To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

You’re mistaken. We have separate finances and none of my husband’s accounts appear on my credit file and vice versa. The only connection was the joint mortgage and ironically both our credit ratings have fallen because we’ve paid it off.

Sorry that is not true, if he ran a cr4dit search,, it would show his accounts and any joint accounts but under GDPR they cannot reveal her holdings. Unless of course he lied and created an account in her name.

Do you need to see a lawyer about a divorce or are you sticking with him? If you plan on leaving then yes, you might need the £6k in time. I understand why you'd want to keep it to yourself if you're on the verge of separating, although I guess you will need to disclose all your financial affairs at that point.

@PrettyPines your post got hidden like mine because it mentioned c ry- pt0 (weird spelling to try to avoid triggering the censors). mn will release it once they reviewed it.

Go into your Monzo account, You'll see 'add money', 'card', and then 3 dots. Click the 3 dots. click on 'manage accounts'. Scroll down to account details and international account details (Your BIC and IBAN). That's all you need for international payments.

OP, can I ask if you had time off to look after your kids and if your maternity leave affected your career?

I'm married and me and my husband have a joint bank account but also our own accounts. We know exactly what each other has and we each pay into the joint account each month to cover, bills etc. He has always (until now) earnt a lot more than me. so say he earnt 70% of our joint income and me 30%, that is the split of the bills we paid into the joint bank account. So he would pay 70% and me 30%. However he has never told me he is supporting me, and ironically the roles have just reversed and now I pay more.

The fact he is telling you that you are not earning what you should do and that you are bad with money...are you, honestly? Or is it that you never have much money to juggle with due to your smaller income. I'm really struggling with the concept that he has all of this money squirreled away and you are struggling.

Is it because you don't budget properly or because you have little money to begin with? I'm sort of thinking it sounds a bit controlling.

And he is a bit cheeky expecting your parents to put money in to buy a house for you just because his parents could, not everyone has that sort of money.

Lots of people have said on here that if it was a man asking how to hide money from a woman, we would be up in arms but actually, how many married woman do we find on here that are kept short by there husbands and the advice they are always given is to start squirreling money away?

I think the OP mentioned things weren't good in her marriage so she is potentially wanting to do what us Mumsnetters frequently advise and wants an emergency fund. And to be blunt, if he has all these savings, why can't she?

The OP is sounding pretty switched on because if he is controlling her financially, then he will want that money off her and from the sounds of it, she may need it.

Whilst it's true that the OP should disclose all her accounts in the event of a divorce, it always takes a long time for the financial settlement to be agreed in divorce proceedings. The danger many women like the OP find themselves in is that they want to leave but they don't have access to large sums of money to find somewhere else to live or pay a family lawyer for proper legal advice. That's the value of having a running away fund your husband doesn't know about.

You are in a controlling relationship. Everything you have said indicates that to me, you are absolutely right to protect yourself. You seem fearful of him.
Are you sure it’s a good idea to move house? It’s unnerving that you are expected to be ‘grateful’ and that you have no idea how much you jointly own. Nor that he makes you feel less than for not earning as much as he expected 😑
Op you need to speak to your family and tell them the truth. This is no way to live.

Actually I think op she hide it. As if she does plan to use it as a run away fund its actually peanuts in the grand scheme of thingsm do people not realise how much a deposit and furniture would cost for a rental??? She said its under £6k she's receiving. But the sounds of it, in the event of a divorce ops husband will have managed to hide lost of the money anyway! So you keep it and save it@bananapalmtree

To understand if he is being fair or not

I’d be keen to know how much op earns and how much of that she pays towards the bills each month

I mean if he’s leaving her with barely anything each month I’d understand but if he is allowing her to keep her income and she’s got nothing to show for it then that is different - but it would depend on how much op has to spend on her luxuries

I agree.

At the very least, OP can use the 6k to consult a divorce lawyer.

@curious79 20% return?! Really?! Doubtful without it having a very high level of risk which isnt what the OP is looking for.

To everyone saying this isn’t fair and if this was a man hiding money etc., you only have a point if it is an equal relationship in terms of both power and finances. This is clearly not the case here. I think it’s really harmful to be criticising this woman for wanting to keep control of her inheritance so that she can some very small savings, especially as it seems this is her only way of getting savings. If she has to hide the fact she received an inheritance in order to keep it as savings, it is her husband who should be criticised. Bear in mind he has money of his own, can access her account but she can’t access his and has nothing of her own except for this money coming in.
OP definitely keep the money in case it’s ever needed and also learn to manage your accounts (transfer money, set up direct debits etc) so you don’t need to rely on your husband to do it for you. He’s making you financially dependent on him in so many ways and this will make it difficult for you if the relationship ever breaks down

If the roles were reversed , would you be happy if dh did not tell you about an inheritance and just put the money in his own bank account. If the answer is yes then fine. But if you would be furious about him hiding inheritance money, then you shouldn’t do it either.

Despite the fact he has tens of thousands undisclosed? Are you for real?

@blueshoes

It will be the job of OP’s solicitor in due course to get the information needed to advise- and that includes pushing back on disclosure if OP considers her husband’s disclosure to be partial.

But the point I’m making is that the asset would have to be disclosed and taken into account (even if not ultimately included in the pot that is split)- you can’t just hide your personal financial position.

As other poster’s have said, the money could well have been used on lawyer’s fees (although I’d hope not that much by the time it gets to disclosure) and other exit related expenses.

Ultimately we’re saying the same thing though in relation to the current situation- put the money in a separate personal account.

Ahhhh okay thank you for correcting me. Really that’s madness isn’t it

Well surely the answer to this problem is to communicate with her husband about financial transparency on both sides. Two wrongs don’t make a right and a marriage where both parties are concealing things like this from each other is one that’s in trouble. Who wants to live like that.

I would be actively working on making it more than 6k and when you have finally had enough make sure you use a financial private investigator. The hidden 20k is probably the tip of the iceberg.

Plenty of people on here will be able to suggest decent high interest savings accounts. You don’t need to tell your DH for that reason unless you want to. YBS had a good one last time I looked.

Have you actually read the op?? This is a woman in a controlling relationship, she has no savings and no access to any money whatsoever! You are asking this very same person who lives in fear of her dh to give up the only safety net she may have to actually leave this b*?

She has two dependents and a job that doesn’t pay well, she is uniquely vulnerable and you are spouting nonsense like two wrongs don’t make a right?’ Get a bloody grip. You clearly have no idea whatsoever of what an abusive, degrading relationship can do to a person.

Op needs a safety net to be able to leave, or would you have her stay in this situation indefinitely? With no way out?

@bananapalmtree you can accept international transfers into a Monzo account.

Yea but she has said herself she is terrible with money and has ADHD. So what is her husband supposed to do let her blow all the money for fear of appearing controlling. Sounds like the guy can’t win. She works part time- could up her hours to increase her income, he has even said he’s disappointed she doesn’t contribute more so he isn’t preventing her doing this. She has chosen to work part time and blow her money so she doesn’t have savings. He has provided her with security and a comfortable life.
if the issue was she wanted to leave then yes absolutely use this money, but she doesn’t want to leave- they are buying another home together, she said ‘IF’ she decided to leave.

But the point I’m making is that the asset would have to be disclosed and taken into account (even if not ultimately included in the pot that is split)- you can’t just hide your personal financial position.

Yes, we are agreeing.

I wish to clarify the above statement you made. I have not said for the OP to hide her inheritance if it came up for disclosure in divorce proceedings. However, she should keep quiet about it now. I am confident that is not a crime as divorce proceedings are not on the horizon yet.

So long as the OP keeps the inheritance in a separate account in her name and separate from the family, the inheritance will stand a much better chance of staying out of the marital pot of assets on a divorce, if and when that happens, when she discloses it.