To think your 30s are the most knackering decade?

[TheyNicknamedHerTheBolter]

I'm 37 so am very happy to be told I'm wrong and that actually it gets worse.

I've just been chatting to a colleague who is 22 and lives at home. She went abroad with her friend for Xmas and told me how desperate she had been to get away and that the break or sleeping in, eating and drinking all day and resting on the beach did her the world of good. Now; that's lovely and I'm genuinely glad she enjoyed it but it did make me smile when she suggested I did the same next year.
My break would include taking 3 DC (one with autism) and a DH. There wouldn't be much sleeping on the beach.

Now I'm thinking about the juggling act of this life phase, kids, houses to run, full time employment, the mental load etc etc etc. I'm KNACKERED all of the time.

I know as my kids grow up (currently 4, 9 and 14) it may get even harder, but I do hope as I get older I can work a little less and have a bit more me time, until the needs of caring for parents kicks in, at least?

So please tell me, wise mumsnetters, is this the hardest slog or does it get more exhausting? Which decade have you found the hardest?

I'm a couple of years younger than the poster you replied to, but have 19 and 10 yr olds, and am far fitter, happy and rested than in my 30s, also no sign of menopause or peri or whatever. DS1 was far, far easier as a teenager than a toddler.

Okay, so it’s all to come for you! And….you are not even 50 yet. Most people are very fit in their 40s why wouldn’t they be? And most of your dc are not even teenagers. You are a way off when it becomes challenging I suspect.

I don't understand why people say that teens are such hard work. It's the stage I actually loved with my lot. Even DD1 who was " difficult" at times. Although I was in my 30s mainly not 40/50s when elder ones were teenagers

It’s not typical for mothers to be in their 30s with teens tbh. Completely different ballgame I suspect.

Really? Maybe on mumsnwt but out in the real world it's not uncommon

30's I had so much 'time' and never felt tired. I did so much. More than my 20's.

40's has that can't be fucked attitude even though I try. I never get as much done as my 30's.

There is a twenty year difference - it will of course be completely different - also the demands will be different such as older parents etc.

I don’t know anyone that has teenagers in 30s, no one at all, we were all just starting out with pregnancies but ofc it happens. I guess you could be a grandmother late 30s/early 40s and a great grandmother soon after in your late 50s!

Lol sorry OP

Try late 40s

peri menopause, aging body, teenagers, aging parents needing care, career intensifying

I’m drained. I swear the only thing keeping me going is the PPs saying it gets better in your 50s 🤣

I’m about 50 and I’m less physically exhausted than I was with young decent kids, but way more mentally exhausted. Tricky phase with teenagers, ageing parents, friends getting ill / divorced, menopause…

… and putting my back out because I sneezed wrong.

Sorry OP, for me it is harder in my fifties. Have teenager DC's, elderly parents and MIL to look after. Sandwich generation. DH can be hard work as we argue when things are overwhelming and i need more support. Going through the memopause but on HRT which has helped immensely. I keep thinking, things will definitely get easier. Taking one day at a time.

laughs hollowly in perimenopausal 40s but not too hard otherwise my sciatica’ll flare up and the stress of that will probably bring on a migraine resulting in the need for a lie down somewhere quiet like Switzerland.

I'm in my forties and agree it's my hardest one by quite far. Hopeful for my fifties!

@Wildwalksinjanuary I do - 17 and 19 year old sons 😍

Mid 40s. DC are 9 & 11. I have a lot more energy than I did in my 30s and time to go to gym several times a week. Mind you if I believe what I read on MN then I’ve years of exhausting hellish ahead of me as all teenagers are awful, moody and likely to have MH issues or some kind of disorder.

Back in the real world, most of my friends with teens say their DC are fine. The odd issue here and there but nothing too dramatic. The threads I read on here with teenagers who threaten their parents, scream abuse at them, smoke weed and refuse school..I just don’t know any children who behave like this.

Fairly sure I’m peri menopausal but my symptoms are mild.

Parents and in-laws have all passed away so no elder care to worry about.

50's and knackered. Teen & 20,s dc's full time working, I sleep alot but admit I have more time than I did when they were younger. I can't retire till 68! 😫

My DD had her first child at 23. She went to a local baby group near where she was living at the time and most of the others there were either a few years younger or had 2 or 3 kids by then. She tried a group near where I live ( next town) and she was a good 10-15 years younger than the other first time mums

So yeah there's an awful lot of difference.

Oh fuck, so knackered and overwhelmed in mid 30s young kid stage and this all sounds horrific.

I'm 49 and I think 30s were deffo harder/more tiring than forties. For me, teens are a breeze compared to toddlers. I know many disagree though.

This is why I had children later! I loved my 30s, definitely my best decade so far. I had so much fun and the money to do it!

I think your 30's are knackering due to external factors (mostly kids). Late 40's due to your own biology and ageing.

Nope- much harder with elderly parents and teens and more likely to have your own health issues too ( that time can be mid 40s through to early 60s depending on when your parents and you have kids)

Late 40s.
Today:
worked with my class of children with significant additional needs (so been hit, spat at, provided personal care on top of teaching);
helped DS with an issue linked to housing at uni;
sorted car issues;
talked to solicitor re power of attorney;
talked to mum re: step-dad’s ongoing memory, cancer treatment and need for more testing, arranged to go and support his care and give her a MH break at the weekend.

Plus usual house stuff, planning for teaching and my own perimenopause. Feet ache, eye-sight shit and sleep is hit and miss.

Id happily take on my 30s again!

I had my son quite young and he’s now just moved out (he’s 21) Now, I’m early forties and loving life. So free and able to go on holiday and day trips whenever I like plus I’ve got much more money than I had twenty years ago. What’s not to like??!!

The thing is, it's different for all of us and it's not just about age.

Having young kids can be tough. Having kids with special needs can be tough. Teenagers can be tough. Caring for elderly parents can be tough. Menopause can be tough. Work can be tough. Your own heath issues can be tough.

If several of those tough things are going on at once, life can be relentlessly hard and unremitting. And it's the periods where you can't see an end to it that really wear you down.

But most of us find that over the course of a life, there are good and bad patches and hopefully not mostly bad. And the times with young children do tend to have a lot of positives in them, for all the grind.

All any of us can do is try to make the best of the stage we are, get as much support as we can and try and focus on the good bits..

On the flip side, I'm in my 40s with a 4yo.
So it depends