HELP! Children’s birthday party invites!

[Twittwoofiftytwo]

Okay so I’m aware that I sound like a terrible person. My five-year-old daughter‘s birthday is next month and we are having a party in a hall so capacity isn’t limited.

She recently started reception in September since then she’s had a couple of issues with five children in her class that have special educational needs. When I say issues she’s been pushed off a climbing frame and had her lips split open, she’s been punched, she’s been spat at she’s been sent home weekly pretty much with injuries.

She doesn’t want these children at her birthday party but I feel very bad inviting the whole class except five of them. What would you do in this scenario? Am I being unreasonable in inviting everyone except a handful of children?

what would you do? Would you tell the parents of the children you aren’t inviting???

Put your daughter first.

Eurgh another disgustingly ableist thread. By your own admission OP you don’t even know if the children causing these incidents actually have SEN so please stop promoting dangerous stereotypes.

Party issues aside, it’s awful for everyone when children aren’t supported in school and as you’ve seen can have knock on effects for the whole class. It’s not the SEN children’s fault there is no money and no support for children that need it (getting deregulated when disabled is not within the child’s control FYI).

If you need to direct anger somewhere direct it at the government who oversaw 10 years of slashed budget and services, not an 4/5 year olds.

I don't like the "invite everyone in class because it's fair rule," I think kids should invite their friends and who they like.
In the big wide world you are not going to get invited and included in every single thing. Obviously I wouldn't not include 1 child unless they were very cruel, but not including 5 kids she doesn't get on with is fine. It's her party, she should have who she wants.

It's perfectly reasonable not to invite people who hurt your child. Don't teach her at this young an age that she has to put up with it.

Why would a they even want to go to her party if they don't like her?

That's the twattiest thing I've seen in a while here.

Wow..that's so not ok. Badly done.

You invite who you want. I think it would be bad to exclude one child from a class party but I don't think excluding five is an issue. I wouldn't force my child to engage with children who have hurt hurt especially on her birthday.

Errrr no I don’t think so!

OP is only responsible for her own daughter and has spent the las three years being a present parent and raising her to be kind.

I would move schools whilst she young.

She shouldn’t be someone else’s punch bag.

Those saying ableist? Really you’d let your child suffer week in week out?

I do feel for those with violent children and from what I see they are raised by uninterested parents who think it’s the schools job to sort out.

It's ridiculous that people on here are expecting you to invite aggressive children.
Would they want their workplace bullies to attend their party?

Of course they wouldn't.

Glad you are sticking up for your daughter, and the other kids will be probably be relieved as well

Definitely don't need to invite all. I'd limit it to children your child plays with, which presumably isn't literally every single kid in the class other than the 5 you mentioned.

Don't invite children who hurt your child.
That's a boundary that it is ok to have in place, at this age and as she grows.
Many children have s*it lives but don't hurt others.
Many children have great lives but have parents who don't put in place boundaries and therefore think it's ok to hurt others.
Do right by your child.

Going with half the class seems like a great solution. Also I appreciate that with a hall party there is no limit on numbers, but costs will increase with each goody bag/ cake you prepare.

I always went with the "whole class" or small group approach too.

I have to say I agree here. It’s awful for those kids and their families but I wouldn’t force my child to invite kids who have physically harmed her (esp enough to split her lip) to her party. A mixed party of her best friends from school and outside school is the best approach as not to be specifically leaving kids out!
however I don’t agree we should make our kids accept ‘violence’ despite having behavioural problems or not.

If my child was being physically hurt by 5 different kids in the class in a weekly basis I’d also be having to look at my child’s part in that. I can’t stand the “my child is an angel and it’s all the other kids fault”.

of course you can exclude whoever you choose but, personally I’d rather cancel the whole thing than leave just a handful out. Either limit it to half the class or include everyone and use the opportunity to see how these interactions occur and what can be done about it.

If some children are physically hurting your child it is absolutely reasonable to not invite them regardless of the SEN status. I’d be talking to the school as what you are describing is totally unacceptable, again irrespective of another child’s SEN.

Exactly- They'd run amok and probably spoil it for the other kids, plus having to give them food and party bags- {after they have punched and spat at the party girl?}
Imagine if a child was injured -more likely with aggressive children amped up on e numbers and sugar.

If the head isn’t on this I’d complain to governors

Hmm, now you're also in contention for twattiest post
Wtf is wrong with you?

Have a smaller party and don't invite the entire class or invite the SEN children's parents to stay so they can supervise.

It's not right that your daughter regularly sustains injuries or is spat on. Where are the teachers when this happens?

hi @Twittwoofiftytwo - I’m sorry your daughter has been hurt. This is awful.

I would invite a smaller group made up of the children your DD is playing with and actually likes. I would add in family and other friends’ children - this is quite nice for the future - blending friendship groups. I did this a lot.

More importantly I would be worried my daughter was experiencing this level of behaviour against her at school. How is she coping with it? Is it just her being picked on?
Have you been into the school to discuss a plan?

good luck x

Completely fine to invite whoever you want to your daughters party
Definitely limit numbers if you want too
In year 1 I invited the whole class to my DS party in a bid to be inclusive as I live in a snotty area and with other friends it was way too many kids (like 50). When I asked my 5 year old son if he had a good time he said not really mum I didnt get a turn on the bouncy castle as there were so many children!
I also have another son with SEN and while symapthetic I wouldnt invite violent kids to his party! I'm not really sure what message and learning it sends them. Even on my birthday I have to tolerate kids being horrible to me!
The behavioural situation in your daugters class sounds quite alarming and I would be escalating it to the LA. My kids are adults now (21 and 18) so I'm out the other side but I wouldnt be happy.

How is it twatty? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Having SEN doesn't give you carte blanche to assault other children, then get an invite to their party.

It has to be said that children who do not have SEN do objectionable things too, they are still little kids and can be very boisterous.