To think this Tesco worker was a bit OTT?

[Newfamilyhome]

Perhaps I've taken it the wrong way and he was trying to be helpful but it came across a bit condescending if I'm honest.

So, I've just popped into Tesco's for some oil for my car. For context, I top the oil up regularly (not a leak, the car just drinks the stuff) so I'm fully capable of doing it myself. I've messed around with cars for years and see it as a bit of a hobby. Anyway, went to the self scan and the man came over to take the tag off then asked me if the oil light had come on. I said yes and carried on scanning my shopping whilst he stood there and said "make sure you don't put it in whilst the engine is hot and under no circumstances do not put it in whilst the engine is on". I just nodded and said "yes thanks for your help". I was trying to be polite and hoped that he would take the hint that I didn't need any advice.

He then continued "Make sure you wait until the morning before you put it in otherwise the engine might overheat and you could crash into someone else killing them or yourself". I did start to get a bit irritated at this point and said "yes thank you, I top it up regularly so I know how to do it". His reply was "maybe you should ask your parents to do it for you". Not that it matters but I'm 30 years old!! He then asked me what car I had and told me to get rid of it immediately and buy something else 😂

I felt quite flustered by the end and just wanted to get out of the shop. I'm not sure why he felt the need to give me this unsolicited advice tbh, maybe because I'm a woman?

AIBU?

No, not a Peugeot - OP's already said it's an Audi.

I’ve had similar at B&Q when asking for advice about which filler to use. ‘It’s quite complicated’, was the response I was given. I replied: ‘my husband is waiting in the car outside, should I fetch him so you can explain it to him?’, and walked off.

Perhaps not but still doesn’t take away that they were well-intentioned, perhaps he thought he was being chivalrous, not a reason to be annoyed with him from my standpoint.

Ah, missed that! Mines a guzzler too..

Ah! I have a Peugeot and usually carry oil in the boot as it's always asking me for a top-up!

If he was a mechanic he would have said it.

If a woman assumed a man was a subject matter expert every time he gave her unsolicited advice she can never react as she wants, because she always has to put his feelings above hers.

You and others have made this man who has told a woman that she needs to avoid killing herself and killing others a neurodiverse mechanic moonlighting at Tesco on the side with zero evidence.

Well intentioned but probably wouldn't have said it to a man... Is that because they have ill intentions towards another man or because he views women as a bit stupid, less capable and just generally lesser than men?

We'll never know but i don't accept it was just this altruistic act from a man who sees women as his equal.

Most of my son's friends work in non-car places alongside their college courses. Despite being Level 2 qualified and above (std level for a garage mechanic). Because the supermarkets and other retailers actually pay under-21s the minimum wage. Under-21 s in a garage are paid very low for their actual experience and qualifications. My son is only able to do his part-time job in a garage because he is highly subsidised by both myself and my ex, his father. The privilege he has is enormous. He has learned so much about this over the last few years hearing how his college friends have to work in non-related jobs to support their families. None of them are yet 21. They are all cracking mechanics, obsessed with cars. And would happily bore a stranger to tears over an oil change.

@PeppyGreenFinch If a woman assumed a man was a subject matter expert every time he gave her unsolicited advice she can never react as she wants, because she always has to put his feelings above hers.

I did not suggest that. I responded to a post which categorically stated that this man is not a mechanic. My response is that there is no evidence either way that he is a mechanic, or not a mechanic.

You and others have made this man who has told a woman that she needs to avoid killing herself and killing others a neurodiverse mechanic moonlighting at Tesco on the side with zero evidence.

I did not say this. I responded to a post which categorically stated that this man is not a mechanic. My response is that there is no evidence either way that he is a mechanic, or not a mechanic.

AA are useless, once upon a time, their tanker would come to empty your tank - now they order a private contractor.
They called https://www.fuelfixer.co.uk/ for me and the guy was brilliant - charged £200 to remove the £150 of petrol that a family member topped up to.
Oil and coolant can be dangerous to play with when the engine is hot - temperature gauge showing 0 on a hot day doesn't mean it's cold, it means the sensor isn't sitting in liquid.
Well worth putting the number for such a service in your phone, I think they're all franchise businesses with folks across the country.

Most people don't go to B&Q for botox though. 😂

No one has categorically stated this man is not a mechanic because no one knows this man! I’ve said that a mechanic is more likely to work in a garage than Tesco so it makes no sense for OP to treat this random man as an expert!

It’s you or others telling OP she needs to be kind because he might be a mechanic or ND!

I just wouldn’t assume he thought men were superior to women just because he tried to be helpful, I do think of myself as a feminist but wouldn’t be triggered by a man trying to help. Should we really see his behaviour as a threat towards equality? Maybe I am in the wrong here and should feel annoyed

Thank you, good tip! Will add that in.

Haha reminds me of my ex, who was significantly older than me (he was mid forties) and considered himself pretty knowledgeable about cars. He was topping the oil up in his flash car when the engine was hot and got really arsey with me when I pointed out that he shouldn’t be doing that. To the extent of googling it to prove his point, at which point he had egg on his face and realised he had been doing it wrong the entire time he’d been driving.

@PeppyGreenFinch No one has categorically stated this man is not a mechanic because no one knows this man!

Wrong again. Read the second comment:

"Essentially he is saying that even though he is not a mechanic and you have not asked his professional opinion about topping up car oil, he obviously must impart his wisdom because he is a man and you are merely a woman."

I’ve said that a mechanic is more likely to work in a garage than Tesco so it makes no sense for OP to treat this random man as an expert! It’s you or others telling OP she needs to be kind because he might be a mechanic or ND!

I never said OP should be kind.
I never said OP should treat this random man as an expert.

The only thing I did was respond to someone who definitively stated that he is not a mechanic, and this was only to inform them that they can't know that for sure.

Best to smile and ignore. It happens a lot tregardless of whether they're nd or not.

I had a grumpy breakdown guy mansplanning the battery was dead. No shit sherlock that's why you're here. This was after I had to point out he needed to let the bonnet down for it to rest on it's arm then pointed out where the negative point is as it's a battery that's only accessible to the positive terminal. He then tried to started a semi automatic in gear. He only shut up when I told him I had an electrical engineering degree. I have breakdown cover why would I risk jump starting a car and damaging the electrics when I have cover for it.

I took it straight to the garage and got a new battery fit the guy there was great but also told me it was a simple job. I laughed 😅 I'd watched a video on how to change the battery, remove the wiring loom and the air duct then the battery cover. Nah, let someone who does that for a living do it. He said let me have a look came back and said yep that's going to take a big longer. On my receipt, it stated they'd kindly checked my new tyres and there's 4mm left. Sure there is cars done 400 miles.

A typical man and his outlook on us female drivers. Yes sounds helpful at first then condescending!

This is nothing - was once asked at a diy store if I wanted to wait for my husband to choose a dustbin!!

She never said ‘This man is categorically not a mechanic’.

She made an assumption that a man working in Tesco who has not said he is a mechanic is a supermarket worker, not a mechanic. This is a reasonable assumption. The weirder flex is you thinking he’s a mechanic moonlighting at Tesco.

@PeppyGreenFinch She never said ‘This man is categorically not a mechanic’.

Yes she did. Read again.

Essentially he is saying that even though he is not a mechanic and you have not asked his professional opinion about topping up car oil, he obviously must impart his wisdom because he is a man and you are merely a woman.

The weirder flex is you thinking he’s a mechanic moonlighting at Tesco.

I did not say that. I said it's a possibility.

I take it you don't do very well on the employment aptitude tests that involve reading paragraphs and extracting the information?

😂
Well I hope you waited, I mean you don't want to overload that pretty little head of yours🤣

You said that she categorically stated he is not a mechanic, whereas her words are not so absolute.

She started her sentence with ‘essentially’ because she’s giving her view of the situation.

Use your logic - why would that poster know this man’s employment history? So she can’t be ‘categoric’ about it.

But why had he "tried to be helpful"? OP was just buying oil - she didn't ask him or anyone else under what conditions she should use it (she didn't need to).
If I need help with something and I can't find the answer online, I ask someone. Moreover, I identify the most appropriate person to ask that advice of. Equally, I'm more than happy to give advice to people who ask for it, if I'm qualified to do so, but giving unsolicited advice without checking if the recipient actually needs it, rarely goes down well.
In OP's position I would have been initially irritated, but only up until the point he warned me "the engine might overheat and you could crash into someone else killing them or yourself" if I didn't add the oil correctly - that's unnecessarily catastrophic advice and at that point I would have suspected he was on the spectrum.

You could have looked him in the eye coldly and said "Nah, if he won't fit in this one it's Plan B with the chainsaw."