To ask if you know anyone personally who got pregnant by lying about contraception?

[Pavemw]

Just that, really. I have an extremely close friend who confided in me at new year that her 11 year old dd wasn’t actually an accident. I have known her half my life and our kids are friends. She was with this man for a short time and the relationship did not last the pregnancy although he does see his dd and has been pretty good to my friend financially.

I can’t get my head around it. This is someone who I go to for advice. She’s always empathetic and kind. I can’t even believe she would have done it and I don’t know why it’s bothering me as much as it is. I don’t know her ex, haven’t seen him in many years. I almost feel she’s lied to me too, which I know is silly. She said she was late 30s, had been told her fertility wasn’t great and had had enough of being messed around by men, so when this next one seemed keen to commit she just went for it. I know she has been treated badly in the past and has always put her heart out there only to be messed about or strung along so I can almost feel how frustrated she would have been but… to do this? I can’t imagine it as I had my two in a happy marriage. Maybe I being horribly judgmental. I can’t reconcile this with who I thought she was all these years. Am I being dramatic?!

Yes, two people. A friend who is my age (late 30s), she did it around 33yrs old. And another - a colleague who is now 60 and did it when she was around late 30s/40.

Yes, I know one close to me. She was going out with her boss and was desperate to get pregnant. The man was furious and never met the child. When the child was a bit older like almost a teen he was sad and said he wanted to meet his dad. A very selfish act to do this to a child. I can’t understand how some feel like they can just do this. My friend was so upset when she realised the child was unhappy. She is a great mother and now married to a lovely man but that was very hard to see. I know she usually puts herself first and is very spoilt. Lying about this was a low point.

I went with my H for his vasectomy and used condoms until he showed me the results of his sperm test. Not because I dont trust him but because I absolutely wouldn't take a risk. I'm not having another baby. Fuck that.

More than one. My friend's DD got pregnant at 17 & has admitted it was deliberate so her 'partner' wouldn't leave her. At 17!! (Family can be very toxic towards each other.)

My DB's best mate was clear to his partner from the beginning he didn't want more children as he had one from a previous relationship. Very quickly after the wedding she was pregnant - not once, but twice, two year gap, then no more 'accidents'. I was told casually it was not an accident by two different people close to her (I didn't ask!) & knowing her now I believe it. Her (now ex) DH seemed to have figured it out, too. Tbh he should have gotten the snip if he didn't want more kids.

No, I don’t know anyone personally. Though I do vaguely know a guy who claims he was ‘date raped’ by his ex (drugged him and poked holes in the condoms apparently) when she got pregnant. All three times (they have 3 dc). 🙄 He is the now husband of a family friend (after splitting from the mother of his children). Really not my place to get involved or say anything, but said family friend is a seemingly smart woman so boggles the mind that she’s fallen for this ridiculous story. 😂

Yep. My mother. Bio dad used to check her contraceptive pill pack daily to check she was taking it, but she flushed it, deliberately aiming to get pregnant so that he would ‘have’ to marry her. He didn’t.

I was the biggest mistake of her life… something she told me on a daily basis until I went no contact with her.

My last long term relationship the contraception we used (once we stopped using condoms) was his vasectomy.

Never knew I was never meant to trust my partner and had he lied it would have been my fault.

I don’t think sex is consensual unless both parties are trying to get pregnant or if they aren’t wanting to have a baby and haven’t had a discussion on who is taking contraceptive measures is discussed.

if a women says she is on the pill and isn’t actually taking it to get pregnant on purpose then I think that’s sexual assault, the same way a guy will take off a condom off without a woman’s consent.

it’s incredibly manipulative and unfair to say well he should not of worn a condom, if a woman said she was taking the pill, the pill is 99.9% trustworthy, if the woman who takes it is too.

Yes and the majority of these 100,00 children are

1. not abandoned or relinquished
2. not in care “ without a second thought “
3. still in some contact with their birth families
4. not available for adoption

I know someone who told there partner they had a medical issue that meant they couldn't have children, this was untrue

haha! pick me for thinking lying about contraception is disgusting? That’s the biggest reach I have seen on mn in a while.

I think you’re being dramatic.. they both got into bed together - if he absolutely did not want a pregnancy to occur he could have ensured he also used protection, despite what she was or wasn’t saying she was doing? I think you’re being judgemental of her implying she’s pulled the wool over his eyes but he did have sex with her. Two people are responsible, doesn’t matter who says what, it takes two people and unless there’s a consent issue it’s equal responsibility imo.

A lot of people have stolen AAVE and use it without fully understanding it.

The amount of times I see “Pick Me” misused is tiring….

She has but he left himself wide open!

Pick Me’s for defending irresponsible men and telling them they’re the victim

I'm aware, yes. This doesn't change the fact that some of these children, tragically, were 'given up'. I haven't stated all 100,000 were abandoned by their mothers. But every day, across the world, multiple babies and children are relinquished by their mother. This isn't some ridiculous lie, it is obvious truth.

My idiot ex cheated on me with someone who said she had PCOS and couldn't conceive. I ended up with a new life and he ended up with a psychotic baby mum and a child he doesn't want! Karma!

I mean the trend was started from a clip of a white woman...

Sorry, a man puts it in with no contraception and all the responsibility is on a gal? Seriously?

That's a very cold and callous attitude and I don't think it bears much relation to reality.

I know two. Both told me when drunk.

First one met a very rich older man and was in a casual relationship. Decided to get pregnant to keep him. Still together with 3 kids in total but it's toxic. She has the lifestyle she wants, knows he cheats but doesn't care. It's messed up.

Second one, married a man who didn't want children due to his childhood. She said she didn't either but deliberately got pregnant afterwards. He stayed until she started talking about having another and admitted deliberately planning the first one. He left and they divorced. He's a good dad but despises his ex.

I think it happens regularly where women tell men they are using contraceptives but aren't.

Which is what I mean by a lot of people stealing AAVE and not actually understanding it / using it incorrectly.

I suppose it depends on what she actually said. Did she lie to him that she was on the pill? Or did he just assume it was ok due to dates etc/ sort of joint carelessness where no one really bothered? If she just casually made a comment without this info I'd just forget it as there's no real way of knowing or understanding the situation at the time.

Yep, SIL did it twice to my brother. He said no more kids after loads of boys and she 'forgot' her pill on two occasions and they had several more kids. She wanted a girl and her last baby was one and now she says she's done. He thinks she also damaged the condoms.

Sick.

He's had a vasectomy now.