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Original poster

Husband booked a holiday without telling me first

171 replies

lizzybethx · 07/01/2025 18:57

I was meant to be going away with parents for a week this year. Husband doesn't want to go. Ends up telling me today he's already booked us a holiday the week prior for a couple days. In an area I don't even like and have sla**ed the area off loads of times. He said that going away with my parents for a week on holiday to somewhere that is a 4-hour drive is "too anxiety inducing", but he can proceed to book a holiday without my parents anyway? The place I was meant to be going to with my parents I have never gone to before. It's one of my parents' old roots. They were born there and grew up there until they were 19-20. I have relatives that live there. I wanted to visit a relatives grave to pay my respects. I have always wanted to go there. But it feels like my husband is guilt tripping me. If I tell him I would rather want to not go to this holiday he's booked, I know he will get mad and call me ungrateful. Now I feel I have to force myself to "enjoy" this holiday he's booked. What do I do?!

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 07/01/2025 18:58

You do what suits you since he has decided yo do the same unless you can go on both? If you can't and he knows this it is controlling behaviour and you never reward that kind of behaviour.

MuthaHubbard · 07/01/2025 19:00

I can't think of anywhere that would be so bad that I couldn't enjoy a few days away with my DH - we've been to some dives but made the most of it and had a laugh about it afterwards.
Why can't you do both?

Ablondiebutagoody · 07/01/2025 19:00

Go on the holiday with your parents. He knew that was planned so tough.

Ponderingwindow · 07/01/2025 19:01

So he doesn’t want to go away with your parents, but booked an additional weekend away for the two of you and you are angry?

ClarasSisters · 07/01/2025 19:01

If he's booked a few days the week before, why can't you do both?

DelicateSoundOfEchos · 07/01/2025 19:02

I don't understand why you can't do both?

JMSA · 07/01/2025 19:02

Didn't you tell him that he did not have to join you on the parent trip?

sunshineandshowers40 · 07/01/2025 19:03

Can you do both if they aren't at the same time?

Doggymummar · 07/01/2025 19:03

I don't see the problem 😕

Silvertulips · 07/01/2025 19:03

He’s doesn’t want to go with your parents. It’s sounds like he’d have a miserable time and yet you insist?

Time to try having a grown up conversation.

Dueanamechange2025 · 07/01/2025 19:04

Do you speak / spend any time together at all in your marriage? Sounds quite hard work. Holidays should be be fun and exciting for all parties.

Ilovethatbear · 07/01/2025 19:04

Can’t you go away with him and then you go with your parents after?

Why would your husband have to go on the holiday with your parents?

Gcsunnyside23 · 07/01/2025 19:05

Do both but if you can't go with your parents

Arlanymor · 07/01/2025 19:05

Do both if you have enough holiday allowance to cover it.

Ponoka7 · 07/01/2025 19:06

MuthaHubbard · 07/01/2025 19:00

I can't think of anywhere that would be so bad that I couldn't enjoy a few days away with my DH - we've been to some dives but made the most of it and had a laugh about it afterwards.
Why can't you do both?

Have you been to Marmaris's scummy areas? Or certain bits of Benidorm/Magaluf, Brits abroad who just want to drink, fight and shag?
OP you prioritise the trip with your parents. This is a massive red flag, how long have you been married?

Flossyflop · 07/01/2025 19:06

He shouldn’t have booked a holiday without telling you but he also shouldn’t have to go on holiday with your parents.

Tia86 · 07/01/2025 19:11

Can you not still go on holiday with your parents?

I agree that your husband shouldn't have booked a holiday without you agreeing - how would he know you can get those dates off work?

MuthaHubbard · 07/01/2025 19:14

Ponoka7 · 07/01/2025 19:06

Have you been to Marmaris's scummy areas? Or certain bits of Benidorm/Magaluf, Brits abroad who just want to drink, fight and shag?
OP you prioritise the trip with your parents. This is a massive red flag, how long have you been married?

Show quote history

Yep - been to Marmaris and Morocco which where both absolutely dire. Have also done Benners and Shagaluf - took in the scummy bits and the nice bits (Benidorm Old Town etc) 🤷🏼‍♀️

WhyDoesItAlways · 07/01/2025 19:15

Talking about visiting relatives graves etc sound more like it's you doing the guilt tripping? I don't think it's unreasonable for your husband not to want to go on a week long holiday with your parents and he should be allowed not to go.

He should have spoken about the trip he's booked with you before he booked it to make sure you can do both, but otherwise, I don't see the problem. Where could he possibly have booked that's worthy of a slagging off? The only places I would object to DP booking a holiday are places that are actually unsafe. Really, it sounds like you just don't want to go on holiday with him, and nothing he books would be good enough for you. If I were your husband I would be wondering why you seem to much rather holiday with your parents than me.

Foodoverload · 07/01/2025 19:24

My DP will not go on holiday with my family. He may do a weekend as long as we have some alone time. It’s not that he doesn’t like my family, he just finds them overwhelming and needs space which they don’t give.

I would rather him not snap or be grumpy, so he doesn’t come unless he really has to. I would rather not have to manage him.

my family love my DP and DP loves them and understand it’s not for him. He inherited my crazy family. He avoids his family get togethers. I don’t force him.

however I would love him to book time away for us. He booked our Egypt holiday which was a terrible hotel, but we laughed went with the flow and I appreciated the effort.

jackstini · 07/01/2025 19:28

Have you reminded him you have mentioned before you can't stand that place?!

Can it be changed for somewhere else?

Has he booked it as 'wants to spend a few days together' or 'sabotage your trip with parents'

I would do the holiday with your parents as it has meaning to you all but why would your DH have to go?

Hopefully you can do both but tweaked...

ObieJoyful · 07/01/2025 19:32

He’s telling that he wants to go away with you, but not with your parents.

Could you do both, then everyone is happy?

RawBloomers · 07/01/2025 19:44

There’s a lot going on in your post.

I would be annoyed with my partner booking a holiday without discussing it with me even if it was to somewhere I’d been raving about. To somewhere I’ve expressed dislike for several times would seem like a deliberate snub. I wouldn’t be grateful for that and I’d be telling him I thought it was mean not nice. At the why are you sceptical that he sees a holiday with your parents as more anxiety inducing than a holiday with just you? That seems pretty normal. Lots of people, probably most, would prefer a holiday not to include their in-laws. What’s the problem with you going with your parents without him?

Are you having other issues with your relationship? This seems like fairly basic stuff that just shouldn’t be happening if there’s a good foundation of mutual respect.

janfebmar87 · 07/01/2025 19:50

Why can't you do both holidays. Have I misunderstood. He's booked it the week before your parents holiday

fuuwan · 07/01/2025 20:18
  1. Why can't you do both?
  2. If he doesn't want to go on the holiday with your parents he can stay at home.
  3. If you can't do both, go on the one with your parents because that was booked first.
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