To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

Have a look at trading 212- high interest cash ISA but they also allow withdrawals. Easy application- photo ID and video. App based access.

And I meant to add OP you really need to stop the ‘I am à woman and know nothing about Finance or can’t work a simple online bank account’. It’s not a good look, demeaning to you and women generally. Educate yourself - loads of internet sites watch Martin what’s his name. If you want segregation and financial security and autonomy especially if considering separation then it’s on you.

Martin Lewis says PB's are a no no. Absolutely no investment in them and minimal chance of winning anything. ISA's are better.

Well if it is what he says it's simply not true and I have the data to prove it.

If you have the maximum bond allowance you will pretty much win something every month at the moment.

The question is what effective rate of return it gives you for your money, and whether you are prepared to sacrifice some of the interest you would normally get in a savings account on the (fairly remote) chance of winning big.

I’m not sure people would be as supportive if this were a guy with a track record for being lousy with money and wanted to keep it from his spouse…

I think you urgently need to seek an ongoing counselling relationship.
Your marriage sounds like a toxic situation where you are being belittled and coerced. Maybe you can live with that?

But, if it is becoming unbearable, you will need very good support and an expertly trained 'listening ear' to help you decide what it is that you need to do.

To responders with zero experience of DV&A:- it is FACT that the 'moment' when the abused partner actuates their escape is the most dangerous point in escaping the abuser.

So: it is important to lie one's escape plans deeply.

This can take months, or even years, of planning.

Example would be: taking a bag of clothes over to a friend under cover of a play-date.
You can fill in the rest.

Open another bank account in your name on line definitely
I made the mistake years ago of letting an now ex know I’d inherited quite a sum
got ripped off he even took my car when he cleared off, my mistake paying for it then letting him put it in his name.
don't be the fool I once was …be wise and keep quite.

Chase is not the best for interest but it is quite fast to open. I do not get any statement on the post, it's all done with the app, but the app shows notifications on the phone. You get a spending account and a saver account.
Not sure about your deadline though.

One very important thing is that you need to transfer the money at the best possible exchange rate. The best option I know of is Wise. A crap exchange rate can really eat into your money.

Moneysavingexpert is a reliable source for decent saving accounts and ISA.

I did this for years and we were married for 45 years before he died of cancer.

Just open up a Starling account, takes minutes using mobile and have the money transferred straight into the Starling account. No one, not even your H, can dictate what you do with your money, anything else is financial abuse.

But if the account is in your name he doesn’t have the right to access it without your permission. Change the login details and tell him he can no longer have access. Whilst I accept that you might be bad with money, that doesn’t give him the right to dictate how your inheritance is spent. Especially if your relationship is rocky right now. Protect yourself.

Our usual Mumsnet type of thread: seeks advice about some element of a relationship which immediately prompts a numerous experts to tell her to get the fuck out of her relationship IMMEDIATELY.

Just Google open online bank account with high interest. It’s really very simple. As others are saying, you could put it in an ISA too. Wealthify has an easy one you can manage online.

You are dead right to keep this money to yourself. I was given 70k by my parents which my then husband knew about. In the divorce he threatened to take his share of it if he had to pay back then 10k he owed my dad. Low life scum.

Starling or monzo, can be done in minutes. Then investigate the best saving option from there x

Just open a standard bank account for now so you can have the money transferred then move it into a better savings account/ISA once you’ve had chance to research?

All these people judging you for hiding money from your husband have clearly never needed to escape quickly from a sticky situation with a partner.

Best advice my aunt ever gave me at 18 was, “always have a s**t fund”. I have always felt mentally better knowing that should I need it I have some money to fall back on and use to get me out of a situation I’m not comfortable with.

My advice? Open an online, easy access account just so that you aren’t holding up the distribution of funds for everyone else and then take some time to do some investigating on what will be best to do with the money. An ISA is a good idea but if it’s over £20,000 then a little bit in Premium Bonds is also nice when you get a little win. If it’s a much larger amount a high street bank (not your current one) will be able to talk to you about your best investment options and wealth management.

We unfortunately still live in an unequal world where women continue to be shafted left, right and centre by society and having access to one’s own funds and having autonomy over that money is sensible.

Your relationship sounds abusive

Set up a new email address then use that to set up an online banking account like Chase. Do not mingle inhertitance.

To be honest, I’d use the money to hire a good solicitor and leave

You should be easily be able to set up and account with a high street bank online you.know, and be able to deposit within a few hours.

I told my ex about 2 lump sums I got ago, £8000 abd £11,500 and both got spent on credit card debts I didn't even know he had and bills. Never again! Keep it quiet.and keep it safe you're doing the right thing if you aren't sure about the relationship x

Wait a minute everyone who is advising OP to keep the inheritance secret. How would you respond to an OP who was complaining her DH hadn’t told her about an inheritance.
Thought so.
Why is it OK for a woman to keep money secret and not for a man to do the same?

inherited money is not a marital asset. Someone may have already pointed this out

This 👌

From what I read, he keeps his money secret from her and has a lot more to keep,secret. £6k is peanuts

I'd personally set up a new account, the app ones (like Monzo etc) are super easy and quick to open, and you're given a digital card immediately, while you wait for the physical card.