, easy, 40s easy but divorce. 50s hook up with 30 year old.. 60s,70s draw massive pension because I had it easy and refused to share it.

89s stomp around being grumpy.

This, and often more seniority and responsibility at work.

30s were a song compared to my 40s. Not looking forward to what the 50s will bring

I hope so, I'm exhausted haha. But I doubt it 😆

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Most of us are suggesting 50s and menopause, teenagers, work commitments and aging parents were an absolutely knackering combination. You haven’t reached that age or stage yet, so prob best to wait and see

But it really isn't like that for everyone!

I have teenagers, work FT, have (needy) aging parents and it's really not knackering/exhausting/awful/the worst decade... etc.

TBH, I don't think any decade has been knackering/exhausting/awful so far in my life - maybe I'm just too positive? Believe me, I've dealt with some shit too.

Definitely 50s

Menopause

Looking after elderly

This. Not everything has to correlate with age. We live in such an age obsessed society.
Not that it matters but I found my 20s the worst because life threw loads of crap at me and I didn’t have the resilience to cope with it. I have one child who is 7 and an absolute dream, a very flexible job and no money worries and I am 40. I am finding life easier as I get older.

Can I ask what the 60s are like for most people? For those that have reached that stage.

50s is well known to be the sandwich stage but what happens afterwards? Assuming we are fortunate enough to get there.

This is the decade where luck, genetics, and the consequences of your earlier life choices really kick in.

If you are fortunate enough to have enough money to retire or reduce your working hours in your early 60s, and have good health, the world is your oyster. You are quite likely to be dealing with the needs of elderly parents - though many will have lost both parents before now - and that can be distressing and overwhelming. But it is much easier to deal with if you aren't working full time or looking after young kids.

But for some at this age, poor health (their own or partners) will really limit quality of life and mobility. If you don't have good pension provision and have to work full time, that gets harder as you get older, so you will be knackered in a way your 30 year old self could hardly imagine. And being a full time carer when you are ageing yourself can be truly exhausting.

I believe there is evidence that happiness reaches a low in your 40s then climbs up after 50. I found 50 dispiriting then made a real effort to address my weight and fitness and am very active and content in my 60s. But I'm so aware that this stage is limited and that life can deliver a curveball at any point. So I am very appreciative of what I have.

But I also believe, looking back over a long life with some serious bad patches in it, that all life is precious, even the struggles. And there is so much that we take for granted at every stage. So I try very hard to remember to appreciate the bright bits as they happen.