To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

Reading some of these replies...

Some posters have read the OP totally twisted it to suit their own minds and based answers on what in some cases bares no relevance to OP post.

I agree. Imagine if a man came on here saying this. He'd be crucified.

Open a starling account and then do some research on savings and investments. Get proper financial advice and if you are having to hide money - maybe your telationship is controlling or coercive? Speak to women’s Aid.

Well either way I think you have a good variation of opinions OP. I wish you luck which ever path you take :)

I agree.

It’s one thing if OP was worried he’d take it off her but he’d literally just want her to put it into the house that he and his parents are buying for her (and that she’d get half of in a divorce).

Contributing to the purchase of a home that you will benefit from is hardly a big ask, especially when he (and his family) have paid all of the other bills for years.

But yes I’m sure a man would be given the exact same advice on here as OP.
Do not give any money to your wife to buy the house you’re going to live in, instead hide the savings and expect your wife to pay for it all.

There’s a lot of suspicious threads today.

If I found out my DH had opened a secret account with thousands of pounds in it our marriage would be over. And I would take him for half of it

Its inheritance he can’t touch it.

Not getting into the ethics of the whole thing, only the practicalities:

Most online savings accounts can be set up in minutes.

If you don't go for any overdraft or any credit facilities, some current accounts don't require full credit checks, and can also be set up in minutes.

Look at www.moneysavingexpert.com for the current best options for savings accounts and cash ISAs, pick what meets your needs from there.

The number of people replying on this thread who have apparently missed that OP's husband is hiding his crypto thousands from her doesn't give me much hope for the human race.

My previous reply has been automatically hidden by MNHQ. All I've said was that OP's husband is hiding cash from her and how the hell are posters missing this.

In English law you do NOT have to disclose all assets to your spouse. The Imerman case said couples can agree what disclosure they want eg everything open or everything hidden. However it changes entirely if you ever divorce in which case disclosure is required.

I would probably just put it in Premium Bonds, I don't think they show up on a credit report.

Living in fear, abusive and degrading relationship. None of that was said by the op,
your making stuff up.

She already said that her husband told her many times that she is useless and won't be able to live without him. If that's not a clear indication of abuse, I don't know what is... You simply don't say things like that in a healthy marriage.

You can open an account with one of the new fintech banks with an app on your phone - such as Revolut, for example.

I think you need to take a photo of yourself holding up your passport, or other photo ID, as part of the setup.

You should be able to get an account IBAN very quickly and then that's somewhere the money can be sent to. You can then open a savings account within the app, and move the money instantly into that.

You're making crap up too. He never called her useless. He said she wouldn't be able to have the life she does without him. Which is true. She says so herself. He is the one who funds their lifestyle. You're right about them not having a healthy marriage, though. He sounds completely fed up with having to carry the financial load because the OP doesn't earn much and is terrible with money.

"He does get angry with me that I've not been able to contribute more financially because I don't make as a high a salary as he expected I would and would like me to make. I feel like he views himself as my saviour. He's said I'd be nothing without him before and couldn't live the life I do without him."
Furthermore OP said that he is not willing to adjust his lifestyle to match her contribution.
My former partner earned many times more than I did. We contributed proportionally to our salaries. Never once he hinted that he was expecting me to earn more or got angry about my salary. He has expensive tastes but if there was something I couldn't afford, I was quite comfortable in telling him that and he had a choice of paying for it or going without. It would be unthinkable for him to say that I am nothing without him just because he was a higher earner. I am very comfortable now we split living the lifestyle I can afford. He still hasn't adjusted his spending to account for the loss of my contribution and is regularly dipping into his savings. So which one of us is actually better with money at the end?

You said her "husband told her many times that she is useless and won't be able to live without him". Nothing you have said here backs that up. I said he said that she couldn't live the life she does without him. You didn't highlight that bit for some reason. You couldn't live your former lifestyle without your former partner either. That's just the reality of having mismatched incomes. Clearly there is more of a backstory with the OP. Presumably, your former partner knew your earning potential. It doesn't sound like the OP's husband was aware of how bad she was going to be with money or how she wouldn't progress in a career. It doesn't sound like he knowingly agreed to take on the financial burden.

So which one of us is actually better with money at the end? The one who isn't terrible with money and knows about finances.

For those saying he is ‘hiding money too’
OP WROTE

”And of course if my DH hid money from me I'd be annoyed. But the fact is I have no idea what his finances are like, how much savings he may have etc. Only he has access to his accounts and I have no idea how much is in them or how many there might be. I do know he's got between £15k-£20k in various crypto accounts because he was looking at them on his phone and I was watching him when he didn't think I was. (he knows I know he's got money in crypto but no idea how much. At first I thought it was a few £k, but certainly not what he's got”

she said she doesn’t know what he has- not that he’s hiding anything- she hasn’t shown any interest in the family money and has let him provide for her so why on earth would he divulge he has thousands saved when she has form for blowing money?

the amount of people on this thread blatantly trying to read between the lines and make things up is astonishing. OP is being selfish and is in the wrong it’s as simple as that. She is taking the piss out of her husband.

That's what I'd do. I have one with the Halifax and it's all online - you can opt for no paper statements. It's tax free.

If the OP knows he's hiding it he's hardly hiding it from her.

I opened a Chase account easily. They ask for a video of you saying your name and a photo of ID like a driving licence and it got approved and opened the same or next day. Once it's in there you can open a more traditional high street account of you prefer and transfer it.

Moneybox app, they offer decent rates for savings and ISA’s. If he has access to your phone tho he will see the app. Can you not just explain to him that you’ve inherited a small amount and you’re putting it away in savings, end of conversation 🤷🏻‍♀️

No. I know of too many women who have trusted their husbands/partners with their money and then been surprised when they are in effect robbed.

This - it’s so easy to set up a starling account and then think about which Isa etc in slower timr

Why should you not have your own nest egg it's not your husbands business.
You are still you you are still an individual I was with someone like this many many years ago always have something to fall back on .
Use a completely different bank Barclays any on the High street if your not good online .
Take ID with you and as them to text you to collect the card from the branch no needs to worry about husband seeing anything .