I think I've been ghosted.

[Catnamedroxy]

Hello, never posted here before. But need some words of encouragement. I think I've been ghosted and it's made me feel horrendous. Dating a man for a few weeks. Quite close, Last spent new years eve together. Cuddling, kissing. Last heard from him 3 days ago.

Before anyone asks why i haven't messaged him. It's because the majority of the time I'm the one doing the messaging first. So I tried to take a step back and not do that all the time.

I feel like a right tit that he's ghosted me. It's never happened to me before. I've been going over in my head what I've done wrong. But I dont actually think it's anything that I have done. It's horrible. Why can't people just communicate. I'd rather he just text to say he didn't like me. I feel so shit.

Well no, because I sent the last text. He said he'd text me the next day. The ball was left in his court as they say. It's not about texting to see if I'm ghosted. I think his actions already answer that. I'm not playing the chasing game either. He's been online since I last text. He knows full well he hasn't replied to me. He's not an idiot.

you've done nothing wrong, he's the one not messaging when he said he would, I definitely wouldn't message him.

If you message him, he knows he doesn't have to make any effort with you.

There is a lots of healthy space between lovebombing and bread crumbing. I would be as suspicious of someone who bombarded me with texts and messages as I would have someone who appeared to limit communication to such a degree that you are unsure of yourself.

At the start of a relationship healthy people keep in contact but some of us don’t like to be overtaken by our infatuation. Don’t get me wrong the infatuation stage is great but it stops us asking questions as to whether the person or relationship is the right one. It’s healthy to want to be around a new love interest and it is healthy to want to give them some assurance you are interested.

What is clear from your posts is that you need reassurance and contact. Maybe he doesn’t. You could talk this out and it could be resolved. Or he could run a mile at the thought of it. But the question is why, if he is behaving in a way you don’t like, are you just not calling it a day. Throw this one back.

FWIW, I’m one of those people who doesn’t like constant contact. MrTT jokes about it. But when we got together I did stay in contact and wanted to be in contact. If you want to make something work you want to reply (that’s the infatuation) and you do so in a way that gives the other person assurance you are interested but also not a needy loon.

@LemonTT What is clear from your posts is that you need reassurance and contact.

That's not what this thread says at all. He said he would text tomorrow, he didn't text. If he would have said I'll text you next week I'm sure OP wouldn't have been sitting there crying that she wasn't getting daily contact. He didn't do something he said he would do.

Absolutely 💯 agree with this.

A lot of men are shit nowadays. TBH women too. To me, it's clear that he's not that into you. If he was, he would have texted you.

It's such a non thing though. If you like him this seems like such a small thing to throw away a potential future for, when you could have just messaged him and saved yourself all this angst!
This sounds much more like your pride has been wounded then anything else.
As I say, if you're not that bothered then leave things here, it just seems so petty to throw away something for such a small thing.

He’s not ghosting you. He just hasn’t messaged you.

Ghosting is when someone ignores your message. You haven’t messaged him, so he’s not ghosting you.

Yep. It’s this.

You’ve changed your behaviour so he thinks you’re not into him.

whether he ghosted you or not, doesn't really matter what does matter is that he said he would message you and hasn't but is also online. No way would I message him. I'd have more self respect. if he was interested in you, he would message you as he said.

You’ve got nothing to lose, so best you get closure (if necessary)
message him with a breezy ‘hi, how’re you? fancy getting together again soon?’
then you’ll know for sure.

This is what i keep saying to myself. I won't be texting either. More annoyed that I opened myself up just to be let down. But oh well, life goes on 😫

Life does go on.

Don't stop dating because of this one berk.

It's disappointing and hurtful that there are idiots like this around.

An interested man, & one worth really having IMO, leaves you in no doubt whatsoever.

I can't believe how many are saying you should message him as that's what you normally do, because, he has actually stated that he will message you, so that's what ypu would expect to be the next communication not you ignoring his message and messaging him.

If you had done this posters would be saying you're too needy.....you can't win.

I’m firmly in the message him camp! Then you’ll have your answer. Why prolong the agony?

Because No answer is an answer.

just message him for entertainment purposes for this thread? 😂

You’re getting some misleading advice here.

That fact you’re texting first isn’t a good sign, a man that truly likes you is texting you and making arrangements to see you.

I wouldn’t message him. He said he would message you, he hasn’t.

I would leave it a few more days, and then block him. I say this as most of the time if they know they aren’t blocked, they work back in with some “I’m so sorry, I just had lots on/been busy/going through something” 🙄

Love to you.. 🩷

He hasn’t ghosted you. You haven’t ghosted him. Ghosting is where somebody completely disappears and ignores all attempts to interact. It sounds like he’s just not made the effort to text you or to initiate a conversation, I can see why that’s frustrating but it’s not ghosting, it’s just not initiating a conversation. If you were trying to contact him and he was ignoring your attempts, not replying to messages or answering calls and had appeared to disappear off the face of the earth that would be ghosting you. Not initiating contact is not the same as ghosting.

It sounds like he’s just not interested enough to put any effort in, he can’t be arsed unless you initiate contact. Frustrating for you, but not the same as being ghosted as he’s not ignoring your attempts at communication, he’s just not initiating it and breaking the mutual silence.

I don’t think either of you have ghosted each other really. Just a mutual fade away.

And if you are always the one to make contact I would take that as a sign he is not interested.

BDMO. On to the next.

OP for all the okonkers on this thread - don't message him again until he messages you first if he does. If YOUR the one that usually instigates it leave it to him. if he doesn't get back to you or match your energy that tells you all you need to know

NYE is a really special night to spend together, I don't think he would have done that lightly. Just message him. Then you will know.

I think you are absolutely right that it is ghosting. If he was waiting for you to message him he would look at the messages and realise he had sent the last one saying he would contact you. It's really horrible isn't it?

She's had her answer

He's clearly not bothered enough

Exactly. There's no doubt in my mind that I haven't been in his thoughts at some point, for him to know he hasn't messaged me like he said he would. Clearly he doesn't want too. Which is fine, I just wish he could've communicated the reason why. So then i could've at least understood. Instead of picking myself apart.