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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving an 8yo home alone

198 replies

Polkadotbabushka · 05/01/2025 20:30

My niece told me today that when her mum drops her dad to work and picks him up… so twice a day, they leave her at home. It’s a 15 minute journey if no traffic so half an hour twice a day.

She is quite immature for her age and is apparently left with the tablet to keep her company!

When I approached my DH about it he said he knew as his sister had already told him it’s just easier.

I just couldn’t do that. My son is a year younger and actually more mature than her but I wouldn’t dream of it.

what do others think?

OP posts:
Peopleinmyphone · 05/01/2025 22:30

It's especially dangerous that it's the same time every day. If a bad person observed this routine they would know exactly when your niece is home alone every day.

Bearbookagainandagain · 05/01/2025 22:32

Caffeineneedednow · 05/01/2025 20:42

Nope, at 8 throw them in a car, on a tablet if needs be.

All that's in my head is those boys that died in the house fire in London because they were left alone.

Those kids were 3 and 4 years old!

SnugNightsss · 05/01/2025 22:33

theduchessofspork · 05/01/2025 20:44

It’s not illegal but half an hour twice a day is a lot.

I would find a way to check that your niece has a list of numbers to call if her parents aren’t back by X time, and that she knows not to answer the door and how to call emergency services.

I don’t think it’s necessarily neglect - some children might hate sitting in the car that long, and their parents might argue - assuming the child was sensible - they were better off playing at home, but if she’s just on her iPad (which isn’t optimal for an hour either) she may as well be in the car.

I think this is good advice. Is there a phone at home she can use. Does she know how. Not to answer the door or try to cook anything etc.

ueberlin2030 · 05/01/2025 22:34

8 is far too young to be left alone - what are they thinking?

LondonFox · 05/01/2025 22:34

What?
8 y old is perfectly capable of calling someone you agreed with her in case you are late.
Unless there is some kind of development issue I really do not see a problem for a child older than 7 to stay home alone for 30mins with tech we have today.
No wonder every generation is less capable to take care of themselves with all the helicopter parenting going around...

Fargo79 · 05/01/2025 22:34

The fact that there's no legal minimum age doesn't mean that it's fine to leave a child of any age unattended. It means that each case would be judged on an individual basis. I would think it highly unlikely that the police or SS would consider any 8 year old safe to be left alone like this.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 05/01/2025 22:37

StrawHatLuffy · 05/01/2025 20:45

Accidents happen.

Not just to the child, she might be totally fine .. but some nut hits the car her parents are in and they're now dead...
What happens to the kid?
How long till she's panicking? Would she know what to do? How long till someone thinks about her and helps her?

This sounds over the top perhaps.. but it's what would be going through my mind.

If we go down the road of freak accidents, what if someone burgles the house and kidnaps DD? What if one parent is home with the kids, slips in the shower and drowns? What if DD breaks a glass in the kitchen and severs an artery? These things are not likely to happen

Wordsmithery · 05/01/2025 22:39

I think it's piss poor parenting. Somehow worse because she's going off in a car as opposed to walking somewhere - there are more things that could go wrong and extend the time away (traffic jam, breakdown, accident). Plus anything could happen at home, child might get scared, feel unsafe, etc. Not illegal so there may not be much you can do.

Thatcastlethere · 05/01/2025 22:40

It's not illegal due to the age however it is illegal to place a child of any age in danger.. if you have reason to believe the child would not know what to do in an emergency... does not know how you phone for help or unlock the front door or how to tell emergency services their own address.. if you think the child wouldn't know not to try and cook or run taps etc etc then this is evidence of them being placed in danger and is something you can report to social services.
The age of the child is irrelevant, it's their ability to cope with the situation and keep themselves safe that is the important part. There is no legal age specified as the age a child can cope with being alone at home may vary massively.
If you think this child doesn't have the skills to keep them self safe in this situation ring social services abd report this.
You really should as that child is in danger. As you've said its fine if nothing happens but if anything wrre to happen what would that kid do?

Mychocolateoranges · 05/01/2025 22:45

I also think it depends on the child. I have a very sensible and trustworthy 8 year old. We have a shop opposite our house. I occasionally leave her alone to go grab milk or if I’ve forgotten an onion for the spag Bol or something. I’m there and back in less than 5 minutes. I take longer than that in the shower

She knows not to play with scissors, or try and cook something, or jump off tables or anything. She just watches tv on the sofa. She knows exactly where I am, to not answer the door, and to get out of the house in an emergency. She can tell the time and knows to get help if I’m not back in 15 minutes.

I’m comfortable with this and so is she. I wouldn’t be getting in a car and driving somewhere though, and wouldn’t go anywhere longer than 5 minutes

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/01/2025 22:47

Not acceptable at all. I’d be having very strong words with them.

butterfly0404 · 05/01/2025 22:52

My Grandson is 8, I couldn't imagine leaving him unattended in another room let alone on his own completely without an adult in the house. This is really worrying, I'd have to take some sort of action.

Wordsmithery · 05/01/2025 22:53

@WonderingAboutThus Personally I'd want to know exactly where my 8 year old was during school holidays. Eight year olds still need quite a bit of supervision. And sorry but sending a nine year old on a train to another country is bonkers. The capacity for things to go wrong is enormous - passport or ticket problems, long delays, language barriers. These are problems that most adults would find challenging, let alone a child!

Candycane778 · 05/01/2025 23:03

Absolutely not ok
Far too young

BendingSpoons · 05/01/2025 23:04

butterfly0404 · 05/01/2025 22:52

My Grandson is 8, I couldn't imagine leaving him unattended in another room let alone on his own completely without an adult in the house. This is really worrying, I'd have to take some sort of action.

This (not leaving them in another room) is not typical for an 8yo! I have an 8 (nearly 9yo) who is very sensible. I have considered leaving her home once a week whilst I pick her brother up. I probably won't yet but I'm not horrified by the idea. Her friend does this once a week - he has an online club and his brother needs dropping to another club. She can walk home alone from Sept, which seems far riskier.

BendingSpoons · 05/01/2025 23:09

Fargo79 · 05/01/2025 22:34

The fact that there's no legal minimum age doesn't mean that it's fine to leave a child of any age unattended. It means that each case would be judged on an individual basis. I would think it highly unlikely that the police or SS would consider any 8 year old safe to be left alone like this.

I would think it highly unlikely SS would be interested, in the absence of any other reason why this 8yo is less safe than others e.g. developmental delay.

WonderingAboutThus · 05/01/2025 23:24

Wordsmithery · 05/01/2025 22:53

@WonderingAboutThus Personally I'd want to know exactly where my 8 year old was during school holidays. Eight year olds still need quite a bit of supervision. And sorry but sending a nine year old on a train to another country is bonkers. The capacity for things to go wrong is enormous - passport or ticket problems, long delays, language barriers. These are problems that most adults would find challenging, let alone a child!

Re taking the train and things going wrong: they did go wrong. I had a change-over, and the international train (really just cross-border one and a half hours) I was supposed to take was cancelled. I took the next one. I was confused because it hadn't occured to me that my seat reservation was no longer valid and there was someone in "my" seat. But I was polite to the man and he was polite back and explained it to me. I went and got myself another place. I remember this because I felt quite smug at having managed the situation >< . Certainly don't remember being unsafe or traumatized. And realistically, someone would have helped me if I had needed it. I would have known to ask.

But yes, know your child. My kids are quite different from each other and so they get quite different types of freedoms, as they can handle them.

ElvenPowers · 05/01/2025 23:38

My 8 year old at home can say 'OK Google call mum", doesn't even have to dial a number. I wouldn't as a general rule "arrange" to leave her for a half hour each day to go somewhere by car, but if it happens occasionally it's fine. She is also autistic which, in her case, with some very high cognitive skills, makes her more safe and predictable. She would be on her iPad and would call me instantly if anything happened.

I have left both my kids from 7 onwards to go to the corner shop (visible from house, walking). I let my son go to the shop himself (with me ready to follow him if he took more than 2 mins) from 9/10. He was very sensible. Current 8 year old DD won't be quite ready to do that next year I expect.

DS is now 11 and today I left him at home chilling alone for about an hour while DD and I went to Lidl. Saw no issue with it, he's allowed to walk home from school, (though he doesn't).

How do children get ready for hour-long bus or tube journeys solo at 11 without a bit of practice in developing resourcefulness?

despairnow · 05/01/2025 23:41

butterfly0404 · 05/01/2025 22:52

My Grandson is 8, I couldn't imagine leaving him unattended in another room let alone on his own completely without an adult in the house. This is really worrying, I'd have to take some sort of action.

I think that's a bit OTT unless additional needs ' unattended in another room' - what like in his room, in the kitchen having breakfast, watching tv or playing in the lounge- why on earth not??

Deeperthantheocean · 05/01/2025 23:45

No way, DC is 10 and I wouldn't do this! Xx

Ohthatsabitshit · 05/01/2025 23:53

I would think it highly unlikely that the police or SS would consider any 8 year old safe to be left alone like this.
I would think the exact opposite.

TunipTheVegimal24 · 05/01/2025 23:55

Depends on the child.

I was occasionally left alone for short periods at that age, with instructions to not open the door / use the oven etc. I also knew to dial 999 in an emergency, which I never needed to do.

Mainly I snuck biscuits from the tin, and watched Supermarket Sweep, which was fine.

Obviously it would be different if the child couldn't be trusted to sit still for half an hour, or had behavioural problems that lead them to being reckless / disobedient.

OnlyMothersInTheBuilding · 06/01/2025 00:07

Thatcastlethere · 05/01/2025 22:40

It's not illegal due to the age however it is illegal to place a child of any age in danger.. if you have reason to believe the child would not know what to do in an emergency... does not know how you phone for help or unlock the front door or how to tell emergency services their own address.. if you think the child wouldn't know not to try and cook or run taps etc etc then this is evidence of them being placed in danger and is something you can report to social services.
The age of the child is irrelevant, it's their ability to cope with the situation and keep themselves safe that is the important part. There is no legal age specified as the age a child can cope with being alone at home may vary massively.
If you think this child doesn't have the skills to keep them self safe in this situation ring social services abd report this.
You really should as that child is in danger. As you've said its fine if nothing happens but if anything wrre to happen what would that kid do?

The thing is though, everything you list in the first paragraph I'd expect a typical 8 year old to be able to do.

whynotwhatknot · 06/01/2025 00:15

nono not after that fire that killedd those four kids just put her in thhe ar ffs

caringcarer · 06/01/2025 00:38

Gggglinda · 05/01/2025 20:33

This is really irresponsible. What if they had a car accident or something happened to significantly delay them? Or a fire started at home or the child took ill? She's far too young to be left alone everyday.

This is really worrying. Speak with the person leaving their DC home alone and point out all of the potential risks. If she still does it report her for neglect.