To think this Tesco worker was a bit OTT?

[Newfamilyhome]

Perhaps I've taken it the wrong way and he was trying to be helpful but it came across a bit condescending if I'm honest.

So, I've just popped into Tesco's for some oil for my car. For context, I top the oil up regularly (not a leak, the car just drinks the stuff) so I'm fully capable of doing it myself. I've messed around with cars for years and see it as a bit of a hobby. Anyway, went to the self scan and the man came over to take the tag off then asked me if the oil light had come on. I said yes and carried on scanning my shopping whilst he stood there and said "make sure you don't put it in whilst the engine is hot and under no circumstances do not put it in whilst the engine is on". I just nodded and said "yes thanks for your help". I was trying to be polite and hoped that he would take the hint that I didn't need any advice.

He then continued "Make sure you wait until the morning before you put it in otherwise the engine might overheat and you could crash into someone else killing them or yourself". I did start to get a bit irritated at this point and said "yes thank you, I top it up regularly so I know how to do it". His reply was "maybe you should ask your parents to do it for you". Not that it matters but I'm 30 years old!! He then asked me what car I had and told me to get rid of it immediately and buy something else 😂

I felt quite flustered by the end and just wanted to get out of the shop. I'm not sure why he felt the need to give me this unsolicited advice tbh, maybe because I'm a woman?

AIBU?

@CurbsideProphet Essentially he is saying that even though he is not a mechanic

You don't know that. There was nothing in the original post to say that he isn't a mechanic.

Painful as it is (and I know will get flayed alive) but ND aside, some men really do think they are being helpful, even if it isn't needed.

Are you sure he wasn’t trying to chat you up. 🤣

No, a shop worker wouldn't do that to a customer.

OR maybe you could be a bit more tolerant and understanding of ND?
The OP has not said that has she?
You have made that assumption based on your own feelings.
Nobody on here knows if the man is ND and was trying to give advice (regardless of the recipient’s gender) not understanding social ‘norms’, or is NT and being a sexist pig.

People have just offered another take on the ‘mansplaining’ theory.

The OP has every right to be annoyed at being spoken down to by a man on the assumption that woman have no clue about cars.

However, on the flip side, if the OP cannot tolerate a ND person offering a little friendly (and unhelpful) advice, then that says more about her.

I think you can fully understand and support ND people but still appreciate how irritating it would be for the OP as a 30 year old woman to go into a supermarket to buy oil ( so not even somewhere pretending to have any professional knowledge, just literally selling a product) and to be lectured about how to use that product and told to ask your parents to help you...

My brother has a friend like this from his school days - from a family of high achievers but struggled at school and likely nd.

His 4 siblings are now all well off - doctors, lawyer, software developer - he has had a bad run of luck (bought in the boom had to sell in the recession and rents a room as he pays off the debts and can’t afford a new place). He works in a night security job but when you talk to him is an expert in everything - cars, computers, medicine, you name it. Someone can tell him they spent 7 years studying something and he will proceed to tell them how everything they learnt is wrong and he is the expert. It obviously stems from deep insecurity because his siblings all did so well and his parents are incredibly irritating boastful people who dominate every conversation about their kids achievements - I feel quite sorry for him but I also run a mile when I see him as I don’t want to be caught in an hour long lecture of his latest expertise.

I don’t assume people who behave oddly are ND. And I don’t think that being ND means you have to be treated differently or not be told that your behaviour isn’t acceptable to some people.

It's because you won't know the true level of oil cos some of it will be around the various parts of the engine that it's lubricating at that point.

Sounds like a whole family of probable autistic people who have little concept of social norms, fixate on special interest topics and work in very typical ND professions!

I topped up my oil today on the M4, while the engine was hot!
Like OP, I like to do basic maintenance myself.

I’ve topped up oil dozens of times in my life - on hot cars. It does not cause crashes. I understand most accurate reading of level is cold car on level surface …. But if the light goes indicates low oil on the M4, I’m adding it to hot car and driving off.

That guy was mental. I would have complained.

Those pesky ND people being allowed to work in supermarkets and interact with customers - so irritating.
Who really cares?
Just smile and say ‘I already know how to do it, I do it all the time. Thanks though.’

It's fine to put oil in a car then drive it. Tesco guy didn't say you can't do that. He was saying not to top up the oil when the engine is hot. From checking the RAC website, this is because the oil level on the dipstick will be less accurate when the engine is hot.

So now no one can ever be annoyed by a ND person?

Is it helpful to treat them like they are small children?

Thanks @shuggles - I was worried I may have been inadvertently playing Russian roulette with blowing myself up!

Nice try, OP, but you jumped the shark with the “might crash and kill someone” part.

First comment I would think he’s maybe being helpful/they are told to say this when selling oil but he carried on way too much yes that’s a lot of man-splaining

@Jezabelle85 - if you re-read OP's first post, that is almost Word for Word exactly what she did do…

And how would op know the man explaining everything is nd?
Should she ask if he has a formal diagnosis before she rejects his advice?
Are all mansplainers autistic?

He sounds similar to my (adult) autistic nephew.

Don't forget all the ND kids we desperately fight for on MN do turn into adults eventually.....

@notnorman - thanks for- so you could end
Up over topping up but not a huge issue by the sound of it

This

Maybe it was a clumsy attempt at chatting you up?

It may be helpful to have some links on autism to help those inexperienced with it to learn how to act in these situations. He honestly meant no harm. He may well get help from his own parents OP.

I wonder if your insecurities about your troublesome car have not helped with this situation. It must be very stressful. Not the shop assistants fault though.

And nobody has said otherwise.

As I said before, it is just another suggested explanation.

And as somebody that works with people with ND, we do have to treat them differently in some aspects, because their brains work/ respond/react to things differently- hence the term Neuro Diverse!