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AIBU?

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Original poster

Happy couple without kids in the supermarket

133 replies

Theworldhasgonebananas · 07/01/2025 19:38

Shopping with Dd today, she’s going through a really intense stage of wanting something every time we’re out. I’ve told her there’s nothing else now, we’ve just had Christmas and a lot of treats etc. Dd kicked up a huge fuss, begging and crying.
30’s ish nice looking, smiley, relaxed couple looking at her with sympathy, woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up.
Noticing how fresh and relaxed and happy they were and in comparison how miserable, stressy I must have appeared.
I remember being like that, Dh and I were them. I remember us having conversations about how we seemed more positive and happier than our friends or people at work and we wondered what was wrong with everyone.
It was that they had kids 🙈😆 that was it.

Lighthearted..ish as adore my Dd obviously..but..wonder if these two will realise I wasn’t a mean mummy however many years down the row, if they decide to embark on the parenting journey.

OP posts:
Randomontheinternet25 · 07/01/2025 19:43

I'm pretty sure they don't really care, in the most polite way, they won't be giving it a second thought.

SevenWeeks · 07/01/2025 19:44

I doubt they think you're mean - they were probably smiling to show sympathy with you. They might even have children of their own, who weren't with them in the supermarket, in which case they've probably been in exactly that position too.

WomenInConstruction · 07/01/2025 19:46

Hahaha. How life looks through the other end of the telescope. Good to reminisce. 😁🤣

FiatMultiplaWhopper · 07/01/2025 19:46

They don’t care sorry…

and perhaps they won’t have kids and just have a nice chill life forever :)

DollopOfFun · 07/01/2025 19:49

I think you're projecting a bit, it was probably nothing more than them wanting to show sympathy, rather than looking like they were judging. I've done it so many times myself, I sometimes worry that it looks like I'm enjoying it 😂

I doubt they'll even remember it tomorrow, never mind some time in the future

Katemax82 · 07/01/2025 19:52

They might have kids you never know

Freshflower · 07/01/2025 19:54

I honestly used to be such a happy , cheerful , positive and chilled out person. Always laughing and being silly. Pretty too , gym girl looked after myself really well.Fast forward years after kids , I've aged about 100 yrs , put on about 3 stone and such a stressed out , cranky , exhausted, moody , miserable individual at times. Wish I could be care free again. Love my kids but life can be tough with them at times!! Easy to be cheerful and feel sorry for a child having a tantrum when you are not the parent dealing with it.

Rachmorr57 · 07/01/2025 19:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Kentuckycriedfrickin · 07/01/2025 19:58

DH and I usually smile at crying toddlers in supermarkets, we were in one just today looking relaxed and chilled.

Why do we look relaxed and chilled? Because our DC are all past the toddler stage and are at school so we're enjoying a week of annual leave where we get seven child-free hours together each day Grin

The toddler years will pass, OP and then you'll get your turn at being wise and laid-back in the face of someone else's toddler, secure in the knowledge that you've been there and done that.

Scottishgirl85 · 07/01/2025 19:58

Not going to lie, I TOTALLY (but silently) judged parents with seemingly out-of-control kids, before I had kids and became one of them myself. I'm now stressed out my box permanently 🤣
I now silently judge my child-free colleagues if they say they're tired.
I'm just judgey...

blubberyboo · 07/01/2025 19:59

It's human nature to observe other human behaviour. Be happy that you taught them something about your life today, and when they are going through a hard stage you'll have come out the other end

GreetingCeridwen · 07/01/2025 19:59

I think it's highly unlikely they were judging you. Perhaps in their (clumsy?) way they were just trying to be sympathetic or reassuring (some people become embarrassed when their children kick off in public, after all). And if they were judging, then screw em. As others have said, maybe they have kids themselves. We just don't know what anyone's deal really is just by looking at them.

NameChangedOfc · 07/01/2025 20:02

Scottishgirl85 · 07/01/2025 19:58

Not going to lie, I TOTALLY (but silently) judged parents with seemingly out-of-control kids, before I had kids and became one of them myself. I'm now stressed out my box permanently 🤣
I now silently judge my child-free colleagues if they say they're tired.
I'm just judgey...

Yep, that'll be me too 😅

Brefugee · 07/01/2025 20:03

when DH and i hear/see/encounter a tantrumming child we just fistbump and move on. We've done our time in the trenches and we're not unsympathetic.

Randomontheinternet25 · 07/01/2025 20:04

Some ppl on here are reading very deeply into a strangers passing interaction with other strangers.

poemsandwine · 07/01/2025 20:04

I'm just glad it's not me. They won't have thought about it much.

BarbaraHoward · 07/01/2025 20:06

Katemax82 · 07/01/2025 19:52

They might have kids you never know

I was thinking that!

I remember years ago I was pregnant with my second and out for a walk. A toddler was being an absolute pain for his mums, in and out of the buggy every ten seconds, shouting, stomping, all the rest. I gave them what I thought was a sympathetic smile from a fellow mum of a two year old.

But my two year old was at home napping and they clearly interpreted it as me thinking "my baby will never behave like that" and gave me utter filthies. Grin

BarbaraHoward · 07/01/2025 20:07

Scottishgirl85 · 07/01/2025 19:58

Not going to lie, I TOTALLY (but silently) judged parents with seemingly out-of-control kids, before I had kids and became one of them myself. I'm now stressed out my box permanently 🤣
I now silently judge my child-free colleagues if they say they're tired.
I'm just judgey...

Yup this is me too. And most of us I think.

User839516 · 07/01/2025 20:15

Yeah I have three young kids and when I'm out by myself dressed nice with make up on looking happy and stress-free and give (what I think are) sympathetic and encouraging smiles to parents of children who are playing up I do wonder if they think “yeah you’ll learn” 😂 but I already know!

sommerjade · 07/01/2025 20:15

Do not judge childless colleagues who say they are tired.
They may be like me, on a shit ton of sedating psychiatric and anti epileptic drugs which cause severe fatigue.

You are lucky to have the choice to have children so put up with the inevitable tiredness.
I can't have a baby and have no choice but to take these awful meds that leave me feeling flat and sedated. But I still try to turn up to my job.

AndThereSheGoes · 07/01/2025 20:17

One of the fun things if have kids that grow up is then you can truly appreciate how much easier things like shopping and travel is without them.
Love mine with my my heart but I also love having not to cart a big bag of nappies, mushed breadsticks and a slightly grubby toy to the shops just because I forgot bread and milk. Your time will come Op.

whynotwhatknot · 07/01/2025 20:24

yea its lovely but honestly we dont give a shit whether you buy it or not

MermaidEyes · 07/01/2025 20:25

Brefugee · 07/01/2025 20:03

when DH and i hear/see/encounter a tantrumming child we just fistbump and move on. We've done our time in the trenches and we're not unsympathetic.

DD21 and I had a good chuckle recently in a supermarket when we saw some poor woman with a toddler having a major meltdown because she wouldn't buy him some toy or other. I said to DD "that was you once" and she looked at me in horror 😂
Life definitely gets easier OP. They might still have the odd meltdown but it tends to not be in public because, you know, so embarrassing 😂

GreetingCeridwen · 07/01/2025 20:26

sommerjade · 07/01/2025 20:15

Do not judge childless colleagues who say they are tired.
They may be like me, on a shit ton of sedating psychiatric and anti epileptic drugs which cause severe fatigue.

You are lucky to have the choice to have children so put up with the inevitable tiredness.
I can't have a baby and have no choice but to take these awful meds that leave me feeling flat and sedated. But I still try to turn up to my job.

Oh I mean we've all known people who have a child and then think they have a monopoly on tiredness, haven't we? I don't think parents should be shamed for having a bit of a whinge about the tiredness - it must be a real pain in the ass. But yes, that does have to work both ways. I've got mental health conditions that zombify me at their worst, and I could teach the class on tiredness. But we don't know what anyone's got going on, not really. If we could all meet one another with kindness and solidarity rather than self-imposed martyrdom I think it would prevent a lot of unnecessary friction.

JimHalpertsWife · 07/01/2025 20:27

It's not the parents saying no to a screaming child I'd judge - its the ones that spend 90% of their time saying no only to give in at the end anyways. What a waste of everyone's time and tears. And it's why they keep going on.

Good on you saying no and staying firm.