Should I hit 'send'?

[Journeyintomelody]

YABU - dont do it!!!
YANBU - do it

Context: I have a 10 month old DD. Father was abusive . I received support to leave when I was pregnant. He has not acknowledged birth and has not paid any child maintenance. His salary is £55,000 pa. He has approx £900,000 in assets (private pension, savings, and house). He has two children now at university who don't live with him. He has a financial advisor and is has legal connections (best buddies with a very good solicitor)
I am paying myself £500 a month to get through maternity leave excluding housing but including everything else (eg. Food, clothing, toiletries, cleaning supplies, everything for DD)

Message:
"It's been 10 months and child maintenance arrangements have yet to be agreed. Based on your salary and circumstances CMS estimates are:
£118.93 a week or £514.97 a month.

I suggest that an acceptable arrangement would be for you to set up a standing order for £500 per month into my account titled child maintenance.

If you do not pay an acceptable amount of child maintenance voluntarily, which is a legal requirement, I will contact CMS at the end of the month, who will take into account all taxable income and take the money directly from your salary. (Note this option comes with an additional 20% charge each month). "

To not drip feed: please don't say go straight to CMS. I have decided not to do this for several reasons which I won't go into now. My question is does this message sound ok? How should I initiate the discussion. We have had no contact for a year. He was told not to contact me by employer whilst he was under investigation for sexual misconduct. I believe this process has now concluded.

Thank you. I'm stressing out here!

What on earth? You have no idea...not even close.

Er...right back at you.

Because that's what you've said is the case.

Which has changed a couple of times already on the thread.

Good luck OP. The best karma you can create is by living an amazing life with your daughter. Prosper, be happy, be healthy, fly 💕

Stop.

Cms will.only undertake DNA testing if he denies paternity after their initial approach. If he refuses testing, they will.deem him to be the father. I think he meets costs of the test, but I could be wrong. Long time ago for me.

Just go to CMS. They are poor but the only alternative given the time that has elapsed. Also they backdate child support to the date of your application. Its always best to apply so they can take action for non payment even if you make an agreement between yourselves.

By the way, you can get a contact order if you are not on the birth certificate. Sadly I know this as a grandparent carer for two young boys.

Lol. You don't get to tell people when they can post or not.

OP is funding herself off a student loan. She's getting herself and by default, her baby into increasing debt when she's supposed to be on UC.

Her trying to claim that's not the case now, is not my issue. If it's not the case now, then she's given the wrong information, because it was the case an hour ago.

Are you always this rude to people? It is completely unnecessary. Please stop.

You find it rude because someone (plenty of people on this thread actually) are pointing out it's ridiculous to falsely fund yourself off a student loan and get yourself into debt.

It's not particularly relevant if you think it's "rude" to be told you're not "paying yourself" when you're categorically not paying yourself.

They are the facts of the matter. You being in denial or refusing to understand that doesn't make it any less of a fact and it is not rude to point out that it's ridiculous to get yourself voluntarily into more debt for absolutely no reason.

Why aren't you using the refund of fees to pay off your student loan debt? That's not the best idea to be using money that way round.

I’d actually argue it probably is the best way to be honest, or at least not a terrible one. If it is an actual student loan then repayments won’t start until earning above the threshold and even then could be as little as £10-20 a month.

That doesn't seem particularly rude to me, unless you've quoted the wrong person there - it's just a question?

From the outside, OP's decisions about her finances seem likely to get her in a mess. I hope she takes some real life advice about what she's doing.

Depends - if she withdrew early, she'd be expected to pay at least part of that year's loans back immediately.

Otherwise, yeah, no point paying it back until she's earning.

Isn't it a potential fraud? The money was a refund of fees for a course she didn't attend?

No no, I asked the same question. Just like you did. And about 20 other people have.

OP ignores every single one.

If you see, I repeated the exact same to which she declares it "rude".

She clearly doesn't like people have noticed this and can't answer why she's doing it. Calls you "rude" instead. Because if you look at everything I and everyone else have said, none of it is rude in the slightest. It's a ridiculous choice. But pointing that out makes none of us rude.

No because the loan still exists.

No it's not fraud. I did attend the course. The money was part of a settlement.

So was it a settlement, or was it a refund of tuition fees that you took out a student loan for?

You've said it's both things. And they are two very different things.

But you said

I got a refund off my tuition fees (after a long battle) and instead of paying back my student loan I am paying myself 500 a month + rent that will keep me going until DD is 14 months.

That's not a settlement?

And you say "instead of paying back my student loan" which reads as if you should be paying back your student loan?

Based on this comment, I'd not even acknowledge this man is my child's father!

I'd cut contact l, not ask for a penny, I wouldnt want this man in my life and certainty not in my child's life.

Do you really want to open this wasps nest of a mess??

What is wrong with you?