To be upset about being left off the parents Christmas card DS (aged 9) made at school this year?

[alixpally]

We are not normally fussed about cards of any kind, so am surprised to find myself a bit upset and puzzled by the fact that DS (9) completely left me off his school handmade Christmas card this year - it was addressed only to "Dear Daddy". We are an extremely close family (he's an only child, and we mostly work from home and do lots of activities together all the time), so it feels strange.
When I asked why I wasn't included, he said the teacher had told them it could be addressed to anyone they wanted and that's who he wanted to address it to.
When I pressed for further explanation/discussion of this, DP said I was making to much of a fuss over it, that DS is just 9 and not emotionally mature, and I should just accept his choice and a hastily added 'and mummy' on the card. He did this in front of DS, and I felt pressured to just sweep the issue under the rug, or be branded overly-sensitive or jealous.
Part of me agrees it's not a big deal and DS is emotionally immature, but I am still puzzled as to why it happened, and having reflected on it, it feels like a missed opportunity to help gain some emotional maturity by making him more aware of how his actions and choices affect the feelings of others, and having a discussion about misogyny. Am I being unreasonable?

Agreed and nothing to do with misogyny at all.

Are you kidding me? Are you really hand wringing about MISOGYNY several weeks later because your 9 year old son did a Xmas card addressed to his Dad? Do you lecture him about misandry if he ever addresses something to you only? This poor boy. You’re going to give him a complex. Get a grip and save him the ridiculous lecture.

Exactly. This is absolutely ridiculous and damaging if she is overreacting like this and over blowing things on a regular basis. So irritating.

Which is actually thoughtful because the cat probably doesn’t get many cards!

This. Its just what he was thinking about at time..maybe he just wanted to do something nice for dad. Sometimes us mums receive lots of parcels/gifts (we all know its deliveries etc but our kids don't know this ) and he just felt like giving his dad something. You are soooo overthinking this ! Goodness calm down.

I send them home unwritten now. Then the parent/carer can use them for grandparents or whoever. Also it is easier.

Your dp is right. You are over reacting. You don't need to over analyse everything children do. Be grateful you only have a non-issue to get upset about!

When I was in the infants we had to make a Christmas picture that then got laminated into a placemat. I remember being told by the teacher to address it to someone so I addressed it to my Dad. I could spell "Daddy" but I couldn't spell "Mummy" and was too scared to ask for help with spelling "Mummy" so I just wrote "Daddy." My Mum cried when I brought it home from school. I remember feeling awful. Now I'm a mother I can understand why she would have been so upset, and I still feel really guilty to this day!

Maybe another pupil asked for clarification as has parents who are separated/absent, or the teacher tried to cover all bases and your son misunderstood?

I hope you used this opportunity to help him gain some emotional maturity by making him more aware of how his actions and choices affect the feelings of others, and having a discussion about ailurophobia.

One year I was helping a child to write in a card and they absolutely insisted on addressing it to their uncle's boyfriend. Just the uncle's boyfriend and not the uncle, "Because Uncle X loves him very much." I've always wondered how that went down at home.

some people must be so much fun at parties 😫

Haha this reminds me of the last day of term and I pulled my sons hand crafted christmas card out of his bag. It was beautiful and I said "awww wow you made us a beautiful christmas card" to open it and find out it was actually addressed to Nanny 😂. Both nanny's also live with grandad but they didn't get a look in either lol. Sometimes it's just who pops into their head at the time.

You cannot help how you feel. Of course, it would be better for you to listen to everybody telling you it's completely natural and means nothing, but it is not unreasonable to be upset. I had a similar thing happen (my son gave his dad the present they made for Mothering Sunday) and although it was clearly because they'd told them to give it to the person who makes their packed lunches or whatever, it really hurt. I try not to dwell and hope I'll never mention it but it's not nice when it happens to you, and I wanted to acknowledge that.

That poster was joking.

My GD aged 7 wrote her special card to me only, not mummy or daddy, my dil found it in her bag and laughed.

Young children are so funny.😁

How would you react if the card had been to you and not his dad? Would you have noticed? Not a criticism just an honest question. Sometimes as mum we think it's a given that children will always choose 'mummy' first and won't even think that dad hasn't been included, so when they don't choose us it can be a shock.

Well if it makes you feel any better, when my son was in reception, he made his card for the bin man 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

My 3 year old says to us regularly that we’re not his family and that his family is JJ, Tom Tom and Yo Yo from Cocomelon. We’re his friends, apparently.

This can be interchanged with The Grinch and The Gruffalo also being his family.

He also tells me I’m a boy all the time.

So, basically, this card situation is a non event.

I'm going against the grain here- I think it's odd! 9 isn't a small child where it could be an accidental omission.

DD was on a roll with all the crafting stuff yesterday. I got a card, plenty of stickers and glitter and nicely written
"To Mummy. From Rosie"
DH got his, similarly adorned and with
"To Daddy. I love you. From Rosie"
🙃

I think he's misunderstanding the teacher and thought it would only be written to one person. Maybe others at his table wrote to dad and he followed that lead. No big deal, the less said the better.

Maybe the poster should have prefaced the post you’re referring to with ‘lighthearted’, which it was. Ailurophobia is an irrational fear of cats!

I’ll bet the teacher said something along the lines of “you can address it to whoever you like - Mummy, Daddy, Grandma….” and your ds just picked Daddy on the spur of the moment.

His Dad was in his mind at that particular moment. Would your husband have been upset if only your name was on the card?I doubt it
He obviously at that moment wanted to send his Daddy a card. It could have been you the next day.
As an ex teacher I question whether a teacher said only one name on card.
Unless teacher was thinking of single parent families and didn't want to upset some children. Bizarre though.
But it feels immature of you to be jealous of your child's father!!