I think I've been ghosted.

[Catnamedroxy]

Hello, never posted here before. But need some words of encouragement. I think I've been ghosted and it's made me feel horrendous. Dating a man for a few weeks. Quite close, Last spent new years eve together. Cuddling, kissing. Last heard from him 3 days ago.

Before anyone asks why i haven't messaged him. It's because the majority of the time I'm the one doing the messaging first. So I tried to take a step back and not do that all the time.

I feel like a right tit that he's ghosted me. It's never happened to me before. I've been going over in my head what I've done wrong. But I dont actually think it's anything that I have done. It's horrible. Why can't people just communicate. I'd rather he just text to say he didn't like me. I feel so shit.

Ignore the VERY obvious goaders OP. They get a tiny thrill from a reaction.

What is with the hash tags? I'm not complaining. Speaking about it's made me feel isn't complaining. In my opinion.

I'm not complaining he hasn't text either. I just wanted to put my feelings down into words instead of sending him ANOTHER text and making myself look a right dick.

But why would it make you look like a dick? And to who?

She wants to be chased.

You're genuinely reaching saying that. Considering I've done all the reaching out majority of the time.

I know 😐 sorry I posted now haha

Your bang on.

so you message him then he messages you, and you're back to square one as he will still expect you to initiate all the time.

No way!, you've then wasted another few weeks on him.

Definitely wait for him to message AS HE SAID he would, if he doesn't then that's your answer.

This is already too much effort, forget about him and move on.

I wonder what you expected? You post a thread moaning about how people can't communicate properly, where you are deliberately not communicating properly!

Re-frame this in your mind as you choosing to end it (by not chasing him) as you deserve someone who thinks about you all the time and WANTS to message you and see you. Not some sap who needs a nudge to be in contact. You don’t need to find out what would happen if you did message him because the outcome is the same either way.

To clarify I absolutely haven't ghosted him. Why would I? I really like him.

You like him so much that you won’t even send one last text, just in case? You’d rather stress about being ghosted and, in your own words, “pick yourself apart” than risk him thinking you care either way? If he HAS ghosted you, it doesn’t really matter if he thinks you’re being needy by trying again - you won’t be seeing him to find out.

Of course, you don’t have to try again, but it seems a bit stubborn and short-sighted to say “Well, it’s his turn” rather than just finding out.

Not messaging someone. Then saying you have been ghosted. Is literally playing games.

what happened to people just saying what they felt in relationships then making informed decisions?

In what way did OP not communicate ‘properly’? He messaged saying would text the next day, op replied ‘ok’. Waited for the message which never came. In my book if you promise to do something, then you should do it. How do you think OP should proceed here? Chase him for a response? How many times?

If it were me, I'd text a "Hey Dan, I'm feeling a bit hurt that I haven't heard from you after the last message, is there a reason?" I usually force men to be honest with me because why the f should they get away with ghosting? It's not needy to be hurt, it's understandable and IMO it's confident to be able to admit it and demand an explanation.

And gaslighting OP, by implying she is the one who is ghosting, when she clearly isn’t, is also ‘playing games’. And goady…

How do you think OP should proceed here? Chase him for a response? How many times?

Given she says she really likes him, once seems reasonable…

OP, ignore the nasties on here.

Yanbu. Do not text him.
You are correct, the ball is in his court.
He could well be busy chasing other women and he will reach out to you again if he doesn't get anywhere.

Do not be the good enough for now girl.
Delete his number so you can ask "who this?" if he is cheeky enough to text you again.

Who has been nasty here?

What you are advocating is textbook game playing. Why not be honest and straightforward instead?

OP, I'm probably a lot older than you, and I feel for you. I remember this kind of confusion and heartache well. But one of the single things I most regret, now I'm in my more advanced years, is the time and emotional energy I wasted on men who weren't worth a second of it. Don't be me.

Thanks to the posters who've been supportive. I won't be messaging again. Yes I like him, but he clearly doesn't like me the same way otherwise he'd have messaged. It's not about chasing either. As I've said. I don't do the chasing game. I've deleted his number. It doesn't do my self esteem well though to be in this position.

It just makes me never wanna open my heart up to anyone again. And anyone who says it doesn't knock their confidence when they're ghosted is lying, surely? Unless I'm the only clown who let's it get to me.

I am exasperated by the number of people asking OP why she hasn’t messaged him and suggesting that she was the one ghosting him. Op explained from her first message why she didn’t text.

OP, I have dated LOTS so I can say with confidence that, with few exceptions, when a man wants a woman they pursue and pursue and pursue. They text even when the woman goes quiet, even when it’s obvious the woman doesn’t want them. They have confidence in pursuing women who are out of their league or women who are not interested. I dated a man for a little while and he just didn’t seem bothered, he didn’t initiate much or organise proper dates. When I raised the issue he came up with lots of excuses. In the end things didn’t work out (now I know that’s because he wasn’t interest in me). We stayed friends. He is now interested in another woman and he’s asking me for advice on courting her. I can see from the message exchanges he had with her (which he showed me) that he’s chasing her like hell, booking restaurants, putting up with her repeatedly cancelling, not expecting sex after several weeks of dating, etc. He’s very different than how he was when he was ‘courting me’. I’ve also dated men whose behaviour towards me changed massively when they stopped being interested in me (or viceversa). Men who’d text during a quick coffee break suddenly had no time to text me during a 3 hour train journey.

OP, well done for not texting him (esp as you’d initiated conversations before). He probably liked you but wasn’t that keen and wasn’t bothered whether he continued seeing you or not. Had you texted, he would have replied, met you, wasted more of your time. Now that you didn’t, he sees this as an easy way out. If you were to contact him to ask why he’d gone quiet he’ll try to gaslight you and say that you also didn’t text, or that he didn’t think you were interested, or some other excuse.

Going against the grain here - I agree OP you've been ghosted. All these people telling you to message him seem to be missing that if someone makes no effort at the start it's unlikely to improve - early dating is best behaviour territory. If it's regularly you initiating contact and when left to him he doesn't reciprocate, then he's either incredibly lazy or uninterested. And you deserve better. Next!

OP, no, you really must not let ghosting affect your confidence! Tell yourself that the issue is with them, not with you, until you believe it.
Even if you did something ‘wrong’ , a decent person would text to say ‘’hey, I’ve enjoyed getting to know you but the chemistry/ compatibility isn’t quite there for me’’. There is absolutely no excuse for people who ghost other people, other than the massive issues they have with themselves (for which we should feel sorry for them ;)). One of my exes treated me like shit and pointed out certain personality traits that I had which made me a horrible person. I started to believe him… When the relationship ended i met with one of his exes (long story, he cheated on me with her while we were together) and found out that, although she was completely different to me, he was equally unhappy and critical of her.

if you walk on the street and a dog barks at you, do you feel hurt or feel that you’ve done something wrong?? No, they’re just dogs, they don’t know any better. That’s the same view you need to have of men who treat you badly and don’t have the decency to end things with courtesy.

What game playing?🙄

If she deletes his number she is hardly going to remember it weeks later if he comes sniffing around again and texts🤷🏻‍♀️🙄.

Why on earth would she keep his number??🙄

Well done OP for deleting.
Nothing to be gained by keeping his number.

Often people are texting, dating multiple people and are futher along and feeling more connected to others.
Disappointing but really not a reflection of you, despite you taking it as such.
Wishing you well.