To think this Tesco worker was a bit OTT?

[Newfamilyhome]

Perhaps I've taken it the wrong way and he was trying to be helpful but it came across a bit condescending if I'm honest.

So, I've just popped into Tesco's for some oil for my car. For context, I top the oil up regularly (not a leak, the car just drinks the stuff) so I'm fully capable of doing it myself. I've messed around with cars for years and see it as a bit of a hobby. Anyway, went to the self scan and the man came over to take the tag off then asked me if the oil light had come on. I said yes and carried on scanning my shopping whilst he stood there and said "make sure you don't put it in whilst the engine is hot and under no circumstances do not put it in whilst the engine is on". I just nodded and said "yes thanks for your help". I was trying to be polite and hoped that he would take the hint that I didn't need any advice.

He then continued "Make sure you wait until the morning before you put it in otherwise the engine might overheat and you could crash into someone else killing them or yourself". I did start to get a bit irritated at this point and said "yes thank you, I top it up regularly so I know how to do it". His reply was "maybe you should ask your parents to do it for you". Not that it matters but I'm 30 years old!! He then asked me what car I had and told me to get rid of it immediately and buy something else 😂

I felt quite flustered by the end and just wanted to get out of the shop. I'm not sure why he felt the need to give me this unsolicited advice tbh, maybe because I'm a woman?

AIBU?

@shuggles

I take it you don't do very well on the employment aptitude tests that involve reading paragraphs and extracting the information?

Really odd how you and others defending this man keep resorting to personal insults.

Agreed that he was not the appropriate person to offer advice.

@PeppyGreenFinch Use your logic - why would that poster know this man’s employment history? So she can’t be ‘categoric’ about it.

Right.

That's my point.

But she wasn’t categoric. That’s my point. Because no one knows this man!

"No worries, I'm happy to wait til a member of staff is free who understands it and is able to explain it to me."

Yanbu 😄😄 what's wrong with him

He sounds like a joker, I wouldn't concern myself with it - typical man thinking a woman would appreciate his wisdom simply because he's a man 😄🙄 x

Did OP mention his age?
Is this comment ageism?

I have never really understood alot of the commentary around "man-splaining" either.
And also wonder if that means I'm not a proper feminist when I fail to get annoyed!
If this Tesco worker is NT and believes that women can't understand car engines, doesn't that just make him a bit of a dick? It feels like water off a duck's back to me. I couldn't hang onto it after walking out of the shop. If I know I know about car engines how could it get to me that another person is so ignorant?
Maybe I struggle to apply a feminist take on this because it gets to me so much more when well educated women patronisingly explain things to me. I'll wake /years/ later thinking, "Why did she think she had to simplistically explain supply side economics to me?" or whatever. And I think that's a me thing - I need to let it go, and take back my power from randos who make quick, negative judgements about my likely intelligence.

He sounds socially awkward.

The first part was an attempt to make conversation and be humourous. He sounds like he’s got a topic that he knows a bit about and has latched onto it as it’s something to talk about.

He probably sees himself as sharing information and advice, which to a socially awkward person is always good and helpful.

That said, he wouldn’t have carried on like that after the first part with a man.

Only on MN would it ever be suggested this man is an autistic secret mechanic moonlighting at Tesco.

IRL if your mate told you this story you’d probably just say “What an annoying bastard”

If you’re more irritated by women explaining things to you than men then I can see why you struggle to look at it from a feminist perspective.

I'm not irritated by women explaining things to me. If they're obviously better educated than me it leaves me feeling terribly insecure and worried that I strike other people as stupid.
Whereas man-splainers don't get under my skin in the same way.

I bought 2ls of water in Tesco to top up my windscreen wash and was told by a man to make sure I wasn't putting lemonade in by mistake 😂😂😂

We both mainly nod knowingly at each other, because surprise - we can see it!

Wa engine oil the only thing you bought?

if not, did he bother to tell (mansplain) how to use your other purchases?

loo roll perhaps?

OP must look very young if he advised her to get her parents to do it. He was just trying to save her from disaster. Better to be a bit annoying than disaster actually to occur.

Raise your bar!

that is my thought

My local Asda, Sains and Tesco all employ a large number of staff who are ND for this type of role.
They are 'happy to help' and really seem chuffed with the human interaction.

I am autistic and wouldn’t like to be spoken to this way at all if I was buying something in Tesco. It would cause me anxiety and make me feel bullied and belittled.

@ShesNotACowShesAFox ·
Funnily enough I have a female friend who is ASD and as many of us know ASD presents differently in women than it does in men. She says she feels she has to make SO many allowances for the ND men and the narrative in the community is the men should be treated differently but not the women.
Fuck that noise indeed

This is so true. Always about the men’s needs 🙄

Slight tangent but my FIL always attempts to guide me into parking spaces if he’s there despite me being a very competent driver. I have never seen a woman attempt to guide someone into a parking space.

I’ve had a lot of this tedious shit as a lone woman cyclist over the years. The men in my life never characterise it as well meaning, in fact they all tell me it’s an attempt to impress or somehow trying to feel superior.

As I’ve got older I’ve learned to give them one polite “I can manage, thank you”, before stopping what I’m doing and saying “I don’t need your help, go away”.

It helps to be a middle aged woman with angry eyebrows, this sort of ‘helpful’ pain in the arse seems to be particularly nervous of older women who say no.