To ask if you know anyone personally who got pregnant by lying about contraception?

[Pavemw]

Just that, really. I have an extremely close friend who confided in me at new year that her 11 year old dd wasn’t actually an accident. I have known her half my life and our kids are friends. She was with this man for a short time and the relationship did not last the pregnancy although he does see his dd and has been pretty good to my friend financially.

I can’t get my head around it. This is someone who I go to for advice. She’s always empathetic and kind. I can’t even believe she would have done it and I don’t know why it’s bothering me as much as it is. I don’t know her ex, haven’t seen him in many years. I almost feel she’s lied to me too, which I know is silly. She said she was late 30s, had been told her fertility wasn’t great and had had enough of being messed around by men, so when this next one seemed keen to commit she just went for it. I know she has been treated badly in the past and has always put her heart out there only to be messed about or strung along so I can almost feel how frustrated she would have been but… to do this? I can’t imagine it as I had my two in a happy marriage. Maybe I being horribly judgmental. I can’t reconcile this with who I thought she was all these years. Am I being dramatic?!

No one should rely on an other person to prevent pregnancy. If a man doesn't want a baby he is responsible for protecting himself and using a condom. It terrible to be lied too but its stupid to rely on someone else to prevent you having a lifeling commitment especially if you don't want it. Once a woman's pregnant the man no longer has any choice about that pregnancy.

Why are some of you friends with people you hate?

I can see your POV but she has been deceitful anyway

'Dear mumsnet, my DP insists on watching me swallow my pill each day as he says only a fool would trust his partner to do this without supervision. Is this normal?'

Yes, and unfortunately for her it came out accidentally at a gathering at her home, and led to her divorce. Essentially her DH overheard her giggling about it with some friends, they got into a loud row and us guests were ushered into the garden by her sister while they argued indoors. He accused her of rape, as she'd poked holes in condoms and he felt violated. I haven't spoken to her since tbf, I was disgusted.

Yes - a friend skipped pills hoping to get pregnant, which she did. Her partner was younger than her and not quite ready for kids, but they've now been together over ten years now and have 3 kids and seem very happy.

He is responsible for his sperm. He needs to protect himself not force someone else to take a pill to protect him. He needs to take responsibility.

I know two women who did it. Both times the relationship has failed due to lack of trust and general issues.

An friend of mine did this - stopped taking the pill but didn’t tell her partner and got pregnant within a few months. A couple of our other friends were either pregnant or had recently had a baby and I think she felt that her (completely dysfunctional and volatile) relationship wasn’t moving quickly enough.

They had the baby but split up a couple of years later and now despise each other. He’s still none the wiser about her deception.

@DowntonShabbie are you serious? If you’re in a relationship and you agree that your contraception method would be the pill and the woman decides to lie, it’s his fault?

Women do NOT abandon their babies or place them for adoption “ every day” . Both of these things are very very rare in the UK.

And please link to proof of your assertion that “ they do this without a second thought “. Because that’s also absolute nonsense.

Yep!

Biology doesn't wait for you to verbally agree that you're trying!

Where did the forcing bit come from? Millions of women are on the pill by choice. I was on it for fifteen years.

Less than 100 under 1’s a year and most of these will not be given away “without a second thought”.

Yes. Friend knew her dh didn’t want more kids (had child from previous relationship). She married him and took the pill for years and then stopped taking it deliberately to get pregnant.

I think it’s ridiculous people saying it’s the man’s responsibility in those circumstances - he had no reason not to trust her, she was his fucking wife. 🙄

I think poking holes in the condoms is very different. He has consented to having protected sex and tried to protect himself. I think if someone does this they should be prosecuted for sexual assault .

Women abandon babies and place them up for adoption everyday.

That is a fact.

”In the UK” is your invention and is nowhere to be found in my post.

I wonder if they have that same reaction to women who “trust” men to have had the vasectomy they claim to have had….

I think it's no different than saying she'd taken her contraceptive pill if she hasn't. She covered up her sabotage of their agreed contraception.

Two of our friends have third children that were "accidents" not accidents. Both "accidents" are in their 20s now and both marriages survived.

I have to admit I was very tempted to do the same but when push came to shove I just couldn't do it. I did make dh responsible for contraception from that point on though.

What a crock of shit!! Women give up their children every day….?!

Yes they do.

They do. This is fact. Every day, a baby or child is handed from a mother to someone else, or abandoned somewhere. There are over 100,000 children in the care system in the UK.

I think people should take responsibility for their own contraception.

This is very victim blame-y! Jesus christ