To think your 30s are the most knackering decade?

[TheyNicknamedHerTheBolter]

I'm 37 so am very happy to be told I'm wrong and that actually it gets worse.

I've just been chatting to a colleague who is 22 and lives at home. She went abroad with her friend for Xmas and told me how desperate she had been to get away and that the break or sleeping in, eating and drinking all day and resting on the beach did her the world of good. Now; that's lovely and I'm genuinely glad she enjoyed it but it did make me smile when she suggested I did the same next year.
My break would include taking 3 DC (one with autism) and a DH. There wouldn't be much sleeping on the beach.

Now I'm thinking about the juggling act of this life phase, kids, houses to run, full time employment, the mental load etc etc etc. I'm KNACKERED all of the time.

I know as my kids grow up (currently 4, 9 and 14) it may get even harder, but I do hope as I get older I can work a little less and have a bit more me time, until the needs of caring for parents kicks in, at least?

So please tell me, wise mumsnetters, is this the hardest slog or does it get more exhausting? Which decade have you found the hardest?

Not for me! I worked very part time while my dc were little. I found parenting small dc way easier than being at work. I'm currently 53, working full time and in perimenopause and am waaayyyy more tired than I ever was in my 30s. One dc is at university, the other in 6th form and no trouble at all.

aging parents in their mid-70's (ok, some might be very independent but others will need increasing amounts of support) Some ageing parents in their mid 70s are looking after their ageing parents of 100

@justgettingin please come and be my friend, you sound great!! X

Well, when you can only afford one holiday per year, it kind of is.

Mid 40s two asd children both primary ages, elderly parents and peri menopausal. Life is hell. Id give anything to have the energy I had in my 30s ( despite thinking I was tired. I had no idea!!) I struggle to get out of bed most mornings never mind hold down a full time job and family stuff on top.

Definately worse for me in my 50s. Full time job. Kids left home but 6 grandchildren who visit lots. and an elderly mother who is 86 . I am in the middle of everything and exhausted.. menopause issues..juggling house. Useless brother who wont help with our mother. DH self employed n works 7 days a week but he does help at home( sometimes) - In my 30s i had teenagers and was very fit and full of life. Now i am shattered most days n still have 10 yrs of working......

My 30s definitely were OP, I am 46 and have found from about 39 - now a lot better. I look dreadful in old photos, younger but dreadful.

I had three kids between 27-31 so by 39 they were a lot less tiring.

My parents are now 78 and fit and well, kids are teens and whilst difficult in different ways nothing like when they were little. I am not feeling any effects of the peri menopause and we have a LOT more money due to work progression (mainy DH) so have a lot more fun.

This isn't a brag and I am well aware this could end tomorrow, so I enjoy every moment, but it can certainly get better!

I think it depends a lot on health, age you have children, the way those children are, how you are as a mother, work, how much older than you your parents (etc) are and whether they need support.
My 30s was definitely the knackering decade so far - I had a 3 year old when I turned 30, and then another baby in my mid 30s. By the time I turned 40 I had a 13 year old and a 4 year old. I was also trying to build my career, and it was exhausting. DS1 was very, very hard work as a baby and toddler, he was an appalling sleeper, never stopped moving, he was a Duracell bunny. He was a much calmer and low-key and easy teenager than most.
I also found toddler years much harder than some mothers (to be honest) but find being the mother of a teenager easier in some ways. I think. Maybe I just had an awkward toddler who turned into an easy teen!
My 40s are much calmer. DS1 still doesn't sleep well, but that's mostly now a him problem. There are fewer crisis work-clashing-child-issues occasions. We have more money to reduce financial stress. My parents were in their 20s when I was born, so although they are getting older, they aren't really elderly and are in relatively good health.
If you have two children aged 39 and 41, for example, I bet your 40s are absolutely shattering, particularly if your parents are needing more support and able to give less.

A wise colleague used to say ”don’t panic, the worst is yet to come”. He was so right and that advice has served me well. Older kids, parents, the joys of discovering your pension may not be suitable to your planned retirement lifestyle… all yet to come. Don’t fret yet, the future is coming 😂

I suppose mileage varies - I'm not peri or actual menopausal yet, and DS1 was an incredibly chilled teenager (having been a nightmare baby and toddler). DS2, currently 10, might of course show me the error of my ways....

I'm on your grain - about the same age, sons are 19 and 10, parents mid-70s, but in reasonably good health and I have three siblings, work's interesting.

@TheyNicknamedHerTheBolter I don't think it is especially age related, although we do have a bit less energy as the years go by. It's more to do with the stage of life and your lifestyle which makes things more difficult to deal with.

I was 20 when I had my first baby and 24 when I had my second. That was not unusual in the early 70's. I coped much better with broken night sleeps and the like and was through the teenage years before I was 40. They weren't plain sailing, nor anything like it, but I know I would have coped much less well If I hadn't started with the kids for another 10 or 15 years

My 40's were great on the whole ( apart from the peri-menopause), and I was able to concentrate on my career from my mid-30's or so.

It's the stages we go through - just depends what age we are at those different stages

Thank god you wrote this because I was thinking I may as well just give up now 🤣

I do think people forget as well. I forgot how awful it was to be pregnant within 2 years! And here we are again 😂

My 30s did feel tiring with two DCs etc…but I look back and laugh. 40s are much, much harder. Teenagers, emotions, seeing them making life-affecting decisions, big exams, first heartbreaks….all with less energy because my job became more senior, fluctuating hormones, insomnia and less energy and recovery powers.
Enjoy your 30s OP!!!!

Don't be depresed, we're not all the same!

I'm 48, the fittest I've ever been with the menopause nowhere in sight.

I go out more than ever (gym, walking, pub, seeing friends) and honestly don't recognise some of the signs of aging on here - I'm great fornow... 😄

So far, my 40s (with 3 kids between toddlerhood and the teenage years) have been a million times better than my 30s, which was a decade of permanent exhaustion and standing around in playgrounds in the rain. I'm only a couple of years in though!

Oh god op. The menopause with teenagers and elderly parents combined, exhaustion and some health issues it is so challenging. I would swap with you any day of the week!!!!!

Do you have teenage children??

This.

🤣🤣🤣

Your late 80s are a bit shit for most, from what I've seen..

Other than that... different phases are exhausting for different reasons. The worst bits are where it seems utterly endless and thankless, but actually, all stages pass in time and when you look back, there are compensations for much of it.

Looking back at parenthood now none of our kids are in the same city as us, I'm just grateful we had it all, stress, exhaustion, teenage silks, the full shebang. Didn't always feel like that at the time though.

I think it’s because the thirties decade can go by without registering the deficits in wellbeing that happen when you don’t prioritise making healthy lifestyle choices.

I'm 51. Having thought 30s (and then 40s) were the worst decades, frankly I'm underwhelmed with 50s so far. Sorry, OP. Plenty of friends would say different to me, I'm sure!

You are a few months in 😆

See I found 40s easier. My kids were independent ( 2 moved out in that time) My parents weren't that elderly or infirm . Mortgage paid off so not so much pressure to work all the hours God sends. Menopause didn't really affect me Noticed periods becoming irregular at 44 and finished by 46.