I think I've been ghosted.

[Catnamedroxy]

Hello, never posted here before. But need some words of encouragement. I think I've been ghosted and it's made me feel horrendous. Dating a man for a few weeks. Quite close, Last spent new years eve together. Cuddling, kissing. Last heard from him 3 days ago.

Before anyone asks why i haven't messaged him. It's because the majority of the time I'm the one doing the messaging first. So I tried to take a step back and not do that all the time.

I feel like a right tit that he's ghosted me. It's never happened to me before. I've been going over in my head what I've done wrong. But I dont actually think it's anything that I have done. It's horrible. Why can't people just communicate. I'd rather he just text to say he didn't like me. I feel so shit.

Am I right in thinking ghosting is if they ignore the message? Have you messaged him? Has the messaging frequency changed?

Yeah that's right. And no, because we're at a stage in the dating that I don't know if it's worth messaging because it hasn't been that long and i don't want to come across as some bunny boiler. But it hasn't been just one date either. If that makes sense.

Fair play to you for not being too eager and for following your gut instinct. It shouldn't be one sided at this stage. If you don't hear from him again consider yourself lucky you found out early that either he's not as in to you, or he plays games. He'll respect you more for this. Fingers crossed for you

I think efforts should be matched, if he is not making any effort then he is not worth it. Maybe you should reframe this in your mind to you ghosting him!

So you aren’t messaging him because he hasn’t messaged you.

What if he isn’t messaging you because you haven’t messaged him?

A vicious circle where nobody wins.

You don't know what's actually happened. It's been 3 days. Send him a message. If he doesn't reply, then you can think about being ghosted. But for now, you're both doing the exact same thing!

Thanks for the replies. The reason I haven't messaged him is because, I always do the reaching out first. Very seldom did he. His last message was "I'll give you a text tomorrow goodnight x" So I just assumed he would.

I don't want to reach out to him because if he wanted to talk to me, he would. He obviously doesn't. Which is a bit hurtful but I'll have to suck it up. I just wish I hadn't spent my time with him if I knew I'd be ghosted.

Ghosting is really cowardly.

He maybe liked you making all the effort.

I would not text him or a make any effort at all

Can you find another date? I'd go out with someone else just to keep me occupied.

It really is cowardly. I'd rather he just say he's not into me. Even though his actions when we're together don't come across that way.

I'm not big into dating. He's the first man I've been dating since my ex of 13 years. What a way to start dating. I think I'll stitch myself up before I date again.

It really is cowardly. I'd rather he just say he's not into me. Even though his actions when we're together don't come across that way.

But you don't know that he's doing this! All you know is he hasn't messaged. There could be any number of reasons for that. All we can say for now is that you are definitely ghosting him because you have made the choice not to message him.

You just need to date a few men at the same time so you don't care about any single one of them/don't put all your eggs in one basket as much early on.

I'm definitely not ghosting him. If I had said to him that I'd give him a message tomorrow and I never, then I would be ghosting him.

We communicated through WhatsApp. I've obviously checked to see if he's even been online since he last text me. He has. So therefore he's ghosting me.

My first date of OLD stood me up. There have been some much better dates since. There are a lot of rubbish people on line, but not everyone is.

So if he hadn’t said “I’ll text you tomorrow” then it wouldn’t be ghosting?

Struggling to see the difference between yours and his behaviour here.

Tbh if you usually text first he probably thinks you've ghosted him.

That's what I thought.

To clarify I absolutely haven't ghosted him. Why would I? I really like him. All I've done is match the same energy and funnily enough I haven't heard a peep from him. We spent new years eve together. Cuddling, kissing etc at his place. Why would I ghost him after making the effort to drive there. I could've spent it with friends.

Anyway, he has my number. I keep telling myself, if he wanted to then he would.

You've ghosted one another. However, given that the last message was him saying he will text and he hasn't, this is way more on him. I wouldnt text, if he wanted to he would. He may be thinking the same about you, but his communication style is shite if he never really texts first and doesn't text first even when he says he will. I'd say sadly he's not that into you, sorry.

Both of you are doing the exact same thing. Fair enough if you don't want to text him but at least take responsibility for your decision. There is really no need to get into a victim mentality by suggesting he ghosted you. He didn't. He made a promise he didn't keep. He was the last person who texted and you haven't replied. So that's you doing the ghosting. You are free to do what you want.

You've set a boundary and expected him to somehow know this without communicating it to him.

He expected things to carry on as usual, you didn't want it to (absolutely fair enough), but you're now saying he has ghosted you, when he's probably wondering why you haven't messaged him as usual.

It's probably best to just leave things at this point because the communication between you is really off.

After he said "I'll give you a text tomorrow goodnight x", did you reply at all? Even an "ok speak tomorrow"?

To clarify I absolutely haven't ghosted him. Why would I? I really like him

But you said "I don't want to reach out to him because if he wanted to talk to me, he would." How do you know he's not doing the same thing? By refusing to message him, you absolutely are ghosting him, no matter how many times you say you're not. Or don't call it ghosting, call it playing childish games.

Had exactly the same thing happen to me last week. Pathetic, cowardly behaviour. Better to be out now than for him to do this further down the line. I know how much it hurts, even if it’s just been a short time and it doesn’t say anything bad about you that you’re upset. You will get over this.

People fall into habits and roles very quickly. If you are usually the instigator then it’s entirely possible he’s waiting to hear from you.

I would stop playing games and send a straightforward text saying hi, how are you doing? If he replies you’ll know you aren’t ghosted.

When you actually meet then have a conversation about communication. It’s so vital in making relationships work and so many people aren’t good at it.

Christ, does everyone OLD get involved in this level of game playing?

It’s simple, neither of you have ghosted anyone - you’ve just stopped talking.

If you want to speak to him then stop playing games and message him. Only if he doesn’t reply does it count as having been ghosted. It’s not hard, but people make it hard.