Happy couple without kids in the supermarket

[Theworldhasgonebananas]

Shopping with Dd today, she’s going through a really intense stage of wanting something every time we’re out. I’ve told her there’s nothing else now, we’ve just had Christmas and a lot of treats etc. Dd kicked up a huge fuss, begging and crying.
30’s ish nice looking, smiley, relaxed couple looking at her with sympathy, woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up.
Noticing how fresh and relaxed and happy they were and in comparison how miserable, stressy I must have appeared.
I remember being like that, Dh and I were them. I remember us having conversations about how we seemed more positive and happier than our friends or people at work and we wondered what was wrong with everyone.
It was that they had kids 🙈😆 that was it.

Lighthearted..ish as adore my Dd obviously..but..wonder if these two will realise I wasn’t a mean mummy however many years down the row, if they decide to embark on the parenting journey.

You judged them as not having kids, whilst complaining about being judged....

if they decide to embark on the parenting journey.

Says a lot about you OP.

As an aside, there are lots of parents with kids who look happy and relaxed, as well as people who are happy working.

"Lighthearted" you say, but so judgemental whilst not wanting to be judged.

They probably feel sorry for you. All the parents I know seem miserable all the time and hate their children!

I'd think the mum is on a strict budget and her child is noisy and wonder why she doesn't do the groceries online instead.
But generally I was very judgy pre children.

The woman might might have been pregnant and the couple floating on baby clouds. It'll change once they have kids 😂

Noticing, looking at you with sympathy, woman getting a bit gooey eyed over young child, man trying to be the fixer and engaging with random child/trying to cheer her up.

This screams Couple With Children to me.

We don’t know this couple were childless. I’m childless and I don’t judge, I sympathise. It sounds like you are a lot more judgey about childless people than they are about you.

woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up

My DP and I could easily seen as the 'happy couple without kids in the supermarket'. I can 100% guarantee you that a) they weren't surprised you didn't buy your child a toy and b) if they were trying to cheer your child up, they were doing it because they wanted to help you by trying to distract her, not because they thought you were mean to her.

I can also assure you that - and I don't mean this in a horrible way - they forgot about you and your kid the moment they left the supermarket. I'm sure I probably see at least one kid screaming every time I go to a supermarket but honestly, I don't give a shit for more than about 30 seconds.

I dunno. DH and I had loads of money and nice clothes and went to parties and met loads of celebs due to his glamorous job at the time. y waist was 24 inches for years. And inside I felt utterly empty. I was desperate to have kids. The early years of raising DC were the saddest and hardest of my life as DS2 was seriously ill and no one helped and it took ages to diagnose. Family and friends who had all been walking distance moved hundreds of miles away and my parents showed no interest, We survived for years on 3 hours sleep a night. And yet... we came through it. Nothing in the word has ever mattered more to me than DC. The everyday family stuff we did is the best fun I've ever had. Watching them thrive due to our love and attention, seeing them live vibrant exciting lives as adults, with jobs and partners and friends and hobbies they adore - nothing beats that. No amount of size 8 designer clothes and peaceful supermarket runs would make up for it.

….or, alternatively, they could be out kicking up their heels several nights a week! Like I used to be…child free but old now!

They might have kids and be genuinely sympathetic to your situation - whenever DH and I are out alone without DD (rare!) I always feel a pang of recognition and empathy whenever I see a parent struggling with their kid, we've all been there.

I doubt we'd be mistaken for a child-free couple though - the years of child rearing are etched on our faces.

@KimberleyClark Yes, I have to say the sneering at people who are child free (not that we know this about the couple in OP's case anyway) is a bit wearing. One of the reasons I don't have children as an adult is that I was a parentified teenager who literally raised a child who wasn't even mine (I mean, strangers can't know that about me, but if this thread shows anything it's that not knowing is no barrier to wild speculation!). I'm not clueless in the least, nor do I exist outside of some magical sphere of knowledge and awareness that one can only enter if one has actually given birth. I do know, and sympathise enormously.

I get you @Theworldhasgonebananas

I love the times I get to shop without my daughter (also much wanted and 10 years plus of uvf loss etc) but when I get to pop to the shop for something alone it feels like a bit of a treat! The casual perusing of it even if it is just cheese aisle 😂😂😂

Maybe I need to get a life as it is not a treat as such or maybe I'm just easily pleased 🤷‍♀️

The "parenting journey" oh dear.

I would certainly not have stopped to coo over your ( in my eyes) exceptionallly ill behaved children in the supermarket.

The couple sound quite mad.

Hormones can drive people to make catastrophically unwise decisions.

Think with your head, not your ovaries, women.

But it’s true?

I totally get it and yes they just won't understand. My and DH were desperate for kids and struggled to conceive but we were very blind to the realities of parenthood and what it does to your mental health, your body and your relationship. Its so bloody hard going at times and I feel like my life and anything else I might have wanted out of it is so out of reach now, also the accelerated aging is very depressing, and they said having kids would "keep us young" as if!

I'm sure it didn't used to be so hard but I don't know what has changed to make it feel so difficult now society in general or our expectations of life and parenthood?

Ah yes, we infertile people are never allowed to be tired.

It's called smugness....

The way you used to be.

@peppermintgreengrass sorry if I offended you. We had infertility so had IVF, so I do understand, but the colleagues I am referring to are definitely childfree by choice.

When kids tantrum I smile. As in I understand and I don't want to look annoyed at the noise etc. I'm usually alone as my kids are older.

I sometimes think I hope hey don't think I'm laughing that it's them and not me.

They’re still allowed to be tired. Sorry but it really makes me see red when people assume only parents understand tiredness.

woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean

That's a lot of assumption. She probably doesn't give a shit. Why would she have these thoughts about a random child/parent in the supermarket?

I think the op was just having a giggle to herself that it could have been the situation.

These threads always disintegrate to outright bashing of childfree or childless people. I don’t have kids (only partially through choice) but it always surprises me when it surprises people that parenting is hard, it certainly looks hard from the outside.
Im another person who just doesn’t really think that couple would have given it much headspace

Is it though? I’ve had interactions that I’ve pondered on afterwards.

But my issue was the manner in which some people posted, as though the OP doesn’t matter.

Many people on this thread have said the same thing, they believe it to be true