I think I've been ghosted.

[Catnamedroxy]

Hello, never posted here before. But need some words of encouragement. I think I've been ghosted and it's made me feel horrendous. Dating a man for a few weeks. Quite close, Last spent new years eve together. Cuddling, kissing. Last heard from him 3 days ago.

Before anyone asks why i haven't messaged him. It's because the majority of the time I'm the one doing the messaging first. So I tried to take a step back and not do that all the time.

I feel like a right tit that he's ghosted me. It's never happened to me before. I've been going over in my head what I've done wrong. But I dont actually think it's anything that I have done. It's horrible. Why can't people just communicate. I'd rather he just text to say he didn't like me. I feel so shit.

The more I think about it the more I think he was just after one thing. Which is a shame because why waste my time inviting me around on more than one occasion and be attentive etc just in the hopes of getting your leg over?

Do men really go to that length just for that? When they could avoid wasting all that time and go on a night out and meet someone that way or maybe just be upfront and say I'm after a shag. I don't know haha.

I'll put this down to a bad experience. Even if he reached out now I'd just say I'm not interested. Doubt he will anyway. I'll get over the ghosting I'm sure x

Well, yes, of course it does affect one's confidence but, and here is the trick, only if you let it. People cooling off is rarely about you and almost always about them. Sometimes it's lack of communication, sometimes it is another woman/man, sometimes it's life. The problems become when you ruminate on situation and begin second-guessing their motives. In absence of clear communications you are only seeing things from the position of your own insecurities. When my ex told me he lost interest, my mind immediately went to the only place it could go - I'm too old, too fat, too unattractive etc. The truth is, I am none of these things. He simply had unrealistic expectations about what relationship entails and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. He was the one who didn't put in the hard work. My only fault was not seeing it earlier and not drawing hard lines.
Similarly, him ghosting you or whatever you want to call it is simply not about you. The relationship failed to progress for whatever reason... It happens. Let it go

I used to have a '3 strikes and I'm done' rule, i.e. if they didn't answer 3 messages then i gave up. And I don't mean 3 straight after each other i mean a couple of days apart.

Well done for having self respect and boundaries OP.

Yes men go to any lengths to get their leg over

come on op surely you know that many people on online dating are purely only after one thing?

I don’t want to ask if you gave it to him on NYE but I’m hoping not!

Hi op, do you have an update ? Did he actually ghost you ? The reason I am posting is because I tried sending you a pm however it is disabled.
I was in a long term relationship with a man who went distant and quiet for a few weeks around Christmas he also let me down with very rubbish excuses about not being able to see me around this time, one of the evenings he couldn't see me was new years eve , I was gutted as we had a big night planned.
I had a feeling there was someone else that he was seeing. Anyway fast forward to now. After weeks of being distant and letting me down I ended the relationship a month ago. He has come crawling back , begging for another try but I will not take him back.
He had an emotional breakdown , admitting there had been another woman that he was seeing / dating for a few weeks and he had spent new years eve with her instead of me. Unbelievable I know! He also said he has messed her around a bit as he didn't know what he wanted her or me. I hope you don't mind me posting this however I think your guy sounds like mine!
It all sounds very coincidental! Do u mind me asking what area you are in? And also was there a major reason you drove to his? Does he drive at all or problems with car etc?
I reckon this is the same man... unfortunately

Do u mind me asking what area you are in?

@Lolaliloybeach

Why don’t you share the area you’re in with the OP instead of asking her to share first? It reminds me of random men who want your phone number when they could simply just give you their number.