To not want to take dog for the night?

[Mumalorian]

My DF has had to go into hospital for a night and DB has asked if we could take the dog as he is going away for the night with sil and dn (Df stays with db).

I have said no on the grounds that their dog barks and will start our dog off barking, we know this as df brought the dog down for a day over xmas which wasnt an issue, but the barking was constant and got worse when we put their dog out in the hallway so we could eat as she is a begger for food and would eat off plates. Df gets up at ridiculous times to get his dog out.

We have 3 dc and don't want them to be affected by barking throughout the night.

I have suggested that we can let their dog out and feed her around 9pm and come back again in the morning somewhere between 8 & 9 yo feed and take the dog out.

I don't want db to miss out on this night away but don't want our whole night to be disrupted because of barking.

@MinnieBalloon
Unless I have misread it. It isn't her BIL. It's her own brother and her own father.
People should care for each other and pull together to be helpful.

That part is irrelevant. My comment stands the exact same.

Nobody is obliged to help and nobody should feel guilty for putting in their own boundaries.

If they can't reschedule the night away, can't get anyone else to look after dog (and can't get the dog in kennels) I'd probably take it in your shoes.
If it was DBs dog, I'd be less inclined (their responsibility) but sounds like its more DFs dog (by default, as you say, left with him) and he's the one in hospital.

Your Dad’s in hospital, your brother can’t step up, can you just manage this time? If it’s only ten mins away, go round at 11pm, let him out for a wee, then go back at 7am, 8am. It’s that a big deal??

I'd stay the night with their dog at their house and put up with the dirtiness. It's only one night and it would really help them out.

@BettyBardMacDonald
RTFT.

But that’s a terrible way to live! Her Dad is in hospital (that’s a worry for another time). Can she not just help out?

Said sister having three kids one of which is a newborn & she had a csection which she is still recovering from.

Yes, a dog can bark with a muzzle on, unless you mean the type that physically straps the mouth shut, which should be used for a few minutes only, for veterinary procedures/emergencies.

I cannot believe you are seriously suggesting strapping the dogs mouth shut for hours on end, I mean why not advise OP to pop to B&Q for some gaffer tape?! Dogs need to open their mouths wide to pant, breathe and of course drink.

Bark collars rely on causing pain or discomfort - the dog is likely barking out of distress anyway, so causing it pain/discomfort on top of that distress doesn't seem like a kind or effective plan.

Or the dog is barking in response to the OP's much younger dog, to communicate - pairing an unpleasant experience with interaction with the OP's dog is hardly going to foster good relations between the two animals.

I really really hope you do not have a dog yourself!

Why don’t you do them a favour as they are family? I would also be going over to help with cleaning if a family member was struggling

Having and holding boundaries is not a terrible way to live. It’s actually very important and a really healthy way to live.

If you choose to have a dog, there are consequences to that decision. Not OPs dog, not OPs problem.

I don’t think you would be unreasonable to not look after the dog, but it’s nice of you to do it. Hopefully there won’t be too much barking!

I hope your dad recovers well.

Would you not stay there for one night?

Read the thread.

OP IS TAKING THE DOG!!!

I see Op has a newborn.
If this were me, I would drive over and attend to dog (half an hour) then settle back home for the night with baby and ask my DH to please drive over to attend to their dog once in the night (half an hour) or to take his sleeping bag over to stay there and to let dog out in the night x1 and again in the morning before driving home.
Ten minutes is so close and you never know when you might need to call on close family because of an unplanned mishap. ie minor car accident and can't pick up DC from kinder.

OP has said all 3 adults living in the house are capable, they’re just choosing not to clean!

Why should OP go and clean their house when they’re just not bothering to do it themselves? She has her own home to clean, she also has children and is recovering from a c section....but yeah, she should go and clean for other perfectly capable adults who can’t be bothered to fro it themselves. Only on mumsnet! 🤪

There's an awful lot of you that can't read. I have decided to take the dog, more for my dad's sake as I know he worries about her.

Also can't believe some people are saying I should stay there to clean their house. It's not my house so I will not be cleaning it.

1. It would take weeks to get it to an OK state.
2. Db and sil are more than capable to clean up after themselves.
3. I have my own house to clean.
4. Recently had a csection and a newborn.
5. IT'S NOT MY BLOODY HOUSE!

Yeah I don’t know why everyone thinks you should go over there and scrub your capable DB and DSIL’s house clean!

I’d take the dog for the night on this occasion, but say that it needs proper training if you ever want to be relied on for dog sitting again in the future. It shouldn’t be eating off of peoples plates and barking nonstop.

"The barking was constant". The real issue here appears to be two dog owners who cannot be arsed to train their dogs properly.

Yanbu. Stick to your guns. “I can only offer coming round to feed/take the dog out, but we can’t accommodate the dog at our house overnight.” They’ll have to take it or leave it- them not having other arrangements for their dog when they go away overnight is not your problem to solve.

OP says it is a very old dog so it may not have many years left. It would probably be kindest for her not to end up with strangers when it is just one night

how old is your niece/nephew?

if you choose to have pets in old age, it's important to have a back-up plan (one which does not boil down to 'impose on the nearest female relative').

It's just depressing that so many people don't understand the most basic thing around training dogs to be quiet, not to beg for food and to settle calmly.

Probably in a lot of cases it's a dog that is totally unsuited to the living situation it's in. {bored, under exercised &c}

Eg, OP's Collie cross, they need a lot of physical and mental stimulation to be calm and content, and are often very sound sensitive.

Strapping a dog's muzzle shut {assuming the dog isn't brachycephalic and actually has a long face} is incredibly cruel.

My friend's dog had an minor acting part in a TV series, and needed to bark on cue {he's very quiet normally} - Lots of bits of sausage reward and a ''speak'' command/signal got him to bark on cue, so probably a ''settle'' or ''quiet''🤫 command could be used for an habitual barker.

{But in my experience of neighbours with barky dogs, it's boredom and lack of exercise and loneliness that is the reason for constant barking.

A woman in a café had an awful yapper that made one's ears ring.
Each time it barked, she fed it from her plate ''so he'll be quiet''... She was rewarding the barking, not the silence.

Lives with permanently, he had a fall on ice so no it's not going to an on going thing

I still think you shouldn't underestimate the level of burden it can be as the sole adult child living with a parent. This happened to a relative of mine and the other siblings totally minimised how much strain it put on the residents.

100% this.

Also younger people who have a dog as a ''baby substitute'' then a real baby or two comes along, and Fido is no longer given the attention he once had, nor is exercised, and can find himself given up.