To think I’m not doing anything wrong

[Viserrisk]

Back to work on Monday after a lovely 2 weeks off! I’m currently reading a book (well I was before I came on here) with a glass of wine and left over Pringles from Christmas.

DH was out doing his hobby and he’s just come back home and asked me why I was drinking. I said I’m having a glass of wine, not exactly having shots rolling around everywhere. He said that I shouldn’t be drinking while looking after DC and that drinking alone in the house when it’s not Christmas anymore is “weird” DC1 is upstairs in their room and DC2 is sat on the floor playing.

AIBU?

Any husband who spoke to me like that would get wine in his face.

What do you think people who can't drive do in this situation? Think really really hard before you answer.

"Exactly this" my arse.

So i need to pay for a babysitter to sit in my house with me whilst I have a single glass of wine? Have you actually heard yourself?

This level of batshittery gives me life.

”Yes, I can babysit on Thursday. Going anywhere nice?”

”No. I’ll be sat on the other sofa having a glass of wine. I just need you there in the unlikely event that one of the children explodes. I am incapable of calling an uber, you see.”

It's really no wonder other forums take the piss out of Mumsnet when you read threads like this one 😆

I know.

These are probably the same pearl clutchers who bang on about people in Spain and Italy and France being so much more inclusive of children.

What do they think those parents are drinking? Chocolate milk??

The notion that a parent at home can't have a couple of drinks is absurd.

So, you sometimes drink, then return to look after your kids. That’s grand.

I’m afraid I don’t share your (apparent) view that parents drinking in moderation damages children. I don’t believe there’s any evidence of that.

I used to live in a Mediterranean country with my kids. Families have wine with their meals all the time. Children don’t find it ‘scary’: it’s a normal, civilised way of life. They don’t binge drink as people do in many Northern European countries. But I realise different cultures are different.

I'm a lone parent. I've not had a night out since 2019. So I will drink at home on a Saturday. I've got a friend 2 mins away who doesn't drink so would be here in an emergency. What the fuck am I supposed to do, never have a drink "just in case". Ridiculous. YANBU OP, your husband is being weird.

The scene brings to mind a Hogarth etching of Gin Lane haha!

Goodness knows what they think of loving, capable parents who are functioning heroin addicts or addicted to prescription opiates.

Don't be ridiculous. You'd be monitoring his drinking for one glass of wine?

No. I drink 2-3 times a year either when my DH is at home and sober or my parents are babysitting. If he is having a pint with food then I’m not drinking because I’d be driving us home.

My DH and his siblings were raised by two functioning alcoholics and it 100% made them very anxious and on edge and they all struggled to have a normal relationship with alcohol themselves in their younger days. All four have accessed help for mental health struggles and have reflected on a childhood centred around alcohol being a big reason for this.

My Dad was also raised by an alcoholic and remembers knowing by his Dad’s voice how many beers he’d had well before he was drunk.

I’m well aware that alcoholism on both sides of our family has coloured our views but we will do everything possible to protect our own family from the damage alcohol does. It’s a dangerous yet normalised and socially acceptable drug - if someone had said they’d had two lines of coke or smoked a joint while their kids played upstairs you’d be horrified, yet I’ve seen plenty people take illegal drugs and it change their behaviour less than a few drinks does for others.

You said the kids will see or sense a difference in you after 1 or 2 drinks. But you both will have 1 or 2 drinks then go home to your kids?

Sounds fine to me!

Who made him the boss of who can drink what, when?

Technically it is still Christmas anyway, even though most of the UK seems to have decided Christmas is from 1-26 December rather than 25 December until 6Jan. Myself included, but that’s not the traditional dates.

I wouldn’t no, she’s always asleep before I’d go home. DH will have one or two with food then come home with us and to be honest I’d rather even that didn’t happen but it’s very rare and I’m very aware my views around alcohol and children are on the extreme end so obviously I compromise! I don’t expect everyone to think or behave like I do, I’ve got teetotal friends and family members and ones who really really like a drink! I wouldn’t expect anyone else to change their behaviour. These threads are just opinion gathering.

Correct. The 12 days of Christmas end on 12th night (i.e. tomorrow). Your DH needs to understand his festivals.

You're fine. Your DH is being a kill joy.

A quiet glass of wine whilst reading is not a big deal. He is not the boss of you.
He's been out doing what he likes without a thought to what you might like.

But there’s a big different between an alcohol (functional or not) and someone having 1-2 glasses of wine (or other alcohol) occasionally.

I grew up spending weekdays with my mum and weekends with my grandma. My grandma would have a glass of wine with dinner and either another glass of wine or a glass of brandy at bedtime. If I didn’t physically see her drinking it, I wouldn’t have ever known. My mum is an alcoholic (thankfully now in recovery) who drank all day every day.

I felt safe with my grandma and I loved being there. Her two glasses of alcohol did not make me nervous, I didn’t sense her drinking or anything “off” about her.

I have no issues with alcohol. I rarely drink and haven’t in a few years although that’s more down to being pregnant etc. I know my limits when I do drink. Whilst I wouldn’t personally have a drink at home in the evening, I don’t see anything wrong with someone else doing this as long as they are still able to function properly if their children were to need something.

@adviceneeded1990 I think we have very different attitudes to alcohol and drugs for understandable reasons. I don’t come from a family background of addiction, bingeing or struggling with self-control. I’m not ‘horrified’ by a parent smoking a joint. And I’ve seen legal (prescription) drugs do terrible things to people too.

For your family, abstinence is your preference. I respect that.

How will you feel if your children drink and use drugs?

OP, your husband is being very unreasonable. Enjoy that glass of wine before the back to work routine begins.

Yeah everyone is different and it definitely doesn’t bother all children, I just wouldn’t want to take the chance due to the experiences within both of our families. Everyone is different and there are definitely adults who could drink at home and everything would be fine. Just not my cup of tea.

I agree with you there, legal prescription drugs can be worse at times. And you are right, a person with no experience of how wrong a relationship with alcohol can go wouldn’t think anything of it, so what works for every family is different. I’m very conscious of the medical research around there being a genetic component to addiction.

What DC do as adults isn’t our call but I’d obviously be upset by any drug taking because of the damage done to others along the chain of manufacturing/production and then dealing. Also I wouldn’t want my family members to commit any crime really! Drinking, it isn’t my decision, so I’d give advice around moderation but accept whatever choices are made by other adults. I won’t be making it a taboo or a big deal, I think that just makes kids want to do it more.

My children are mid-20s, and have never yet needed me to drive them to hospital from the house. The only time I have driven someone from our house to the hospital, it was my DH - should I never drink anything at home, in case I need to drive him to hospital?

😂😂😂

What if the OP doesn't drive/doesn't have a car ?????