To not want to take dog for the night?

[Mumalorian]

My DF has had to go into hospital for a night and DB has asked if we could take the dog as he is going away for the night with sil and dn (Df stays with db).

I have said no on the grounds that their dog barks and will start our dog off barking, we know this as df brought the dog down for a day over xmas which wasnt an issue, but the barking was constant and got worse when we put their dog out in the hallway so we could eat as she is a begger for food and would eat off plates. Df gets up at ridiculous times to get his dog out.

We have 3 dc and don't want them to be affected by barking throughout the night.

I have suggested that we can let their dog out and feed her around 9pm and come back again in the morning somewhere between 8 & 9 yo feed and take the dog out.

I don't want db to miss out on this night away but don't want our whole night to be disrupted because of barking.

I'm sure you can cope with sleeping in a messy house for one night. You just don't want to help, which seems very unfair on your DB.

It’s one night

if the house is messy and dirty sounds like they are stuggling unless you’re going to drip feed about them being lazy and you doing loads for your df

i think yabu, you could stay and maybe help them tidy a little? It’s literally one night

Df is not generally unwell so don't really know where yous are getting that db does df "lion share" of care.

Also I'm not scrubbing their house for them, there's 3 capable adults that live there they can clean their own house.

Seriously, for my DB I would just stay the night. Take clean sheets for the bed, you'll survive.

Yeah definitely don't bloody clean for them!

Very selfish not to suck it up for 1 night, esp. as your Dad is in hospital.

Look you obviously don't want to do it so say no and accept this will mean your brother has to cancel his night away.

I do think it's disingenuous to say he doesn't do most of the care if he lives with your brother.

If your brother looks after your father usually, it sounds like a night away would be really appreciated by them.

It’s one night, can’t you just stay over to care for the dog in a dirty house? Usually a parent’s hospital stay is something local children help with. Unless you have a very poor relationship with your father and your brother, I think you ABVU.

As for staying the night that would be fine however their house is extremely messy.

Oh come on OP, for the sake of helping your family out, can you not do one night? Tell your brother you’ll stay over as long as there’s clean sheets on the bed and a fresh towel for you, and then just get on with it.

You sound selfish.
It's just one night.

I think you need to suck it up and stay there for the night if you don't want the dog at yours. Your DB obvs looks after your father so I think you can do this one thing for him

normally we hear from the child expected to look after the parents so it is nice to hear the other side!!

if you don’t get on with your family then don’t do it. But it honestly doesn’t sound like that big of an issue

how old is your dn and df?

This. One night of barking isn’t fatal

He does the lions share by default as they live together, surely?

I think you're being incredibly petty - say no by all means, but don't expect any of them to help you out ever in the future.

If you have a partner who can stay home with your kids, then I'd leave them at home and go by myself to stay at your father's house for a night. Take clean sheets for you (or a sleeping bag), you don't need to clean and it's one night. If the hospital stay is a little while off, other option is to book kennels for a night - but this is only an option if the dog has had all his vaccines and has stayed in a kennels before. If he hasn't, then he'll probably need a trial visit first to make sure he settles and isn't too distressed. Staying at your father's for the night is probably the simplest.

It's your dad and he's in hospital! Do it or stay the night, it's one night. No need to be awkward and try to refuse to help.

It’s one night go to theirs

For one night I think you are being a bit mean. Go and stay there. Take clean bed linen and towel. Spray and bottle to give the bathroom a quick wipe to make it usable. People stay in worse conditions!

@Mumalorian if you say yes you are setting a precedent. Suggest kennel or a sitter (not you).

Ok so who is looking after DF when he gets out of Hospital? Is that you?

I can totally get why you don't want to clean their house. How old is DF and has he been ill for a while? If your DB doesn't do most of the care for him, are you the one who is making his room nice for when he gets back? Changing and washing his sheets and clothes and getting some easy to prepare food in for him?

If my dad was in hospital and the dog needed cared for and the house was a mess. I'd be going there for the night and cleaning the house up whilst looking after the dog.

I will not be staying there end of.

I have spoke to db and have agreed to take the dog as I do feel really bad he would be missing out on a night away and will just keep the dogs separated in hope we don't have a barking contest.

If it was just my df house I would have no issue cleaning it but there are 2 adults who are more than capable of cleaning up after themselves.

Everyone is assuming that the DF is very elderly and needs care. I get the impression that isn't the case?
Regardless, I would help. It's a sad state of affairs if you can't rely on family for the odd favour.

Df is generally well, he had a fall this morning, I'm at the hospital now with him. I have 3 kids to look after too and recovering from csection. So unfortunately I can't split myself into two and be with df and at home so yes db will care for df when I'm unavailable.

Generally they live very separate lives for being in the same house.