Leaving an 8yo home alone

[Polkadotbabushka]

My niece told me today that when her mum drops her dad to work and picks him up… so twice a day, they leave her at home. It’s a 15 minute journey if no traffic so half an hour twice a day.

She is quite immature for her age and is apparently left with the tablet to keep her company!

When I approached my DH about it he said he knew as his sister had already told him it’s just easier.

I just couldn’t do that. My son is a year younger and actually more mature than her but I wouldn’t dream of it.

what do others think?

Unless your dgs has additional needs I find this very strange

It is nit illegal. An 8 year old should be OK for 15 mins alone in the house.

Me neither. I wouldn't do it that regularly but my 8 year old will sometimes ask to stay home if I'm nipping to the shop for milk. Or picking a sibling up from after school club (I'd be gone about 10 minutes for both things)

Are you genuinely concerned the child is in danger, or do you just want to judge the parents.

If this is a genuine safeguarding concern, you need to talk to someone. The school or social services.
If you are happy its just a less than ideal situation, but the child is perfectly happy and safe... then let the parents parent their child.

That is ridiculous, a NT 8 year old not left unattended in another room. To me that's neglect, children need space away from adults to gain independence and coping skills.

An average 8 year old is likely to be ok with being left for half an hour. They should know what to do if there is a fire/not answer the door/go find a neighbour if the parents aren't home at an agreed time with no contact.

A 3 and 4 year old is definitely not capable which is why you should never leave them alone.

My eldest is 9 and doesn't want to get left alone yet, we gave it a go when he wasn't feeling very well but I still had to take his brother to school. He was on the phone to me panicking and crying so I rushed back and we haven't done it since. He knew what to do in the event of an emergency and didn't do anything he shouldn't but he was worried and scared.

He starts high school next year so he will need to be leaving after me and getting home before me whilst I take his brother to school. Over the next 18 months we need to start building up the time he's left alone and get him used to getting himself to and from school by himself.

Does the child have a phone though?
I might have missed this, but all I saw was they are left on a tablet.
We don't have a landline phone, just mobiles which my children don't have yet.

Surprised so many people think this is neglect. My 9 year stayed home for half an hour yesterday whilst I went to the shops. He was okay to stay otherwise he would have came.

If you can't leave a neurotypical 8 year old in a different room unattended then there are big issues aren't there. I think we would all go crazy if we had to all be in the same room all the time at 7 and 9! I don't even sit with them when they are in the bath now, they sort themselves out with their tablet and a drink, run the bath and spend ages in there relaxing. I'm still around and check on them periodically but I don't sit and supervise.

Those boys were three and four and living in a house full of rubbish. Completely different scenario.

I think eight is on the young side but not completely unacceptable - and certainly not illegal. It depends on the child and the surroundings.

Your 10 year old will be 11 in just a year and you aren't preparing him for him school?! This is not something to shout about in terms of your disapproval. You aren't any better than an irresponsible parent who leaves a kid home longer than they should.

At 10 you absolutely should be leaving for 15 mins and teaching independence unless there is an additional need. It's age appropriate. At 8 you should be able to leave a child in a different room.

Leaving an 8 year old for 30 minutes totally depends on the child and the area they live in. It's borderline. It's not something you should do regularly either. Some kids yes. Others absolutely not.

The key thing to start is, is the child ok with it - if the answer is no, then it's an absolute none starter. If you have a responsible kid, who knows what to do if something happened (either is capable of calling someone local or can go to a safe place locally) then I don't see the problem. But this isn't every 8 year old. It's something for between age 8 and 10 but when depends on the child.

By 11 children should be able to walk a good distance from home by themselves for high school. So I find it neglectful in its own way to not be preparing your child for this level of independence by then.

We seem to have forgotten the value of teaching independence. It's a skill we should recognise and work on developing.

The competitive 'i wouldn't dream of letting my child out of cotton wool' isn't cool or anymore healthy than leaving a child who isn't emotionally ready though. They should be emotionally ready by ten and if they aren't you should be asking the question why aren't they and developing that.

I would call social services this isn't ok

How does your niece feel about it? Is she happy to be left alone or does it make her feel scared or anxious? That is the important thing to consider, not her age.

My DS will have to be home alone at least some mornings starting next school year when he will be 7 as there's no breakfast club after this year. I leave for work at 7, his school day might start as late as 10 some mornings so potentially 2 and a half hours alone (depending on when his big sister goes to school and whether or not OH is working in the morning) though I'm hoping he will mostly start at 8 so he'll only be home alone half an hour. He is definitely not ready for it yet so I have to work on this with him because it wouldn't be acceptable to leave him if he felt scared (no idea what I'd do then though, so going to work hard on building up his confidence)

I very much doubt they would do anything at the age of 8 unless there was evidence to suggest that this particular 8 year old was in danger.

8yo dd is incredibly sensible and independent (gets her own breakfast in the mornings, feeds the cats etc). We leave her with her 14yo brother for anything between 15 mins and 4 hours (ensuring we stay local) but leaving her alone would be a no for us. However independent she is, she doesn't have a phone and has no means of contact with us.

He does have extra needs, he is autistic but that is not the point.
I'd rather be over cautious on my 'watch' than a recklessly negligent arsehole.

There are enough documented cases where children have been left alone, even for mintues, and catastrophe has occurred.

Don't bother trying to change my mind on this point, you won't.

Just because it's not obviously measurable as harm, doesn't mean that over protectiveness isnt harmful.

I do think it is different for kids with additional needs and they need longer to develop these skill but I also think these are the kids that need most help with independence building though.

You still need a plan / rough timescale plan to reach those target points.

I do think that there are definitely 8 year olds who are capable of 30 mins safely by themselves though and there are ways you can adequately safe guard even in that situation.

This represents both ends of the scale which are perfectly fine.

But it does concern me just how many kids who don't fall at either end who end up in situations where they aren't being equipped with essential life skills and this then becomes a problem later on when it really shouldn't. I do think that parental anxiety is impacting on kids and causing them to be more anxious than they should be.

I was an avid reader in that age, but felt sick when trying to read in the car. I hated car trips so much and would much prefer to be at home in such situation.

Talking about potential neglect - every 8 yo (without SEN) should know what to do if something goes wrong - having a way to contact neighbour/other relative, knowing not to open the door, and being able to leave the house in emergency. It is more neglectful to not teach the child than to leave them for a short time.

I think this is really important. What happens if you are in the house with them and have an accident / medical emergency in the house? In terms of risk this is as significant as having a car accident outside the house.

Do you have an Alexa? You can just tell that to" call mum" or whoever.
I know this after setting my mother's up for her so she could shout and phone us should she fall or need help and unable to use a phone

I can understand the outrage because it's a young age. But I also think it's unlikely there is a real threat of danger if the child is sensible and has outlets for unexpected situations like knowledge of using the phone and going to the neighbors, and how to get out of the house if a fire. I was furious when DH would leave ours alone around that age while I was on my way home from work and he just had to leave for the gym or whatever. I was definitely alone in the house at this age if my older sibling wasn't home. So I still wouldn't do it, but can understand parents making a calcuated decision. I wouldn't call social services.

I would love to be able to so was just talking about my own experience. I completely agree about cotton wool wrapping parenting holding development back. X

This is one of the reasons we still have an old fashioned landline.
But even if they don't have a landline as long as the kid knows what to do ie go to neighbours or somewhere safe should the parent be more than say an hour.

It's not illegal it's the parent's discretion as it's their choice whether they think it's ok for the child to be alone at home.

Well, you could rectify that. There are mobile phones that are smart phones out there.