Page 13 | To ask the worst things your parents have said to you?

BradleyGreenToes · 2025-01-04T19:33:09+00:00

I’ll start - I’m a slut I’m a failure without any friends I’m irrelevant to the family because I don’t have children

StasisMom · 06/01/2025 21:20

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 04/01/2025 19:43

Oh god i wouldn't know where to start with my mother.

Some childhood gems include "you have to suffer to look beautiful", "I never wanted a girl", "You're so fat" (size 8 and she was a size 26), she also made a massive speech the night before my wedding telling me she forgave me for having an affair with her husband (I was 10 and he was 50) and that when i realised she knew about the abuse all along.

Then after my sons death she told me I fucked up the only good thing I've ever done.

I could write a book on the crap she's said to me, been NC for a lot of years now and life is so much better, although she tells people I'm mentally ill and that's why I'm NC, so that's fun too.

Jesus, I'm so sorry.

Kaleidoscope101 · 06/01/2025 21:20

I've never felt the need to give up on a child but I feel the need to give up on your son.
He was 3.

StasisMom · 06/01/2025 21:25

purplehue · 04/01/2025 20:18

I love you but I don't like you.

Mine too! She called me fat, a c* and was generally often a witch, but it was this said to me when I was about 4 that has really stuck with me.

ABigBarofChocolate · 06/01/2025 21:33

I went on the pill when I got a new boyfriend at age 20. I had split from my ex over a year before. My dad called me a slapper and said I don't waste any time. He constantly makes comments about my weight when he has a massive beer belly.

When my mum was in hospital recovering from a brain operation we were talking about Freddie Mercury in the way to visit her and he said " if something happens to your mum, I'll obviously have a new woman and I'll definitely be using protection because you never know what you could catch" Prick!! He also didn't want to leave space on her grave stone when she died for his name because he will probably have a new wife and will be buried with her! Again ... prick!

Freshflower · 06/01/2025 21:40

I was adopted, and my adoptive mother said no wonder you were put up for adoption whilst pulling me by the hair , all because I got my socks wet , was only 5 at the time so many horrible things she said and done

CrowleyKitten · 06/01/2025 23:50

NonPlayerCharacter · 06/01/2025 20:46

nobody with dark hair gets a man.

And that's why dark hair genes have died out...

Was he actually insane?

I mean, he did later develop dementia, but he was very shallow about women. he'd be telling you about something that happened at work and it would be , oh, so Susan, very plain woman, said..." even if it was utterly irrelevant to the story he was telling.

CrowleyKitten · 06/01/2025 23:56

BradleyGreenToes · 06/01/2025 21:09

Same. My therapist at the time told me that it was likely that the grief would hit me further down the line when I told her I didn’t care he had died. It’s been three years now and still don’t give a shit. Good riddance.

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the only thing I was sad about was the fact that I had the kind of dad that I wasn't sad he'd died.
my stepdad on the other hand. I love him DEARLY. he's only 12 years older than me. took on a teenager in his 20s because he was so in love with my mum. he's been there for me through thick and thin.
he's a moody, sulky git sometimes, but he's my dad in all but biology. when he had cancer (since had the all clear) I was devastated.
I can't imagine taking on what he did at that age, but he's always been reliable and caring, and looked out for me.

NonPlayerCharacter · 07/01/2025 09:05

CrowleyKitten · 06/01/2025 21:11

I think because there are so many parents here, it hurts them to think that their children might not love them if they don't treat them right. so it's easier to make out the child is the unreasonable one, and a parent can't be at fault.

I just hope things go smoothly, and they never have to learn the hard way that nobody owes you unconditional affection and interaction. if you break their trust, make them feel bad about themselves etc. they're within their rights to cut you off.

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I think because there are so many parents here, it hurts them to think that their children might not love them if they don't treat them right. so it's easier to make out the child is the unreasonable one, and a parent can't be at fault.

Bang on, I think. It's much easier to accept that your child is just a nasty piece of work, or inherently insane beyond redemption, than that you were an appalling parent and caused the damage. If you had an abusive parent yourself, it can be unbearable to think that you became the thing you hated most.

That's one reason why there's usually a golden child alongside the scapegoat. If you elevate the child who doesn't display the damage you did in such a revealing way (in my experience they are usually damaged too but they show it differently) then you can use them as "proof" that you're not to blame because this child turned out great, doesn't blame you, etc etc. And then you can weaponise that dynamic among the kids to deflect everything from yourself, and punish the scapegoat for not falling in line. I don't think many abusers do this consciously, but they definitely do it.

It is very interesting how many kids, faced with a golden child/scapegoat dynamic, do indeed blame each other and not their parents. I'm not religious any longer but I remember as a teenager, looking at the story of Joseph and thinking, "Don't blame him, brothers, blame your arsehole dad!"

But I lost any need for my father's approval at a very young age.

mjf981 · 07/01/2025 09:11

All gay people should be shot at birth
Not great when you're 13 and just figuring it all out...

GwensOmlettePan · 08/01/2025 17:28

Reading this thread has brought tears to my eyes and has made me thoroughly ashamed that I ever complained about anything my parents said to me. I'm horrified so many of you grew up with people who did not deserve to have children. I hope you have all found love in your lives with people who value you as they should.

wellington77 · 08/01/2025 18:46

Thanksforchatting · 05/01/2025 02:37

That’s awful wellington I hope you are ok!
my dad said to me “I can’t walk you down the isle or say nice things about you when I don’t mean them”

this was a response to me choosing my friend instead of my sister as my bridesmaid and then saying they were not coming to my wedding. Despite me explaining my choice which was followed up by a “I don’t believe your reasons it’s just selfishness or jealousy..”

Thank you😊. Wish we could pick our parents! X

Shodan · 09/01/2025 08:35

GwensOmlettePan · 08/01/2025 17:28

Reading this thread has brought tears to my eyes and has made me thoroughly ashamed that I ever complained about anything my parents said to me. I'm horrified so many of you grew up with people who did not deserve to have children. I hope you have all found love in your lives with people who value you as they should.

That's so sweet of you, thank you.

I'm the luckiest woman on earth, I think- I have two wonderful sons with whom I have an incredibly close relationship. They're kind, funny, loyal and protective, not just of me but of each other, their friends, and girlfriends (actually only ds1 is at that stage but ds2 will be the same I'm sure) and still like me/each other enough to want to come on family holidays.

I also have DP who had a fairly awful mother/childhood himself so we understand each other and love more fully because of it, I think.

Like I say, I feel lucky.

I hope everyone else on this thread has gone on to feel the same joy.

Jigglypuff82 · 09/01/2025 17:54

Some of these are so sad....Rememeber though, for some parents...they did the best they could with the tools they had.....and I say that looking back at a mum who had me when she was 16. Grew and learned as I did and forever in survival mode.

Hope some of you are now at peace.