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Original poster

I think I've been ghosted.

132 replies

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 11:56

Hello, never posted here before. But need some words of encouragement. I think I've been ghosted and it's made me feel horrendous. Dating a man for a few weeks. Quite close, Last spent new years eve together. Cuddling, kissing. Last heard from him 3 days ago.

Before anyone asks why i haven't messaged him. It's because the majority of the time I'm the one doing the messaging first. So I tried to take a step back and not do that all the time.

I feel like a right tit that he's ghosted me. It's never happened to me before. I've been going over in my head what I've done wrong. But I dont actually think it's anything that I have done. It's horrible. Why can't people just communicate. I'd rather he just text to say he didn't like me. I feel so shit.

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 04/01/2025 14:38

I agree that if he wanted to see you again, PROBABLY he would have messaged.

However, men have feelings and insecurities just as we women do. They can start to question whether we are in to them, they can need reassurance, just like we can.

It is possible he got it into his head that you are less keen than him, and that your failure to message over the last few days has confirmed this for him.....

Because on the face of it, you have both ghosted each other. And yet you still like him. So it's possible he still likes you too?

If I were you I would message. You lose literally nothing by doing so. "A bit concerned I haven't heard from you over the last few days - are you still wanting to pursue things or not? Totally understand if not, but would be good to get clarity either way".

If he ignores this , you have lost nothing. Either way you know where you stand rather than having any element of doubt in your mind.....

(I messaged my first and only Tinder date first after the first time we slept together. He told me that if I hadn't messaged he wouldn't have, because he didn't think he was good enough for me and thought I just wanted a ONS. He turned out to be the love of my life).

FinallyDecided · 04/01/2025 14:41

Hey OP, I've been there and it's awful. It felt off because it is. The energy should be equal at least. One day you'll be glad this one didn't stick around. Or rather you won't think of him at all.

Blueberrymuffin8 · 04/01/2025 14:42

Ghosting is just cruel. There really are some nasty people out there!!

GetyourheadoutoftheovenIris · 04/01/2025 14:48

Modern dating sounds rubbish.

Does it make me really old that my first thought would be to see if he’s okay rather than assuming that he hates me?

Maybe he died?

MrsSchrute · 04/01/2025 14:52

Ilovelurchers · 04/01/2025 14:38

I agree that if he wanted to see you again, PROBABLY he would have messaged.

However, men have feelings and insecurities just as we women do. They can start to question whether we are in to them, they can need reassurance, just like we can.

It is possible he got it into his head that you are less keen than him, and that your failure to message over the last few days has confirmed this for him.....

Because on the face of it, you have both ghosted each other. And yet you still like him. So it's possible he still likes you too?

If I were you I would message. You lose literally nothing by doing so. "A bit concerned I haven't heard from you over the last few days - are you still wanting to pursue things or not? Totally understand if not, but would be good to get clarity either way".

If he ignores this , you have lost nothing. Either way you know where you stand rather than having any element of doubt in your mind.....

(I messaged my first and only Tinder date first after the first time we slept together. He told me that if I hadn't messaged he wouldn't have, because he didn't think he was good enough for me and thought I just wanted a ONS. He turned out to be the love of my life).

So much sense in this post.

It's like there is this game with rules that everyone is just supposed to know, but no one is actually talking to each other!

If I was you, I would message him. You have literally nothing to lose and potentially a lot to gain.

2025already · 04/01/2025 14:59

As it’s driving you mad and you are analysing it a lot, you could text and say, I haven’t heard from you? Then he might get back and say, Sorry I’ve been really busy, how’s things? Then you just pick it back up from where you left off. I’ve done that before!

Maybe he is busy working? (Giving him the benefit of the doubt there.) Yes he should have got back to you and he might not be interested but in the early days I don’t think there has to be hard and fast rules. Sometimes it’s just chance if something works out or not.

Or if he says, Sorry it’s not working out for me, I don’t want to meet again, well at least you know!!

Original poster
Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 15:05

I understand the posters saying to message him. But i won't be.

For these reasons.

He's been online multiple times, so i know he's NOT dead.

I sent the last text so the ball was left in his court.

He was the one who said he'd text me the next day.

If he wanted to, he's kind of man who would.

OP posts:
MrsSchrute · 04/01/2025 15:08

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 15:05

I understand the posters saying to message him. But i won't be.

For these reasons.

He's been online multiple times, so i know he's NOT dead.

I sent the last text so the ball was left in his court.

He was the one who said he'd text me the next day.

If he wanted to, he's kind of man who would.

Totally your choice op.

But I really don't think he has done much wrong here.

GoldsolesLugs · 04/01/2025 15:08

Let me get this right - you've "gamed" him so hard that you've accidentally ended the relationship by ghosting him, but you think he's ghosted you? You go queen!!!

FKAT · 04/01/2025 15:08

I get you OP. It's not about who sent the last message. It's about you being at the point where you've got to ask yourself if this man/relationship is worth further investment and energy. You could text him, arrange a date, go on a few dates and be a few months down the line and you will still be the one making the effort. Or he could just be keeping you on as an ego boost/shag. If that's what you want, no problem. But you want a relationship with a man who matches your energy and is really motivated to contact you and do what he says he's going to do, this isn't it. YANBU

changecandles · 04/01/2025 15:09

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 12:56

To clarify I absolutely haven't ghosted him. Why would I? I really like him. All I've done is match the same energy and funnily enough I haven't heard a peep from him. We spent new years eve together. Cuddling, kissing etc at his place. Why would I ghost him after making the effort to drive there. I could've spent it with friends.

Anyway, he has my number. I keep telling myself, if he wanted to then he would.

Edited

So you haven't ghosted him but he has ghosted you as far as you are concerned. But you've actually done the same thing. Neither of you has messaged. So how do you know he's not thinking you've ghosted him?

OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 15:11

You having to message first says a lot. Was he texting or just responding?

I’d stop chasing him as he doesn’t seem overly interested.

hideawayforever · 04/01/2025 15:11

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 15:05

I understand the posters saying to message him. But i won't be.

For these reasons.

He's been online multiple times, so i know he's NOT dead.

I sent the last text so the ball was left in his court.

He was the one who said he'd text me the next day.

If he wanted to, he's kind of man who would.

Good for you.

SnickerDoodledoo · 04/01/2025 15:11

MrsSchrute · 04/01/2025 15:08

Totally your choice op.

But I really don't think he has done much wrong here.

Show quote history

He hasn’t been the one to start the previous conversations. People seem to be missing that point..

If you were the one to initiate the vast majority of conversations with a date, would you believe he was into you?

TammyJones · 04/01/2025 15:14

Marleigh0 · 04/01/2025 13:13

You're not doing the ghosting, you replied to his last message. He said he would text and he never. I wouldn't chase him.

This
If a man's interested wild horses couldn't stop him contacting you.

Phobiaphobic · 04/01/2025 15:14

OP, I'm sorry, it's painful to accept, but he's just not that into you. You deserve someone who is crazy about you, and someone like that does not leave you hanging and wondering. Don't short change yourself with men like this.

Northernlightx · 04/01/2025 15:15

Dating is so hard, I’m sorry ❤️‍🩹

SunnyHappyPeople · 04/01/2025 15:15

Don't send him a message.

When guys are really keen, they show it. They message, call and make sure to set up the next date. He said he would message you.

Yeah, sorry but forget him and find someone worth your time. Some guys are cowards

crumbsonmyface · 04/01/2025 15:16

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 15:05

I understand the posters saying to message him. But i won't be.

For these reasons.

He's been online multiple times, so i know he's NOT dead.

I sent the last text so the ball was left in his court.

He was the one who said he'd text me the next day.

If he wanted to, he's kind of man who would.

Good on you! I can't understand all these posts making excuses and giving reasons why he hasn't messaged. He hasn't messaged, he's not making any effort. That whole thing people say "if he likes you, you'll know" is 100% true! someone who values you would put the time and energy in and be excited to message you - but 3 days?! No thanks - you deserve better than waiting around. Also find that with guys if you continue to message, they just see it as an easy way to keep you on the hook for when they randomly want sex (this happened to me and friends of mine too).

Sorry, it is shit :(

smallsilvercloud · 04/01/2025 15:17

You have been ghosted, he said he would message the next day and now it's been 3... you are right, you cannot always be the one to message first, he probably would reply if you did but he's not bothered enough to get in touch and tbh this would be put right off now because you know he isn't as keen as you. Don't let him put you off looking again for someone else, just learn from it.

Original poster
Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 15:17

I fully accept he's not that into me btw. It happens. The only thing that hurts is the ghosting and how he can be all over me, being extremely attentive to literally disappearing off the face of the earth.

I'm not lowering myself to put myself in a position of texting him and him portraying me as a needy woman. Which I'm not. Obviously that might not happen and he might be bang in to me. But I doubt that. Him not messaging has already proven he's just not that into me.

OP posts:
TammyJones · 04/01/2025 15:25

Not sure if I missed it, but you said kissing and cuddling.
Maybe he was hoping for more , and has found an easier option ( someone else)

OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 15:29

It’s weird behaviour or low effort at best. Men are usually even more full on after kissing and cuddling, not doing a disappearing act.

He’s either not happy he didn’t have sex on NYE or if he did he’s got what he wanted and lost interest by the sound of it.

baileys6904 · 04/01/2025 15:39

He's not ghosted you.

For some reason you think your times being wasted if you text him, but not coming on here and complaining about him instead for much longer than a simple text would have taken

#winningatlife

ShelleyCarpenter · 04/01/2025 15:42

Catnamedroxy · 04/01/2025 15:17

I fully accept he's not that into me btw. It happens. The only thing that hurts is the ghosting and how he can be all over me, being extremely attentive to literally disappearing off the face of the earth.

I'm not lowering myself to put myself in a position of texting him and him portraying me as a needy woman. Which I'm not. Obviously that might not happen and he might be bang in to me. But I doubt that. Him not messaging has already proven he's just not that into me.

You are right not to text him. If he wanted to see you he would have been in touch. I’m sorry this has happened to you but better you found out what he it’s really like now than further down the line, when it would have been even more hurtful.