Page 6 | Happy couple without kids in the supermarket

Theworldhasgonebananas · 2025-01-07T19:38:40+00:00

Shopping with Dd today, she’s going through a really intense stage of wanting something every time we’re out. I’ve told her there’s nothing else now, we’ve just had Christmas and a lot of treats etc. Dd kicked up a huge fuss, begging and crying. 30’s ish nice looking, smiley, relaxed couple looking at her with sympathy, woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up. Noticing how fresh and relaxed and happy they were and in comparison how miserable, stressy I must have appeared. I remember being like that, Dh and I were them. I remember us having conversations about how we seemed more positive and happier than our friends or people at work and we wondered what was wrong with everyone. It was that they had kids 🙈😆 that was it. Lighthearted..ish as adore my Dd obviously..but..wonder if these two will realise I wasn’t a mean mummy however many years down the row, if they decide to embark on the parenting journey.

Original poster

Theworldhasgonebananas · 09/01/2025 21:06

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 09/01/2025 20:51

I remember being like that, Dh and I were them. I remember us having conversations about how we seemed more positive and happier than our friends or people at work and we wondered what was wrong with everyone.
It was that they had kids 🙈😆 that was it.

Anyone who wasn't happy or positive had kids... that's what you said.

According to you, someone with a child, even if the child is easy and the parents are not stressed by parenthood, they're automatically more tired than any childless person. Even those with chronic illnesses.

Such a lazy stereotype!

"Lighthearted" is the same as
"I don't meant to offend, but.... "

I didn’t say that at all though…

It’s getting a bit silly now.

The post wasn’t meant to offend people at all, the defensive and miserable vibes and jumping on posts to have an argument is just too much. If my post made you upset, I’m sorry, it wasn’t the intention at all

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EmpressaurusKitty · 09/01/2025 21:09

I know very well that I’d be stressed, unhappy and exhausted if I had kids.

That’s the main reason I didn’t have them. It doesn’t mean I’m not stressed, unhappy and exhausted at times but at least it eliminates one major potential cause of it.

GreetingCeridwen · 09/01/2025 21:12

@Theworldhasgonebananas Well no one has to perform childcare on a permanent basis, do they? With the possible exception of parents of children with very complex needs. I would also question the assertion that the typical parent is actively parenting 24/7, 7 days a week. Some are, no doubt, but I'm sure many of those having a right old whinge about how tired they are and how childfree people couldn't possibly understand have support, breaks, childcare etc.

I think I'm going to cut my losses here because it's becoming apparent that, for whatever reason, you are determined not to credit my right to make this comparison from the standpoint of experience. I can't make you believe what I'm saying or my account of my own experience, and honestly, in the grand scheme, it's really not that important that you do. I maintain my point, though - parents, however you define that term, do not have a monopoly on tiredness, or worthiness or love or compassion or anything else, and the suggestion that they do is, to my mind, a harmful and offensive one.

peppermintgreengrass · 09/01/2025 21:14

Theworldhasgonebananas · 09/01/2025 20:01

I’m sorry but being completely honest, looking back, I never was completely tired, not compared to now…that wasn’t tiredness and I never knew tiredness would be like it is being a parent.
I worked hard back then and many hours, but when I was home, I could switch off, have uninterrupted time to myself and sleep. I can lie around all weekend to catch up on tiredness if I wanted to. With kids, there’s just no rest, it never ends

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My point is that there are other reasons why people may not have uninterrupted time and sleep.

GreetingCeridwen · 09/01/2025 21:17

@Theworldhasgonebananas As an addendum, just a word to the wise, I know it's the internet but it's still not a great look to imply that someone is exaggerating when they disclose details of an abusive childhood. Bit gaslighty. You'll no doubt say that wasn't your intention, but it is certainly the impression that this exchange has left me with. Compassion rarely makes a situation worse.

Original poster

Theworldhasgonebananas · 09/01/2025 22:01

GreetingCeridwen · 09/01/2025 21:12

@Theworldhasgonebananas Well no one has to perform childcare on a permanent basis, do they? With the possible exception of parents of children with very complex needs. I would also question the assertion that the typical parent is actively parenting 24/7, 7 days a week. Some are, no doubt, but I'm sure many of those having a right old whinge about how tired they are and how childfree people couldn't possibly understand have support, breaks, childcare etc.

I think I'm going to cut my losses here because it's becoming apparent that, for whatever reason, you are determined not to credit my right to make this comparison from the standpoint of experience. I can't make you believe what I'm saying or my account of my own experience, and honestly, in the grand scheme, it's really not that important that you do. I maintain my point, though - parents, however you define that term, do not have a monopoly on tiredness, or worthiness or love or compassion or anything else, and the suggestion that they do is, to my mind, a harmful and offensive one.

Parenting is 24/7…forever, you may be lay down upstairs having an hour break whilst your dh looks after them…but it’s still there, the mental load, the worry, the being ‘On’ all the time. When they become older, it will lessen in lots of ways, but even my mum says she hasn’t really slept the same since and the worry never ends.
I’m not sure why you are so defensive and need to challenge what I’m saying or why you are taking it so personally, surely parents are allowed to say they are more tired now they have kids than they were without (if they are, they might not be) I personally am. This isn’t personal to you 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Original poster

Theworldhasgonebananas · 09/01/2025 22:04

GreetingCeridwen · 09/01/2025 21:12

@Theworldhasgonebananas Well no one has to perform childcare on a permanent basis, do they? With the possible exception of parents of children with very complex needs. I would also question the assertion that the typical parent is actively parenting 24/7, 7 days a week. Some are, no doubt, but I'm sure many of those having a right old whinge about how tired they are and how childfree people couldn't possibly understand have support, breaks, childcare etc.

I think I'm going to cut my losses here because it's becoming apparent that, for whatever reason, you are determined not to credit my right to make this comparison from the standpoint of experience. I can't make you believe what I'm saying or my account of my own experience, and honestly, in the grand scheme, it's really not that important that you do. I maintain my point, though - parents, however you define that term, do not have a monopoly on tiredness, or worthiness or love or compassion or anything else, and the suggestion that they do is, to my mind, a harmful and offensive one.

I never said anything about love or compassion or anything else 🤷🏻‍♀️I think you’re bringing your own experiences and defensiveness to this and that’s unfair that a parent isn’t allowed to say they never knew tiredness like that of when they had a child…I didn’t and I can express that as it can be really hard, ok?

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Original poster

Theworldhasgonebananas · 09/01/2025 22:08

GreetingCeridwen · 09/01/2025 21:17

@Theworldhasgonebananas As an addendum, just a word to the wise, I know it's the internet but it's still not a great look to imply that someone is exaggerating when they disclose details of an abusive childhood. Bit gaslighty. You'll no doubt say that wasn't your intention, but it is certainly the impression that this exchange has left me with. Compassion rarely makes a situation worse.

Wait…what? I never said anyone was exaggerating about an abusive childhood, your comments are totally uncalled for.
I made a lighthearted post and you’ve taken it defensively or personally or something, I don’t know. I haven’t not been compassionate about anything. Many of us have hard lives and hard pasts, me also.
I’m leaving this now, feels like i’m being attacked
Wish you well

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