Happy couple without kids in the supermarket

[Theworldhasgonebananas]

Shopping with Dd today, she’s going through a really intense stage of wanting something every time we’re out. I’ve told her there’s nothing else now, we’ve just had Christmas and a lot of treats etc. Dd kicked up a huge fuss, begging and crying.
30’s ish nice looking, smiley, relaxed couple looking at her with sympathy, woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up.
Noticing how fresh and relaxed and happy they were and in comparison how miserable, stressy I must have appeared.
I remember being like that, Dh and I were them. I remember us having conversations about how we seemed more positive and happier than our friends or people at work and we wondered what was wrong with everyone.
It was that they had kids 🙈😆 that was it.

Lighthearted..ish as adore my Dd obviously..but..wonder if these two will realise I wasn’t a mean mummy however many years down the row, if they decide to embark on the parenting journey.

@ObieJoyful nobody has said that, but to that couple she barely does matter.
You have dozens of interactions per day, most of which will leave your brain almost immediately- it doesn’t mean that the people you interact don’t have inherent worth.

I got what you were saying, you were being kind of tongue in cheek there but sometimes online not everyone gets the implied humour. Also we all judge people and have less than charitable thoughts at times. People on here will pull you up for anything in my experience.

@ellibelly7 people “got it”, they just thought it was a bit judgemental. It’s an online forum, the whole
point is to challenge each others viewpoint.

Don't worry op most sensible people I find are very sympathetic to whinging children in supermarkets.

I remember one momentous occasion when I was in Tesco and my dc were 5 and 2. My 2 year old had an absolute meltdown wanting to get out of the trolley, I didn't let him because he wouldn't walk and I couldn't carry him and push the trolley at the same time. After a couple of minutes of him screeching "let me out! let me out!" I abandoned the shop.

They are 9 and 6 now and I'm the one smiling in sympathy at those with screaming kids

@BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop Like I said people will jump on literally anything you say on here.

@BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop

Really? I'm autistic. Well fuck me no wonder this place makes me feel shit.

The point isn’t to challenge every viewpoint though, is it? It’s also to support, to empathise, to chat…

Why would you think just because a couple/person is childless, they don't know parenting is hard work?

I've known this since I was a child.
I had lots of cousins, then friends and family as I grew older, who had little ones.

Its not rocket science that little ones can be challenging.

Couple could have been another mum/dad judging your parenting or sympathising.

Could have been a childminder.

Could have been pregnant and knowing what to expect.

Could have miscarried/lost a child.

Literally anything,

But easier to jump to them being childless???

Me too. Especially as I suffer from ME. It makes my blood boil when arrogant parents think they are the only ones who have a right to say they are tired.

I’m sorry but being completely honest, looking back, I never was completely tired, not compared to now…that wasn’t tiredness and I never knew tiredness would be like it is being a parent.
I worked hard back then and many hours, but when I was home, I could switch off, have uninterrupted time to myself and sleep. I can lie around all weekend to catch up on tiredness if I wanted to. With kids, there’s just no rest, it never ends

@Theworldhasgonebananas I had to get up every night for years with my baby sister, alongside keeping the house tidy and school. I now have a debilitating illness where no amount of rest dents the bone-deep exhaustion. I promise you, the latter is worlds harder. Parents don't have a monopoly on tiredness. Not at all. I know of what I speak.

So sorry about that, I have ME and chronic kidney stones, I understand
Getting up with kids/making meals/babysitting is nowhere near the same though. With kids there is no switch off..ever. If you’re ill…tough, if you’re tired…tough

@Theworldhasgonebananas I don't think you're understanding the scale of what I was doing, but that's OK. It'll have to suffice to say that I have experienced both and chronic illness can certainly be far and away more exhausting. If it isn't for you, then my hearty congratulations, but to assume everyone is that lucky is a mistake, and frankly a little ableist.

@GreetingCeridwen stand by to be told that as well as tiredness you've never really known what love is either. 🙄

Oh I've heard them all, don't worry. I'm a bloody veteran where it comes to being patronised by a certain kind of parent. Fortunately most of the parents I'm actually friends with don't go in for the histrionics.

It is for me, extremely exhausting and more so with kids.

I can understand you were doing a lot, but they weren’t your children 24/7 for the rest of your life, there’s no off switch for that

But nevermind

@Theworldhasgonebananas Funny. My mother seemed to find her off switch just fine all the years I was raising her kid . . .

You also realise there are parents with easy kids, parents with help and parents who don't give their kids 100%.

Colleague's mum has her little ones twice a week overnight, she does switch off.

Have worked as a nanny where parents are away for two weeks a time, completely switched off with one or two check-in texts.

You might be tired and never switch off, it doesn't mean every single parent is the same.
Some cope better than others.

I've known people work 4 jobs to support their parents or siblings, trust me, they are tired.

Surviving on 4 hour sleep each night as a carer to a parent.

So many different situations where people are tired, parents or not.

Ex used to do a 8am - 5pm job, go for a nap and do 10pm - 5am. No idea how, but one thing for sure, he was always exhausted.

Not every child free person is doing 9-5 and putting their feet up.

Tiredness isn't reserved for parents only.

No histrionics here, all i’m saying is for me (don’t know if it’s all parents, maybe is just me 🤷🏻‍♀️) I never knew tiredness anything like until I had a child, that’s for me, personally. It was so tiring, it was a huge shock to the system and not what I expected and any tiredness I had before was not comparable. That/this is just my experience

Really sorry about that, totally wrong and unfair on you, majority are not like that or at least I hope not, so sorry x

I’m saying my experience

I was never truly tired before having my dc..I didn’t know what tiredness was, thought I did..,that was MY experience, that’s all

@Theworldhasgonebananas Thank you. It was a despicable burden to place on a young girl and I can't forgive her for it.

What I'm trying to make clear here is that it is the performance of the parental role that is the exhausting thing, and that I have personal experience of that that qualifies me to draw a comparison. It isn't the being a biological parent that's the crucial thing. Otherwise you'd have to argue that adoptive parents or stepparents etc can't relate to the exhaustion of parenting either, which would be a ludicrous suggestion I'm sure you'd agree.

I remember being like that, Dh and I were them. I remember us having conversations about how we seemed more positive and happier than our friends or people at work and we wondered what was wrong with everyone.
It was that they had kids 🙈😆 that was it.

Anyone who wasn't happy or positive had kids... that's what you said.

According to you, someone with a child, even if the child is easy and the parents are not stressed by parenthood, they're automatically more tired than any childless person. Even those with chronic illnesses.

Such a lazy stereotype!

"Lighthearted" is the same as
"I don't meant to offend, but.... "

I understand, but that was for a limited period, yes? Not forever and was it 24/7 7 days a week?

Adoptive parents and step parents can most certainly relate to it as they are parents