To not tell DH about inheritance? Advice needed.

[bananapalmtree]

NC for this. I've inherited a small amount of money. It needs to be deposited into a bank account in my name. DH and I have separate accounts, although he occasionally asks for access to my account if we need to set up transfers etc. I'm not great with money or banking, so this has been fine previously although I've tried to stop and take control of it all over the past 6 months.

Our relationship is a bit rocky. I've never been great with money and have no savings to fall back on if things went wrong.

I'd like to keep the money I'm inheriting in a separate account and get it into a savings account for a rainy day / future use. But I'm worried if I tell DH about it he will dictate how I use it - it would likely be used towards a down payment on a future house or home improvements. Which normally would be fine, however for the reasons I've mentioned above I'd prefer to have it in savings.

My options are:

1. Open a bank account in my name -

Preferably online as I'm unlikely to be able to get to a branch in the next few days. I don’t know anything about the various high street banks and types of accounts, so not sure which one would be best.

1. Have the money transferred into my own current bank account. But there’s a chance he could see that transaction if he asks to log in one day.

Both options 1&2 could come back to bite me in the ass if he ever finds out that I didn’t tell him.

1. Tell DH about the money and get his advice (he’s really quite good and informed with money stuff and transfers). He also knows the best high interest savings accounts to invest money in so that they make a decent profit in on interest.

I could also combine options 2 & 3. But I'd obviously need to tell him about it. And it will look really bad on me that I’ve not told him about the money. There also may be a chance that he insists I use it to put towards a down payment for a new house or to use for future works on a new house. But I want to set it aside in savings and forget about it until I really need it one day.

I need to sort this out in the next couple of days (Wed really) as I'm holding up the other beneficiaries from accessing their portion of the inheritance because they need to pay mine out first.

AIBU not telling DH about the money? If not, can anyone recommend the best high street bank to open an account with easily online, and how I can ensure he doesn't find out about it?

Will this money impact my tax records in any way? It will just be transferred to me (from overseas), it is so minimal it won’t be subject to any type of U.K. inheritance taxes.

It's not that simple.
If it was, my DM would have left my father. As it was, she stuck it out until she died. Having grown up with a coercive parent, it took me years to distance myself from my father, and more years to understand what had been going on

If it goes into a separate account, she has time to consider what she wants to do and to seek advice. Her first step to understand that the relationship she is in is deeply flawed. Her second is to decide to get out.

You're just making stuff up. No access to any money whatsoever? She has her own bank account that she gets paid into. She says herself that she is terrible with money. People who are terrible with money don't tend to be good savers. How do you know she's not a frivolous spender who can't contribute to chilren's activities or other things because she's skint due to her own actions. Of course she wants to avoid him nagging at her. Who wouldn't? That doesn't mean she is scared of him. If you've ever been in a relationship with someone like that you will understand why he gets frustrated at her wasting/not having any money. How do you know she just doesn't know what savings he has because she doesn't take any interest? She knows he has savings and crypto accounts, so he's not actually hiding that from her. Him and his parents have contributed so much to their home which she benefits from now and will in a divorce.

Unless she drip feeds something later, there is nothing here that says she is some poor abused woman rather than just someone bad with money who resents being held accountable for stupid spending by the person carrying the load.

.

It is well known that mothers in particular take the financial and professional hit to care for young children. It is not at all surprising that op is another example of a woman losing out.
It’s hard to imagine how op would ever leave without any savings and she has said very clearly she is AFRAID of her dh and his anger. A loving dh would never be angry if their wife felt so vulnerable as to need a runaway fund, decent men would understand (and the fund would never be needed)

This!

Op said she was afraid of her dh, no other proof/evidence/explanation is required. No one should ever live in fear.

But he hasn’t said she needs to take a financial hit has he? He’s encouraged her to work she doesn’t want to work full time.
could it not just be that in this particular case the man has been taken the piss out of?
I absolutely agree if he’s abusive she needs to leave. But in my opinion that’s not how it’s reading. OP wants the best of both worlds it would seem

I too would be afraid if my husband had given me a comfy life and then found out I’d hidden thousands from him 🤣

As should a man who receives a inheritance in the course of his marriage, his 'running away' money.

😂 okay then…

There is no legal obligation to tell a husband what money you have in England. There is a duty for spouses to support each other. On a divorce there is a duty to tell the other about all money so it would not be kept secret at that point and goes into the marital pot to divide no matter in whose name it is. it would be unusual not to notify a spouse. i think the death was abroad and money is coming from abroad so there may be all kinds of checks done to verify the recipient and the husband might come across post relating to that or visit to UK solicitor to verify identity. it may not be as simple as the money is transferred from abroad into the new account. Also interest on the amount might if over the threshold have to go on a tax return and the husband might see it then but I think the amount inherited is small so any interest on it if not in an ISA may fall under whatever is the relevant threshold (threshold depends on other earnings).

I would open the account with a big well known bank not any smaller newer one, just to be safe.

Where? Where does she say she is afraid of him? I read nothing about her being scared, but I read plenty about her not wanting to be told what to do with her money and that is why she wants to hide it.

The men are clearly taking over the thread. Op I hope you have the guidance and support you need. Please talk to someone in real life for further help.
You should never live in fear. Your relationship sounds unhealthy and toxic.

I am a woman for the record.

Ops words:

‘I can only imagine the rage that would ensue if he sees money in there’

Right? That doesn't say she is scared of him. That just says that he would be angry at her hiding money. She also says she would be annoyed at him if he did the same. That doesn't make her abusive or mean he is scared of her.

If my dh ‘flew into a rage’ with me even once our marriage would be over. This is not normal behaviour.

If I found out my DH had opened a secret account with thousands of pounds in it our marriage would be over. And I would take him for half of it.

Having a secret account would be considered to be hiding assets, and a judge will take a dim view of it.

A Judge would take into account the full picture.

Not in the case of an inheritance. They tend to be disregarded in divorce settlements if they’ve always been kept separate

My marriage would be over if my husband thought it appropriate to hide thousands from me after I’d given him comfort for years!

It’s not about the guy “winning”. It’s about her having her own savings in case she ever needs it. If she tells her husband she will no longer have that money as he decides (rightly or wrongly we don’t know) what she does with her/ their money. If she loses this money to him she seems unlikely to be able to accrue savings again and get any kind of financial independence which will make it incredibly difficult for her to leave if she ever wants to. If he’s looked after her, not financially abused her (but it looks suspicious to me) then that’s great but doesn’t mean she isn’t entitled to her own inheritance or to leave him one day if she wants to.

OP is not hiding assets from a judge. This is not a divorce.

Her dh is the one hiding assets from her, in the crypto account etc. OP is not doing anything he is not already doing to her.

If OP's dh decides to divorce her for hiding her inheritance, he could not 'take her for half of it'. The inheritance does not automatically go into the marital pot for division in a divorce if the OP keeps it separate in her own name and not use it for joint/family expenses.

That’s exactly what OP’s husband is doing.

I agree.

OP, I believe you.