Page 20 | To ask if you know anyone personally who got pregnant by lying about contraception?

Pavemw · 2025-01-03T19:57:59+00:00

Just that, really. I have an extremely close friend who confided in me at new year that her 11 year old dd wasn’t actually an accident. I have known her half my life and our kids are friends. She was with this man for a short time and the relationship did not last the pregnancy although he does see his dd and has been pretty good to my friend financially. I can’t get my head around it. This is someone who I go to for advice. She’s always empathetic and kind. I can’t even believe she would have done it and I don’t know why it’s bothering me as much as it is. I don’t know her ex, haven’t seen him in many years. I almost feel she’s lied to me too, which I know is silly. She said she was late 30s, had been told her fertility wasn’t great and had had enough of being messed around by men, so when this next one seemed keen to commit she just went for it. I know she has been treated badly in the past and has always put her heart out there only to be messed about or strung along so I can almost feel how frustrated she would have been but… to do this? I can’t imagine it as I had my two in a happy marriage. Maybe I being horribly judgmental. I can’t reconcile this with who I thought she was all these years. Am I being dramatic?!

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/01/2025 15:52

I was once at a party with some friends and one admitted to us all, drunk, that she’d come off the pill and lied about it because she wanted a large family and her husband didn’t. Two of the other women in the group then confessed they’d done the same thing. All agreed that it was ok because of their biological instincts.

I took a step back from those friends though I believe they’re all still married and have the big families they wanted.

I think it’s horrific. Men should wear condoms, of course they should, but they should be entitled to trust their partners about sex.

HaddyAbrams · 04/01/2025 15:55

schmeler · 04/01/2025 15:51

Yes it is. Most victims have evidence. There is almost always a witness to rape.

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Why is the conviction rate so low then? None of the women I know, and have spoken to about it, who have been raped (including myself) had any evidence that would stand up in court.

schmeler · 04/01/2025 15:56

HaddyAbrams · 04/01/2025 15:55

Why is the conviction rate so low then? None of the women I know, and have spoken to about it, who have been raped (including myself) had any evidence that would stand up in court.

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Because of the quota which is used to fudge conviction rates. The CPS have admitted they have a quota to take significantly less men to court to raise the conviction rates. Take 10 men to court and convict 1 = 10% conviction rate. Take 1 man to court and convict him = 100% conviction rate.

Even with proof of video evidence or confessions etc it is NFA'd all to fudge data.

Lizzie67384 · 04/01/2025 15:58

Whenismytime · 03/01/2025 20:35

I haven't. I've met lots of men that claim that they 'can't' wear condoms though. I think we need to stop babying men and buying into the narrivitive that big nasty women 'tricked' them into parenthood, it's pathetic.

Edited

I know so many men who claim condoms ‘ruin’ sex, or my personal fave, they’re ‘too big’ to wear one 🤣 - why is the responsibility on women?

Lizzie67384 · 04/01/2025 16:02

honeylulu · 04/01/2025 00:54

I know two people who've done this.

One was a woman I worked with several years ago. Had 2 sons, husband was adamant he didn't want more. She became pregnant (and miscarried). She gave us the impression that had been a contraceptive failure, maybe or maybe not. She begged her husband to try for another as she was so upset. He refused. She promised she was taking the pill again but wasn't. He was absolutely livid when she got pregnant again. At work she went around crowing that she had tricked him and thought it clever and funny. I wonder if the news that he'd been "tricked" got back to him as she was so proud of herself. He left her briefly but they got back together and had the baby - a girl like she wanted.

The other is a very good friend of mine who I thought had a strong moral compass until she told me. I was really shocked. They had one child, by agreement, her partner felt very much "one and done" but she didn't . To be fair she was open about not being on the pill and he was expected to use condoms though this particular time she "surprised" him in the bath and got him all excited and carried away, after carefully calculating her most fertile day, knowing he'd probably take a chance rather than stop to find his johnnies. I was really surprised she admitted it though, as it could easily have got back to him if she told the wrong person. She was totally unfazed about what she'd done. Her attitude was "I wanted another baby and he wouldn't agree, so it was the only option for me".

Are you for real? The second scenario - he was expected to use a condom but chose not to? How is that the woman tricking him?

schmeler · 04/01/2025 16:02

HaddyAbrams
Then on top of that victims are not able to get help as counselling can be seen as tampering with evidence so they refuse to let victims get support so some weight up support vs justice then there are the intimidation tactics etc that rapists use to threaten or harm their victims to withdraw and then women getting convicted.

My rapist confessed and the police said it was ok and not a big deal and to be expected.

My friend's rapist was not convicted as she was dead. The judge literally said that. He stabbed her 71 times and slit her throat while out on bail and tried to burn their baby alive and then the judge said no point trying him for rape now.

Throughthebluebells · 04/01/2025 16:03

I do hate the assumption that women who get pregnant whilst on the pill must have stopped taking it and got pregnant on purpose.

Maybe contraceptive pills have improved, but both my DCs (same DF but 5 years apart and now adults) were conceived whilst I was on the pill. I did have a medical condition that made it more likely, but I was told by my Dr that it is much more common than people think.

After two DCs my OH had a vasectomy as he accepted that no contraceptive could be 100% effective. It has to be a joint responsibility.

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 04/01/2025 16:04

Lizzie67384 · 04/01/2025 16:02

Are you for real? The second scenario - he was expected to use a condom but chose not to? How is that the woman tricking him?

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Honestly these fucking apologists are so thick. Surprised him in the bath 😂 - are men so dim and taken with sex that we excuse all behaviours when they’re “excited”. Absolutely pathetic

thecherryfox · 04/01/2025 16:11

So the girl who my partner cheated on me with when I was pregnant was also pregnant with her partners baby. He knew she was cheating on him and she tried to baby trap him to keep him. Prior to getting with him, he made it clear that he didn’t want kids and she said that’s ok that she had the implant. Well turns out she lied and she wanted to get pregnant all along, she did get pregnant and he still left her. Then my scummy ex got with her and raised her newborn instead of his own newborn - so either way she did ‘win’ despite being an awful human being.

HomeTheatreSystem · 04/01/2025 16:13

If a man does not want children ever, they get a vasectomy. If they don't want a family just yet, they wear a condom. You don't rely on someone else to manage your fertility. She might very well be on the pill but if she gets a sickness bug soon after sex there's every chance she might fall pregnant. She might be lying about being on contraception. It's not worth the risk. If you dump your sperm inside a woman of child bearing age, at that point it's FAFO. No sympathy whatsoever.

Stop putting the responsibility on the woman all the time.

Lizzie67384 · 04/01/2025 16:21

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 04/01/2025 16:04

Honestly these fucking apologists are so thick. Surprised him in the bath 😂 - are men so dim and taken with sex that we excuse all behaviours when they’re “excited”. Absolutely pathetic

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I know! I was cringing reading that 🤣

MessyNeate · 04/01/2025 16:25

@Sacredhandbag
Grandsons mother has had a second child in similar circumstances with a different man a few years later...

Hollyandgrinch · 04/01/2025 16:28

I have friend who has been dating a guy for 4 years and she's 36. He won't agree to kids yet because it's "not the right time". He already has one kid so he's being super selfish.

Meanwhile she's wasting her fertile years. To be honest I wouldn't blame her if she took matters into her own hands.

KimberleyClark · 04/01/2025 16:37

Hollyandgrinch · 04/01/2025 16:28

I have friend who has been dating a guy for 4 years and she's 36. He won't agree to kids yet because it's "not the right time". He already has one kid so he's being super selfish.

Meanwhile she's wasting her fertile years. To be honest I wouldn't blame her if she took matters into her own hands.

Shouldn’t they be at least living together before having a child?

ThisOldThang · 04/01/2025 16:47

"1 have friend who has been dating a guy for 4 years and she's 36. He won't agree to kids yet because it's "not the right time". He already has one kid so he's being super selfish."

Why does that make him 'super selfish'?

Boomer55 · 04/01/2025 16:57

It’s a lousy trick for her to pull, but every woman and every man should ensure their own “safe sex” 🤷‍♀️

Getter · 04/01/2025 17:47

ThisOldThang · 04/01/2025 13:18

Except you probably won't be able to get a vasectomy unless you've already got kids.

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Who told you that? Misinformation is so damaging

Getter · 04/01/2025 17:49

KimberleyClark · 04/01/2025 16:37

Shouldn’t they be at least living together before having a child?

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Why is that?

JHound · 04/01/2025 17:52

schmeler · 04/01/2025 15:47

Rape is usually easy to prove and has lots of evidence in most cases. How is a woman lying fit the criteria of penetration with a penis without consent?

If you have been raped as I am then it is disgusting to compare this to rape. Lying is not rape. Especially when he has a responsibility and a choice which he chooses not to act on.

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Rape is really not easy to prove.

If it were our conviction rates would be significantly higher.

Nerdlings · 04/01/2025 17:53

Throughthebluebells · 04/01/2025 16:03

I do hate the assumption that women who get pregnant whilst on the pill must have stopped taking it and got pregnant on purpose.

Maybe contraceptive pills have improved, but both my DCs (same DF but 5 years apart and now adults) were conceived whilst I was on the pill. I did have a medical condition that made it more likely, but I was told by my Dr that it is much more common than people think.

After two DCs my OH had a vasectomy as he accepted that no contraceptive could be 100% effective. It has to be a joint responsibility.

Same here. I got pregnant whilst on the pill and then pregnant with the Mirena coil. DH got a vasectomy in the end. I definitely wasn't trying to get pregnant. I had no desire for more children and had an abortion both times

JHound · 04/01/2025 17:54

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/01/2025 15:52

I was once at a party with some friends and one admitted to us all, drunk, that she’d come off the pill and lied about it because she wanted a large family and her husband didn’t. Two of the other women in the group then confessed they’d done the same thing. All agreed that it was ok because of their biological instincts.

I took a step back from those friends though I believe they’re all still married and have the big families they wanted.

I think it’s horrific. Men should wear condoms, of course they should, but they should be entitled to trust their partners about sex.

It’s weird the kinds of behaviour that people will excuse because of biological instincts!

I wonder if their husbands kept cheating of them due to their “biological instincts” if they would be so understanding….

JHound · 04/01/2025 17:55

schmeler · 04/01/2025 15:51

Yes it is. Most victims have evidence. There is almost always a witness to rape.

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This is something you have completely made up.

JHound · 04/01/2025 17:55

schmeler · 04/01/2025 15:56

Because of the quota which is used to fudge conviction rates. The CPS have admitted they have a quota to take significantly less men to court to raise the conviction rates. Take 10 men to court and convict 1 = 10% conviction rate. Take 1 man to court and convict him = 100% conviction rate.

Even with proof of video evidence or confessions etc it is NFA'd all to fudge data.

Edited

Show quote history

This is something else you have completely made up.

JHound · 04/01/2025 17:59

HomeTheatreSystem · 04/01/2025 16:13

If a man does not want children ever, they get a vasectomy. If they don't want a family just yet, they wear a condom. You don't rely on someone else to manage your fertility. She might very well be on the pill but if she gets a sickness bug soon after sex there's every chance she might fall pregnant. She might be lying about being on contraception. It's not worth the risk. If you dump your sperm inside a woman of child bearing age, at that point it's FAFO. No sympathy whatsoever.

Stop putting the responsibility on the woman all the time.

I’m a woman and in my last relationship I placed all responsibility on my ex not to get me pregnant. He said he’d had a vasectomy. If he’d been lying it’s interesting to see how many people would insist I was the idiot in that situation.

Committed partners do trust each other within committed partnerships.

JHound · 04/01/2025 18:00

Hollyandgrinch · 04/01/2025 16:28

I have friend who has been dating a guy for 4 years and she's 36. He won't agree to kids yet because it's "not the right time". He already has one kid so he's being super selfish.

Meanwhile she's wasting her fertile years. To be honest I wouldn't blame her if she took matters into her own hands.

How on earth is somebody choosing not to have children “super selfish”?

Selfish to who? This sense of entitlement is disturbing.

Your friend is free to leave him if she does not want to waste her fertile years. He does not owe her a baby because he already has one.