Happy couple without kids in the supermarket

[Theworldhasgonebananas]

Shopping with Dd today, she’s going through a really intense stage of wanting something every time we’re out. I’ve told her there’s nothing else now, we’ve just had Christmas and a lot of treats etc. Dd kicked up a huge fuss, begging and crying.
30’s ish nice looking, smiley, relaxed couple looking at her with sympathy, woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up.
Noticing how fresh and relaxed and happy they were and in comparison how miserable, stressy I must have appeared.
I remember being like that, Dh and I were them. I remember us having conversations about how we seemed more positive and happier than our friends or people at work and we wondered what was wrong with everyone.
It was that they had kids 🙈😆 that was it.

Lighthearted..ish as adore my Dd obviously..but..wonder if these two will realise I wasn’t a mean mummy however many years down the row, if they decide to embark on the parenting journey.

No observer is thinking "just buy the toy to appease your child's tantrum." If anything, they're shooting you/her sympathetic glances to show they're not annoyed by her kicking off next to them in the supermarket.

I remember seeing a mum shout at her DC in a supermarket car park once and think she was really out of order (pre kids). This weekend I became that mum 🙈

My kids are older now and when we first started leaving them, we'd nip to a supermarket as part of our trip out (because we could) and literally SKIP round the gaff like young, carefree lovers with massive grins and the world at our feet. Shopping in a supermarket just hits different when you can literally just browse and shop. If we saw kids kicking off or frazzled parents, we'd flash them a sympathetic smile or an awwwww just because we 'knew'. But I always thought people would probably assume we were annoyingly young carefree lovers, and not time served haggered and drained old souls who were only radiating love and light because we'd escaped the little demons for only the 7th time in 14 years.

Why are people so utterly joyless on threads like these?

Ironic given how much joy the poster above you has shown, their post was full of joy!

I meant the posters who were telling the OP that she and her DD would not have registered in the couple’s day/minds. Just seemed unnecessary.

I agree- that post was lovely 😁.

In a few years you guys will be like that again! Our dc are (lovely) teenagers now and we are back to skipping around supermarkets being all loved up. Everything is a phase!

Really? Honestly most ppl don't get home and think about some random child they saw crying on the supermarket. They just don't.

woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up.

You have no idea what she was thinking, just because you think she looked awkward doesn't mean she was 'clearly' thinking you were being mean.

Yes, I certainly never gave strangers’ children a second thought, before or after I had DS. I certainly don’t have a mental category for ‘considering other people’s parenting’.

I’m childfree. I’d have glanced at you with horrified sympathy & forgotten all about it 5 minutes later.

Or they could be going home to tend to an elderly or unwell parent, sibling or spouse. You just don’t know.

FWIW OP, if ai saw a mum saying NO to a demanding, tantruming child, I would be applauding her, not judging. I would be judging the one who says ‘oh go on then’.

looking at her with sympathy, woman looking a bit awkward and surprised i’m not buying her the £10 toy she’s crying loudly for, clearly thinking i’m a bit mean and saying ‘Aww’ and her and her partner trying to smile and cheer her up.

You have made an awful lot of assumptions based on them saying ‘aww’ and smiling.

You're massively assuming and overthinking.

Also, perhaps their kids are late teens. Maybe they felt nostalgic. Maybe they were annoyed by her noise and quickly said aww to mask it.

Without a doubt they've forgotten all about it.

I think about my incidental day to day events a lot. They just pop in my head when I'm in the shower, washing up, tidying or trying to get to sleep ie when my mind wanders.
It might just be a passing thought e.g. I wonder where that coat was from, or it might lead me to think about things in my own life e.g. I wonder how I would have handled the crying child, or (on remembering the crying child) I must give so and so a call to see how they're getting on.

I don't think that's unusual.

No couple has ever, on finding themselves without their kids for an afternoon, chosen to spend that time at the supermarket!

OP was not judging childless colleagues who say they are tired.
She was not complaining about being tired.

I am sorry you need to take meds which make you feel so unwell.

@pumpkinpillow maybe a passing thought, yeah fair point but also not sure that the supermarket couple will be sat chatting about it now. It was a passing moment.

I’m afraid I’m guilty of doing the looking over smiling and saying “aww” thing sometimes when I see kids crying - it’s just bc I love little ones and it makes me nostalgic for when mine were little.

That’s when I’m in a good mood anyway, depending on the age/cuteness of the child I might just think “spoilt little brat’”! 😂

You have no idea what they were thinking.
They were trying to cheer her up/distract her from the toy. Sounds like they had empathy for your situation. And you judged them negatively.

I try to always assume good intentions from people I interact with. Sometimes things people say or do land slight wrong. In the majority of cases, it is not intended.

Oh god I’m reminded of the walk I took with DH and DD when she was about 4 months old. We went for a lovely long walk by the river and DD fell asleep in the pram so we stopped for a quick half at the pub before walking home. Tired but very happy.

As we walked back there was a couple with a toddler who was screaming his head off and lying on the towpath refusing to get up. We were trying to be very respectful and did nice non-commital vague smiles as we passed them. Thankfully I think it conveyed because they did them back and said ‘your turn next!’ with a sort of gallows humour.

I reminded DH of them about 18 months later when DD was doing the exact same thing at the exact same spot. I’ve since been the person saying ‘your turn next 😆’ to parents with newborns. And doubtless when in a few years we’ll see grumpy teens, then ours will be the grumpy teens, and so on..

Circle of life innit 😅

Yes!

IMO the sooner kids learn that they can’t have everything they want, when they want it, the better.

You don’t know what’s going on, maybe she can’t have kids or something maybe she went home and cried.

I try to always assume good intentions from people I interact with. Sometimes things people say or do land slight wrong. In the majority of cases, it is not intended.

Totally agree with this @Basketballhoop. Modern life doesn’t make it easy but I always try and remember that most people (most!) are nice non-cunts. We’re all just trying our best out here!

I don't have kids and if I was watching that situation I would have thought, good for you for not giving in to the tantrum. I definitely wouldn't have thought buy the £10 toy. Rewarding bad behaviour ensures more of it.