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AIBU?

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Original poster

I think I've been ghosted.

132 replies

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 11:56

Hello, never posted here before. But need some words of encouragement. I think I've been ghosted and it's made me feel horrendous. Dating a man for a few weeks. Quite close, Last spent new years eve together. Cuddling, kissing. Last heard from him 3 days ago.

Before anyone asks why i haven't messaged him. It's because the majority of the time I'm the one doing the messaging first. So I tried to take a step back and not do that all the time.

I feel like a right tit that he's ghosted me. It's never happened to me before. I've been going over in my head what I've done wrong. But I dont actually think it's anything that I have done. It's horrible. Why can't people just communicate. I'd rather he just text to say he didn't like me. I feel so shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:07

Marleigh0 · 04/01/2025 12:59

After he said "I'll give you a text tomorrow goodnight x", did you reply at all? Even an "ok speak tomorrow"?

Yeah, I said "OK, goodnight name x" I sent the last text. That's why I dont feel like I've done the ghosting.

OP posts:
Deebee90 · 04/01/2025 13:08

Did you reply to his message when he said speak to you romorrow or just read it and leave it. Because if you just read it then it looks to me like you ghosted him not the other way round. Something might have come up for him and he couldn’t text you first thing, then when you didn’t message him at all he thought sod it like I would and didn’t message. Dating is hard and sometimes you have to make the effort.

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 04/01/2025 13:09

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:07

Yeah, I said "OK, goodnight name x" I sent the last text. That's why I dont feel like I've done the ghosting.

Show quote history

So here’s the thing. If you have an actual conversation with someone, you know, face to face, and you say have the last word, do you then not speak to them again unless they speak first? Because it’s the same thing here.

It doesn’t have to be about who texted last and if it was you you’re going to wait for a text. Just bloody well say hello.

JHound · 04/01/2025 13:11

I would think ghosting is when you message them and they ignore you.

This just seems like him not being interested so he won’t be proactive in messaging. I have done this in honesty.

If you message him he may say he is not interested.

Original poster
Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:11

I'm open to suggestions of me doing the ghosting. But I genuinely don't think I have at least not intentionally.

All I've done is wait for his message. Which was never sent. So I'm assuming he doesn't want to. Which is fine, but id rather he be honest why.

I'm definitely not playing games. What would I gain from that? And to be honest, it's a bit off putting always reaching out first. So I thought I'd take a step back to see if he follows up on his word.

Maybe I'm just not ready to date if I feel that way. And yes I sent the last text to him after he said he'd text me tomorrow. He read it, I haven't heard a thing since. To me that is ghosting.

OP posts:
Kingoftheroad · 04/01/2025 13:12

For goodness sake - just message him

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2025 13:13

All I've done is match the same energy and funnily enough I haven't heard a peep from him

Yes but to him, this could be a big change from your norm. So he perhaps is thinking you've changed your mind too...

Marleigh0 · 04/01/2025 13:13

You're not doing the ghosting, you replied to his last message. He said he would text and he never. I wouldn't chase him.

Original poster
Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:14

Marleigh0 · 04/01/2025 13:13

You're not doing the ghosting, you replied to his last message. He said he would text and he never. I wouldn't chase him.

Thank you. I've started to question whether it was me doing the ghosting. But I really don't think I have. I won't be messaging. The ball is in his court

OP posts:
Whoarethoseguys · 04/01/2025 13:17

3 days isn't long, there may be all sorts of reasons why he hasn't been in touch maybe his phone isn't working?
Maybe he thinks you are ghosting him as normally you contact him and you haven't this time? Maybe he isn't very confident so he waits to hear from you.
I think you at least need to contact him to see if he is ok and then take it from there. If you do decide the relationship is worth it you need a conversation about how you both see things developing or not.

bluebalou · 04/01/2025 13:18

Fgs just send him a quick text to put an end to it either way. At least you'll know for sure, could be a perfectly good reason and your building it into
Something it's not.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 04/01/2025 13:21

You have not done the ghosting. He said he would text you tomorrow and he hasn't.

You hit the nail on the head, if he wanted to, he would.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 04/01/2025 13:25

I get where you're coming from OP. He did say he'd text but hasn't.

If you text he'll probably respond but as you say, you make most of the moves. And you know he's been online.

Maybe send a quick 'How's 2025 going so far?'

Marleigh0 · 04/01/2025 13:30

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:14

Thank you. I've started to question whether it was me doing the ghosting. But I really don't think I have. I won't be messaging. The ball is in his court

Show quote history

Yeah I'd leave it to him, 100%.

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/01/2025 13:30

I agree with PP. Sounds like you are both ghosting each other. In which case, it's obviously time to ditch this one and move on.

hideawayforever · 04/01/2025 13:43

No, don't message him, unless you want a relationship were you're always the one initiating the contact.....who would want that.

If he doesn't contact you now after saying he would then he's obviously not interested.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 04/01/2025 13:43

I think he’s ghosting, not you. If someone usually texts someone first then doesn’t, you’d send a “hey, how are you?” Message or SOMETHING. Because you’d think it’s odd or that there could actually be something seriously wrong. OR he so expects you to always text first, despite his last message saying he’d text you, that he’s not worth any effort as he has no investment in a two way relationship. So either way, chuck this one back. Being ghosted for the first time sucks. Unfortunately the more it happens the less you care. It’s when it’s someone you’ve been seeing for MONTHS and have real feeling for that it’s bad.

hideawayforever · 04/01/2025 13:48

yeh he's definitely doing the ghosting, it's up to him to follow up on his message telling you he'll message.

Original poster
Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:50

hideawayforever · 04/01/2025 13:48

yeh he's definitely doing the ghosting, it's up to him to follow up on his message telling you he'll message.

My thoughts exactly😅

OP posts:
MrsSchrute · 04/01/2025 13:50

MatildaTheCat · 04/01/2025 13:04

People fall into habits and roles very quickly. If you are usually the instigator then it’s entirely possible he’s waiting to hear from you.

I would stop playing games and send a straightforward text saying hi, how are you doing? If he replies you’ll know you aren’t ghosted.

When you actually meet then have a conversation about communication. It’s so vital in making relationships work and so many people aren’t good at it.

Yeah, do this. Good advice. X

loobylou10 · 04/01/2025 13:52

He said he'd message you, he hasn't. I wouldn't text him either OP. It shouldn't be this hard this early on. Flakey - move on.

Original poster
Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:52

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 04/01/2025 13:43

I think he’s ghosting, not you. If someone usually texts someone first then doesn’t, you’d send a “hey, how are you?” Message or SOMETHING. Because you’d think it’s odd or that there could actually be something seriously wrong. OR he so expects you to always text first, despite his last message saying he’d text you, that he’s not worth any effort as he has no investment in a two way relationship. So either way, chuck this one back. Being ghosted for the first time sucks. Unfortunately the more it happens the less you care. It’s when it’s someone you’ve been seeing for MONTHS and have real feeling for that it’s bad.

It really does suck. Especially being such an over thinker. It's really made me question myself. Even though I know I've done nothing wrong.

More so how men (I'm sure some women do this too) can actually be all over you like a rash and then disappear without a word. How do they do that? Madness.

OP posts:
MrsSchrute · 04/01/2025 13:54

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:52

It really does suck. Especially being such an over thinker. It's really made me question myself. Even though I know I've done nothing wrong.

More so how men (I'm sure some women do this too) can actually be all over you like a rash and then disappear without a word. How do they do that? Madness.

Show quote history

But isn't that exactly what you've done as well??
I don't get this! If you like him, text him. If you're not that bothered, don't.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 04/01/2025 13:57

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 13:52

It really does suck. Especially being such an over thinker. It's really made me question myself. Even though I know I've done nothing wrong.

More so how men (I'm sure some women do this too) can actually be all over you like a rash and then disappear without a word. How do they do that? Madness.

Show quote history

If it’s any consolation, someone once ghosted me after a SIX MONTH relationship. Six months! I’d met his family, he had clothes and things at mine… then poof! Vanished. I honestly thought he’d died or something until he started posting on Facebook. I tell this story and laugh now but at the time it hurt.

Marleigh0 · 04/01/2025 13:57

MrsSchrute · 04/01/2025 13:54

But isn't that exactly what you've done as well??
I don't get this! If you like him, text him. If you're not that bothered, don't.

Show quote history

He didn't do something he said he was going to do. How is it exactly the same? OP hasn't gone back on something she said she would do.