Happy couple without kids in the supermarket

[Theworldhasgonebananas]

Shopping with Dd today, she’s going through a really intense stage of wanting something every time we’re out. I’ve told her there’s nothing else now, we’ve just had Christmas and a lot of treats etc. Dd kicked up a huge fuss, begging and crying.
30’s ish nice looking, smiley, relaxed couple looking at her with sympathy, woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up.
Noticing how fresh and relaxed and happy they were and in comparison how miserable, stressy I must have appeared.
I remember being like that, Dh and I were them. I remember us having conversations about how we seemed more positive and happier than our friends or people at work and we wondered what was wrong with everyone.
It was that they had kids 🙈😆 that was it.

Lighthearted..ish as adore my Dd obviously..but..wonder if these two will realise I wasn’t a mean mummy however many years down the row, if they decide to embark on the parenting journey.

I remember a screaming and fussing baby on a train once. His mother's attempts to soothe him sounded so half hearted. Then I saw her. She looked beyond shattered. I tried to give her a friendly smile, I hope she saw it that way.

Her child must be sixteen now, and mine is one - never been much of a screamer thankfully so far!

I remember being in this stage with DP before kids and can honestly say I never looked at parents like this or thought I was more happy/chilled.
Never seemed to think the parents looked dishevelled or stressed or to be honest even gave it a second thought other than what a shame baby is crying

In the nicest way possible I don't think they even think about it or care. You are probably in the minority by being the one who used to judge before

I always do a sympathetic smile at kids kicking off in shops, mostly in a 'don't worry I'm not judging' way for the parents! And I have no children and don't want any. I'm sure they won't give it any other thought.

I thought OP was going to say they bought it for her DC as happened to me….
My DS has always “really really needed” and would be “so very very happy” if I just bought many random items on supermarket trips. I usually say no or steer him towards useful food items for making meals or treats at home. About a year or so ago, he was doing his best doey-eyed sales pitch on why he needed chocolate pop-tarts. This pitch had followed on from his jumping for joy in the shopping isle on spotting this very coveted item and telling me why he would be so so happy and grateful if we could just buy them today. I said no , he had already selected a treat item.
Knock me down with a feather… at the checkout a young man had purchased him a box and handed it to him. Didn’t know whether to be over joyed at the act of random kindness, or, embarrassed that he may of thought we were poor or I that was a mean mum. Or just laugh at DS ability to win over a stranger. My DS is definitely made to be in marketing, he sells a good story.

@ObieJoyful I know 🤷🏻‍♀️😂
It was supposed to be lighthearted, I think the majority of the ones who post so seriously must be taking the piss or just v odd people

We know they don't care?

Op is just sounding off

@sommerjade I’m very sorry, that must be really hard x

I didn’t say anything at all about work colleagues with no children not being tired or anything like that 🤷🏻‍♀️
We are lucky to have Dd, it took almost 10
years, lots of heartaches, miscarriages an emergency ectopic and procedures, we got there in the end and adore her, although life is not easy for us/her in many ways. We all have our problems in life

I tend to smile to the mum of the child in a supportive way, and internally think "thank fuck that's not me!".

I took my niece to the supermarket and she had a huge meltdown because I said no to the ride on thingy past the check outs. I just kept saying 'she's not mine...'

I usually go ahhh and laugh, trying to be in a supportive way but knowing me it probably comes off as judgmental! Trust I'm really thinking is: that's life kiddo!

I got the gist of your OP. It was a light-hearted reflective moment.

I'm childfree, not by choice, but care for young children in various capacities. So I've been on the receiving end of those reactions AND reacted in that way. It's interesting how people react.

Did you specifically ask them if they had children? Every now and again, DD spends a night with her grandparents or is at a club and we get to enjoy supermarket shopping without her. We probably also look happy and fresh-faced, thinking about a whole night of freedom and uninterrupted sleep. I'd absolutely stop and try to be a bit helpful if I saw a mother struggling with her child, because we've also been there many times.

I hear you, I was this happy couple with honestly no flipping clue about parenthood giving a snap judgment in such a situation.

Think how much we grow as people when we become parents though. It's like opening a door to a different world.

Those judgements from childless people don't touch me because they have no idea, not the foggiest and I clearly remember how that felt.

This sounds so familiar! My DD is regularly getting handed random items she's been coveting. A baby blanket for her dolly from a volunteer in a charity shop. A pack of stickers from a manager in The Works. A £1 coin from a stranger she's been telling her life story to. She also has different pitches for my husband and I. My husband is a collector, so she'll draw attention to the quality of the item and reference other items she has to indicate this one will complete the set. I'm more of a dreamer so she'll tell me that she has always wished for this item which I'm sure she has never seen or thought of before in her life (recently, it was 6 porcelain napkin rings in an antique shop). Maybe we should get them together and send them door-to-door with life insurance policies or double glazing, we could make a fortune.

Obviously the couple won't recollect that moment for eternity... But they just represented an image of the person op used to be!
But we can, and do, recall if we used to sail blithely along fresh as a daisy not recognising the realities of parenthood - if that was part of our old consciousness; and how that perspective changes so much once you are in that club.

So this incident was just a memory jog that cast op back to that time, and she was merely speculating whether those were the thoughts going through their head, in a wryly amused way.

Obviously they might have been thinking anything ,and likely had moved on before they even got to aisle 12.
Op doesn't need chiding as though she was thinking she was a serious mind reader.🙄

I recall managing to get out of the house with my baby who was very reflux-y ... Sometimes took a supreme effort and one memorable day every time I was ready to leave the house and put one foot out of the door I was vomited on, repeatedly, and it took me two hours to actually leave the house...
When I was in the shops I felt like I had a neon sign that everyone must be able to see flashing over my head saying 'deserves a bloody medal!'. I imagined everyone putting their shopping baskets down and giving me a round of applause...

In reality they didn't give a second glance (obvs) if they noticed me at all. 🤣 But if you can't entertain these thoughts silly though they are where's the fun? 😁

I understand! DH and I got the opportunity to wander around a supermarket child-free recently and it was heaven!! Pre-child me didn’t realise what she had! We practically skipped around the place with huge grins on our faces.

How do
you know they don’t have children?

🙄

Oh bloody hell, I don’t know for sure..!

Just seemed like they didn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel you. My 5 year old had an absolute meltdown in home bargains the other day over a £5 squishmallow and an older woman said to me “oh they’re only so little once, I’d buy it if she were mine”.

Absolutely not, it’s just been Christmas, she has squishmallows coming out of her ears, and I’m not caving into tantrums!

Oh my, I'm seeing a very bright future for this one. That's A grade pitching skills!!!
🤣🤣🤣

(But just in case anyone isn't sure, I don't think I can actually forecast the future).

My DH is also a collector (antiques) crikey. Are we (or the DC related 😆 😱)?
DS has held a few sales of his own, set up an odd jobs business in the holidays and drives a hard bargain at boot sales/antique fairs 😆

I totally get what you mean @Theworldhasgonebananas I often look at other people and wonder what their lives are like (whatever age/lifestyle) but.........
What is your aibu?

DD is only 4 so has little entrepreneurial experience at this point, and measures money in units of Beanie Boos. I am sure that when she can reliably understand the concept of money in pounds she will be similar!

Even at the age of 12 I still find the supermarket to be dangerous territory with children. I’ve learned to do the in and out and wiz through without getting stuck but they position the sweets and toys so perfectly! And these days they change the aisle every week. So if you are looking to go in and out, they’ve positioned all of the family favourites (aka junk for kids) right next to the essentials.