Mother, during a very rare row because I was the ‘good girl’: ‘You’re old enough and ugly enough to look after yourself.’
Me (aged 13): mildly answers back (again, rare)
Father: ‘Don’t speak to my wife like that you little bitch.’
All through my life: ‘You were a terrible baby. You cried all the time. I used to put your pram in the garden so we couldn’t hear you.’
It was always about their ‘love affair’ of a marriage. Me and my sibling were inconveniences.
When I was having such severe panic attacks aged 14 after my grandparent’s suicide that I had to come home from school: (both of them) ‘You’re swinging the lead’ (ie faking it)
When I told them aged 25 I was on antidepressants (for the third time, not that they knew about the first two times): ‘You’re not depressed, you’re just too sensitive and a hypochondriac!’
When we were struggling to conceive and were starting to look at adoption: ‘Well it takes a special sort of person to adopt and I don’t think that’s you.’ (Mother)
When I had very, very bad PND after eventual birth of first child, my dad said, angrily, ‘You’re not the first woman to have a baby, get over it.’
When I was struggling at a pivotal point in my career: ‘Oh I never worry about you. I do worry about your sibling though.’ My sibling (who I love, was labelled the ‘bad child’. She’s far more together, authentic, bright and stable than me.)
Plus all the usual comments about weight/beauty/desirability.
I have found the Raised by Narcissists subreddit very useful, btw. I’m not l/nc but I am very ‘surface/cheerful’ with them. They don’t know the real me.